This past month has been brutal for me, in a way that made me realize how often in relationships including friendships there's been more talk than conversations.

I've been broken up by my ex-girlfriend and now a ex-friend, yesterday.

I get that there's so many things to be busy about everyday but like where are the real conversations?

In my example of my ex-girlfriend, both of us initiated conversations, to share something about what's going on in life. But it fell apart the moment she started with a talk in July. Simply said out of the blue without any plans and telling me about a family emergency.

I'm like okay, I'll do what I can to support her and her decisions as well as be available for her. Whatever it takes to help with a serious matter like that. Then turns out it wasn't that, after weeks later she ended up moving across the states, got a new job, left me behind and didn't even come in person to tell me what's really wrong. After a month of that, she's back at my state and I'm so confused, so I asked her what's going on or clarification about her situation. She broke up with me pretty much by deleting/ghosting me off. So that ended all being a talk.

In my example of my ex-friend, we did things together like once a week or two. But then she vanished on me three weeks, due to mental health issues. So I ask her if there's anything else I can do for her and if she wanted to do something to help with the situation.

She said that she was feeling better and would be okay to do something next week. Next week comes by and I shared with her an amazing personal work milestone news that I've achieved. I even reached out to see how's she's doing, and ask if she's ready to go out. She didn't and instead just told me she spend time reflecting on our interactions and didn't want to continue the friendship with me. I didn't ask why and just accepted it because in the truth of matter of things, she has flaked out on me before multiple times. While I appreciate the honesty in that end, it still felt hurtful.

Both relationships started in May 2024 and ended in August 2024.

How do you find a real conversation with genuine people or significant other?

As much as I hate dealing with breakups and abandonment. There has to be a better way to have conversations with genuine people.

For reference, a conversation for me it's when someone genuinely wants to talk to you about anything they care about and continue that talk well into different topics and have the opportunity to learn something new, involves some fun jokes and really have an experience that actually makes both individuals feel great. It doesn't even have to be a good conversation, it can even be an argument because at least the feelings are real.

I sometimes daydream about a time and place where I've met attractive women, who are inspiring and have those one off conversations that doesn't even have to lead into a friendship or a relationship.

Something genuine and real as I can be for anyone.

Any ideas or suggestions or similar experiences you've had to get to the real conversations?

Thank you!