My husband and I adopted our son at birth from his distant cousin who has severe mental health issues and illegal drug dependency problems. She knew she could not raise him in her condition and asked if we would like to adopt him due to being infertile ourselves. We have an open adoption and she sees him at least once a month, as well as a constant communication via text about how our son is doing, milestones, photos, etc. It has all gone amazingly thus far.

Recently BM has asked us to adopt her 3 1/2 year old daughter (our sons half-sister) who has been living with her maternal grandmother (who also has mental health issues, along with heart problems as she is an older woman). Neither of the Biological Fathers wanted the children and signed away their rights immediately at birth.

We agreed to adopt her without reservation, as we’ve met her many times and she’s a wonderful, smart, vivacious child. She does have her trauma issues and we’ve already begun trying to find an appropriate therapist to help her work through her “big feelings” as we call them.

My question is: how can we as parents help her additionally here at home to make her feel that she has some choice and agency in her life? We let her choose what she calls us (she chose Mommy and Daddy from about day three) and if she wanted to keep her last name or change it to ours. We have a great relationship with her and she looks at us pretty regularly and smiles and says “I’m so happy!” I just want to do anything and everything we can to help her through this difficult process, as well as the years to come.