Ladies, thank you so much for the thoughtful and extensive comments to the post I made a few days back. You really opened my eyes and helped me with my all or nothing thinking.

Around April of 2024 I was having severe undiagnosed pain. I started pumping less and before long stopped all together. Even so, at that time I wasn't real consistent and never achieved any milk yet. The pain continued and in September I had surgery... fast forward, I just finished pt and have been thinking about lactation again. I thought I was just over it, all the reasons... I'm not disciplined enough, I have downsizing and decluttering to work on and should put time into that not sitting around wasting time attached to a pump when it may never happen in my mid 50's with no meds, hubby can't help with suckling or hand expressing, I'm just in fantasy land and need to get my head on straight, it's not happening, donate all things feeding to a young woman who is meant to make milk, not a midlife menopausal woman... yada yada yada. BUT, the desire, the yearning the CALL kept calling me. I got on here again and got reacquainted. Part of me felt sad reading testimonials of those who were basking in the euphoria that ANR brings and I knew for sure I'd never have that so why bother. Doing it myself would only leave me feeling empty.

That's where I was when I made my post (subject began with Long post..). Y'all encouraged me and made me feel like I was sane and not experiencing some sort of mental illness by having that deep need. The deep need to hold him to my breasts and comfort him, the feeling of giving him what only my body can when offering him and guiding the breast to his mouth and feel his tender suckle and (the best) have him fall asleep at the breast and randomly suckle in his sleep as I stroke his hair and nuzzle him in close. Sound beautiful? Yes... it was. That is what it was like several years ago when I discovered this and we started. That was short lived, not by choice but circumstances of his chronic pain. Not to say there's no breast action, just that what is needed for inducing, 15-20 minutes of actual latch and suckle every 3-4 hours isn't possible.

Fast forward to your recent comments, I blew the dust off the pump and started pumping yesterday. The visual for him was a turn-on and when I finished, after nearly 7 months without pumping, I was left feeling like I needed his mouth on my nipples in the worst way. They literally ached for him. Luckily, this led to beautiful intimacy. You gals who don't get regular suckling know the feeling, it's like finally getting a drink of water or food after fasting for surgery. I teasingly said, keep that up and that little pituitary will wake up and give you something in return. In response he playfully sped up his suckling and suction, popping off the nipple with a noisy release, like a loud kissing sound. In the moment I said, would you like that baby, to have my milk, he shook his head yes while on the breast again.

Well that was that... he was so endearing and my heart melted. Inside I said, well there's my answer. After days of overthinking and making long comments on here to sort out my reasoning, there was the answer. I can't wait until years from now when I'm not working and then give it a go when I can commit easily to round the clock pumping to induce. God forbid, what if he's not here then, I would not want to live with knowing I didn't try to give him this one natural thing. One simple pleasure amidst his pain, this thing God designed our bodies to do and is told in the Bible for husband's to delight in her breasts of youth always. (Side note, that does make me wonder if the early people did partake in ANR naturally all the days of their married life. (Random thought)

So all that to say that even though I know the ropes, I want to do it right. I recently read a post on here written by a man. His knowledge was astounding and his dedication to learning... I can only imagine the beautiful ANR they share. I remember him saying about a 120-90-60 pumps per minutes-ppm- for best results. When I hooked up my pump yesterday I set a one minute timer and counted the ppm. To get the max I had to set the speed to the highest and it's suction to the lowest. This yielded 90 ppm. This is with my pump by Even Flo. It's a double electric pump. It has a speed setting from 1-4 and a suction setting from 1-8. You set the settings manually. Nothing is preset, as I've heard others reference to in their pumps. So to Mr all things lactation knowledge and you mature gals who've had success, please tell me what works. How long, how often, is my pump too weak, do I need those 120 ppm to get things happening? Should I keep the settings only at the adjustment for max ppm? When I add any suction it decreases the ppm.

If you have read this to the end God love ya-lol-I'm so grateful to be heard. Thank you.