TLDR: I’m worried about the grieving process which seems critical to healing so any advice is welcome re: actually feeling/identifying feelings.

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible! I’m sober for quite some time now but was diagnosed with C-PTSD this summer after suffering a near-breakdown where my life became so emotionally unmanageable that I considered returning to drink. I had blocked out a lot of my childhood trauma, even in sobriety but was sexually assaulted at work which re-triggered me.

I’ve been in therapy for a few months now and have been able to stabilize my emotions and recognise I have not dealt with any of my past. Earlier this week, I stumbled into an ACA meeting on accident and stuck around because I heard things I seriously identified. I went back to a meeting today and feel I’ve made the right choice. Can’t believe it took me this long to recognise how significant childhood trauma/how dysfunctional my family was and how those dynamics continue to play out in my life today.

Something I’m worried about is that I can’t access my emotions. Intellectually, I can tell you I’m upset (angry, sad etc) but beyond that, nada. I perpetually dissociated in childhood and numb out.

Have others experienced similar?