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Does anyone else feel like dating apps actively harm their mental health?
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I’m 30, and recently came out after a decade plus of dating exclusively men. Using dating apps was never particularly pleasant, but it was just so much easier on the straight side of things. I’d get 200 likes on my profile in just a few hours, match with 95% of the people I swiped on, and have a few conversations going at all times. If I used them really rigorously, I’d be able to get a date or two within a day.

I’m having the exact opposite experience with women, and it’s making me feel really pessimistic about my future and the likelihood of me finding a partner. I’m barely averaging 1-2 matches a day, and I’m usually not super attracted to them—they were generally a “sure I guess so why not” kind of swipe. The conversations are pretty dry and the majority fizzle out after just a few back and forth interactions.

Dating apps bum me out, but being chronically single bums me out just as bad. I think another thing stacked against me is that I’m exclusively femme4butch and I see about 50 femmes per one butch on the apps. Not to mention the absolute overload of poly/ENM people in the lesbian dating scene. Yeesh.

I have plenty of hobbies and go out a lot, but I simply don’t meet a lot of gay women who are my type. I’m thinking of joining some meet up groups, but that stuff just seems forced as well.

Ugh. Do I keep going and fight through this despair? Does it get better? Will this bullshit pay off in the end??

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2 months ago