Two scripts in a row with nickelback references. I'm a lost soul.

Archive! https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/x9hb9v/script_archive/

I've been meaning to do some M4A, but like all my scripts go ahead and genderflip it! As always good to monetize and I love feedback!

The listener was saved from a supervillain by a handsome emo looking guy with black wings. He insists he's not a superhero and he's super dramatic about it, but hey he's still pretty cool.

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Dialogue in plain text

SFX in bold

Context in italics

Context that changes the audio in bold italics

The listener was rescued by a superhero. They didn't get a chance to thank him so they followed him to his abandoned warehouse. They find him inside staring out the window and monologuing. They are supppppper dramatic.

The city asked for a hero, but all it got was me.

This city deserves a knight in shining armor. A white knight upon a fiery steed. I'm not the hero they deserve.

Someone told me love would all save us. But look what love gave us. A world full of killing and blood spilling. That world never came.

Note: that's not bad grammar, they're quoting the song "Hero" By Chad Kroeger from Nickelback. the one from Spiderman 1

I’m just a broken angel, cast from heaven and rejected by hell, but I’m all they have. I just hope I’m enough.

Listener emerges from shadows

I see you followed me. I figured you would. You shouldn't thank me.

You think I’m a superhero?

Laughs

Do I look like a hero to you? Do heroes have leather jackets? Aesthetically pleasing scars? Emo Fringe? Rippling abs? Rebel attitudes? Cool motorcycles that they definitely didn't spend wayyyy too much money on?

Oh they do? Well ummm anyways.

My name is BloodShadow, and I’m no hero.

Why are you smiling? Is my name funny or something?

I wasn't trying to save you, I was just there to fight Dr. Skull. I was there for revenge. To avenge my brother.

I know I saved you, but I’m no hero. I’m a monster.

Now go away! I’m dangerous!

You don't realize just who I am and what I'm capable of!

I was created by the scientists of hell to hunt down lost souls.

Yes there are scientists in hell. We actually had a really good research program.

I’m half angel, half demon, half vampire, half banshee and half alien!

What do you mean that's not how halves work?

Shut up!

I went rogue after being shown kindness by a gentle homeless man who was actually an alien from the future. He died to protect me and in his memory I vowed to protect the innocent and the vulnerable, but I still cannot control my violent urges. My Dark Anger.

The last time I lost control a guy said “Have a nice day!” and I said “Have a terrible day!” and then spat on the floor!

You should stay away! I can't control the darkness that lives within me!

Listener tries to grab their hand

No, don't touch me! My flesh burns!

Yeah I should probably use moisturizer, but I don't because I’m bad!

Just being around me puts you in danger! My enemies won't hesitate to hurt an innocent!

What enemies?

I have many enemies! The vilest practitioners of the criminal arts to ever ride out under the banner of evil!

There's Dr. Skull, the cyborg mad scientist from the 25th century! He seeks revenge against the past for destroying the future, but he may truly be the bringer of the very doom he seeks to prevent! Every time I fight him I ask myself

“Is he the true villain? Or am I?”

He’s really annoying because he’s always taking all the good places to brood. This city isn't that big and there's like three skyscrapers so it's awkward.

Or there's Dark Empress Diana Von Shadowgale, the sorceress queen of Dimension negative X! She sends her army of cyberpunks and nega-vampires through the interdimensional portal in the back of the old quiznos! Hellbent on chaos and destruction and playing their weird techno folk music too loud when everyone is sleeping!

She’s the worst because she has like this whole army and like I don't want to beat up like fifty guys before the final fight you know? She’s super tedious.

Then she like monologues about her tragic past for an hour. Like what kind of self centered weirdo does that?

And of course my no list of rogues would be complete without my arch nemesis: Jimmy the Goose, Head of the avian mafia! The evilest goose to ever waddle the earth! I don't think I need to explain just what evil acts he's capable of!

What are you laughing at?

They’re not silly! They are very dangerous! Dr. Skull even killed my brother!

Well actually he faked his death, because he was evil, and not actually my brother, he was a clone-. Oh you know what, never mind! I don't have time to get into this right now!

The point is my many enemies might kill you! Just like they killed….. Uh

Give me a second here

Commissioner O’brian? No he’s still alive…. That reporter kid? No…. My dad? No, I don't have a dad (damn I should brood about that next time). Ummmmmm

Ok I guess they’ve literally never killed anybody. They just rob museums and launch Multi-Level Marketing schemes and stuff.

Still though there's my terrible Dark Anger! Where I lose my mind and commit acts of unspeakable evil! Like writing hate mail to nuns or refusing to help old men shovel their driveways! Or using Facebook!

Now leave me be! I’m going to fly to the top of a skyscraper and brood on a gargoyle. Maybe play my saxophone. I don't know!

The listener touches their shoulder.

Hey don't touch my shoulder! You’ll activate it!

Listener cups their cheek

Don't touch my cheek! I have a scar there! A jagged scar that mars my soulful eyes.

Hey um why are you so close to my face?

Surprise Smooch

They’re surprised. It's probably their first kiss.

Oh wow, that was really nice. I uh. Can I have another?

Another

I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. My soul is at peace. I’m so high I can hear heaven, but heaven, heaven don’t hear me……

Sudden realization

No! You shouldn't have done that! A moment of perfect peace will activate the Dark Anger!

Agghghghghhg The dark anger is coming over me!

Distorted voice The Dark Anger is active

AHahahahahahaha! My evil is unrestrained! Prepare to suffer!

Clears throat

Your shirt is ugly and your grandma was dumb! I hope you drop a bowling ball on your foot and develop a gluten intolerance!

Normal voice is back

No no no. I hurt you. I can't control it! The evil inside me is too much! You should just stay away for your own good! Oh why must I hurt all those I love?

That didn't hurt you? That was the meanest insult I ever gave anyone.

You must be bad! Really bad!

Can you teach me? How to be hardcore? I gotta be hardcore to fight my enemies!

I know I might look all broody and tough, but the truth is I don't know what I’m doing. Don't tell anybody ok?

You want to get a burger? I know a really tough place. On the corner of 23rd and Lincoln.

Listener points out that that's an applebees

Hey, it's the toughest applebee's in the state!

-30-