Hello, I've never experienced anything like this, and I'm completely helpless. I have to admit I've been somewhat sheltered so I dont know anything about most of addiction.

My husband has been off heroine for 3 years (im so proud!) But recently I caught him using. He came clean and broke down and told me he wants to be clean.

He's a seasonal worker so right now he's off and has nothing to do and it's making things way worse! Beyond that, I personally don't feel like I can trust him. I'm so stressed I feel like I have to be on him ALL the time. However, I also feel like I can't want to be clean for him. We can't afford mental health help, I just feel completely lost. Im so paranoid I'm checking his phone (which is something we both agreed early on was okay and he's allowed 100% access to mine whenever/tho I fkkn hate that I feel I need to do it) and I found now he's looking into unwashed poppy seeds.

I just want him to be healthy and safe. I just dont know what I should be thinking or doing and I dont have anyone to talk to about it. I feel so alone, and scared. Please. Any advice or kind words are severely needed.

Thank you.