Is anyone willing to share their story of step parent adoption. My oldest 3 were adopted by my husband 6 years ago. One of my children still maintains contact with their toxic bio dad. I would love to hear your experiences as I try to figure out how to help them and what we can expect from the kids as adults.

Backstory: Their bio dad was 22 and I was 16 when I got pregnant. I had a religious-ish upbringing and my mom basically told me I had to keep the baby or else I was dead to her. I kept the baby and married my abuser. He abused me in every single way for 5 years. I had two more children from this man, they were the results of sexual and reproductive abuse. I met a man online one day- we shared many common friends but had never met. We remained friends for 2 years, eventually he told me he wanted to help me by teaching me his trade so that I could afford to leave my ex. I eventually took him up on the offer and we ended up falling in love. The ex remained abusive throughout all of this. I left, he is bipolar and was never consistent with his visitation. My now husband has taken care of these 3 since they were 4,3, and 8 months old (now 16, 14,and 12) he has loved them and they have loved him. 6 years ago he ended up signing them over to my husband because 325$usd was too much and Virginia was “raping him” to the point of being unable to live on his own (it’s been 6 years and he’s still in the same place, go figure) I wanted to allow the kids to see him if they wanted and if it was a healthy enough place for them to be if they so chose. My poor 14 year old is the only one that struggles with dealing with him, my two boys can’t be bothered because they’re angry that he “sold” them, the oldest’s sentiments not ours. She is constantly wanting to see him, have him in our life and we allow it. She is the only one that struggles with her self esteem and self soothes with food. She feels responsible for taking care of him and feels bad for him because her brothers don’t want to see him. He recently pulled some shit with me and I had the last straw broken, I blocked him on everything and my husband told him all contact for drop off and pick up was going to be handled by him. I don’t want my daughter around him at this point because I am not sure it’s in her best interest at this point, but my husband doesn’t feel that way. He’s afraid it will cause a problem between us and only fuel the fire to see him.

I want to know, if you’re a step parent or child of a step parent adoption, how was this sort of thing handled, what was your experience, how do we deal with this, how did it affect you as an adult?

If you stuck in through the ramble, thank you!