We are both in our early thirties. We’ve been together 6 months and are very in love. We each have our own mental health issues but receive treatment in various forms and continue to work on ourselves. We are both pretty emotionally intelligent and typically communicate well.

He’s been under a lot of stress lately. He talks to me about it some, but doesn’t lean on me much for emotional support. I’ve expressed I’m willing to give it, but try not to push him.

We had a weird situation last week where we were spending time together for the evening and our plans changed a couple of times. While we were still hanging out, we engaged in some rough BDSM play and then I left right after. I was on the receiving end and felt fine, so I very selfishly assumed no aftercare was necessary. He got very upset when I left and we texted about it a bit that night. I apologized for not considering his needs and it seemed like he was feeling okay by the time I went to sleep.

A few days later, he told me that he self-harmed the night I went home abruptly. He is addressing it with his therapist but I am really concerned about him. He said he hadn’t done it in ten years and he had a hard breakup within that time frame. That freaked me out, thinking that he’s feeling worse now than he did then.

I’m having trouble not making it about me. I keep thinking that it’s my fault and I’m not a good partner for him. I’m trying to remind myself that those are just thoughts and not necessarily true, and it wouldn’t be my job to decide for him anyway. I just wish I knew how to support him better. It seems like I should, considering self harm is a problem for me too.