This is still very fresh. Coming into realization of years of abuse is confusing af, so bare with me.

My heart hurts for all of the pain I’ve caused. I don’t want to be like this. I hate the way I’ve treated everyone in my life and all I want to do is tell them I’m sorry.

There’s so much love in me to give and I want everyone to know that they deserve to be loved; while my nightmare continues, I am trying my best to take it easy with the few people left in my life.

I fear that the scars of anger and pain and irreversible for everyone involved.

47 days left until distance from my abuser; I lie awake at 4 am on Boxing Day and wonder if it needs to be sooner.

Edit:

I don’t deserve forgiveness. Please don’t look at this that way.