Nobody has to respond, it won't matter much regardless, just felt like the typing the shit that's in my head, that I wanna let out I guess

So like everyday is the same old bland colorless shit as the day before, I've been numb to all emotions and everything for the past like 4 years now, my doctor said it isn't normal and shouldn't last this long and I know, I just don't wanna be here anymore, what's so great about life anyway? No friends, no family, no acquaintances, just pure loneliness, it doesn't bother me to be honest, everyone I meet is either boring or an asshole, or they call me a twat because I'm emotionless and I guess that comes off as rude?

And like people also always act like they care when you die or get admitted to a hospital, but when you really need help, and your just at home, wherever and it's obvious? Nobody gives a shit, nobody reaches out, but then if you die, they pretend they care and like they try to help, same with if you get admitted then get out

I can ||cut, attempt, do drugs but none of it brings me pleasure or peace of mind||

I just don't get what the point is anymore.