Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

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Context: You're a simple person. You have your farm, you make enough to get by in the unprecedented wake of the Renaissance. Even with all of these new ideas, you know that gods and demigods exist. You've never met one before, but you're certain you'd recognize one if they fell into your yard. Right? Apparently not, as you were visited and then taken by the god Deimos, who swore he was the god of war and wished you to be his concubine. I'm sure it worked out great for him.

Setting: A coliseum

Tags: [MM4A][Strangers to Lovers][Yandere God Speaker][Lovecraftian God Speaker][Cosmic Badass Listener][Greek Gods]vs[Lovecraftian Horrors][Many Name Drops][Combat][Absolutely Done][Mild Comedy][Comeuppance][CW: Violent Imagery]

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Note: A CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

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[A] = Ares, God of War

All italicized text is Azatoth, Dreaming Horror, and Best Dad

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[Scene opens with the hellscape of a Coliseum]

[SFX: Eldritch and people panicking and fleeing the scene]

[You stare Ares down with your many newly-acquired eyes, licking row upon row of razor-sharp teeth in anticipation. He looks back at you, trying to remain stoic. Trying.]

[A] “And what infernal power have you called on to smite me, hm? One does not kill a god, child, certainly not the God of War!”

[SFX: A low rumbling laugh that shakes the entire Coliseum]

‘War’? Interesting… You seem to think you are beyond consequence. At the head of a pyramid of your own construct, hm?

[A, with a scoff] “Not me. Zeus will easily make short work of you, and then I will have you in my arms again. Do you understand?!”

[SFX: Lightning crackling overhead]

Oh. Is this your boy? This ‘Zeus’ is the one hovering angrily above, gathering light to toss at us?

[A, with a smirk] “I hope your suffering is short, you… parasite!”

[SFX: Lightning crashing down and the Listener catching it]

Such a pretty light he hurls down at us. Ooh, so painful to hold!

[You turn to glare up at the King of the Gods, holding his own bolt of lightning firmly]

Here. Have it back

[SFX: Lightning crashing into Zeus]

[A] …

[Azatoth yawns from within you]

Oops, I killed him. Now… What is this anger that emanates in the endless abyss of these seas?

[SFX: More general chaos and the loud yawn of a whale-like creature]

[A] “P-Poseidon…?”

Oh, Po-Sei-Don. He claims dominion of the oceans created so my children may rest? How… oh, what is the word, Badger?

[Pause]

Cute. How cute. Dagon. Cthulhu. Could you two please entertain your house guest for a bit?

[SFX: Water-logged screaming and the ocean tossing in chaos]

I’m sure they will play nice for a bit. Hmm… Something quite fast seems to be zipping about us, Badger. What is this one?

[Pause]

Oh, of course, you can’t tell without seeing it. My apologies, let me just see if I can…

[Your mutated arm whips out and snags a young man so fast he’s impossible to see and slams his face down into the ground]

There you are!

[SFX: Bones crunching]

Oh. Perhaps I slammed his face down a bit too hard. It seems he doesn’t have much of one anymore.

[Pauses]

Her-mes. The messenger for the gods? Interesting. So all of these beings love combat and conflict?

[You’re sure you answer but don’t hear it. You’re too busy staring down Ares]

I can sense your hatred for this one… For all of them. Because they are not indifferent like we are, but aware and cruel. Constantly taking their desires and rage out upon their subjects. Well, that does seem rude… We have our worshippers and we think to ourselves, “Hm, I wonder what boon they think they shall receive?”. Your kind seem afraid to ask but forced to. I understand. What do you wish to do?

[Pause]

Make them fear enough that they think twice about stepping out of line.

[A, panicked] “No matter what you are, demon, you will never be able to place your boot on the necks of the Olympians!”

[Pause]

Shh, grown-ups are talking. Hello? You have Azatoth… Hmm. Badger, there is one named ‘Hades’ on the line with Miss Nyx. He is requesting to know what is happening.

[Pause]

Yes. Hello, Mr. Hades. In short terms, my friend here is most upset with their treatment from your family and has asked me to come to mediate. It has gone rarely poorly thus far. I’ve had to return this ‘lightning’ to your ‘Zeus’ and he seems quite dead for it. Po-Sei-Don is still screaming in horror while he plays with some of my children in the abyss. And I believe your messenger is still twitching on the ground minus one face.

[Pause]

[(Optional) SFX: Muffled, hysterical male laughter]

[...]

…Well, he has been laughing consistently for a solid minute. I believe Miss Nyx is rolling her eyes and shaking her head. He has called over a ‘Charon’ and now ‘Charon’ is making a noise I believe is laughter. There is a Miss Persephone politely requesting we not hurt her mother… Is that the one trying to ensnare us with vines?

[Pause]

[You shoot a look at Demeter, who lifts both hands for peace with a sheepish smile]

…Very good of her to stop. Do you intend to come and fight by them, Mr. Hades?

[Pause]

He is laughing harder now. I like this one. Have a good day.

[SFX: A rush of fire]

[You look up and see the equivalent of a collapsing sun hurtling your way]

Goodness. That is a large sun they are sending our way. Don’t they know they’ll burn their own subjects?

[...]

I see what you mean. Let’s put this back where it belongs, and give back the light stolen by its golden-haired oppressor

[SFX: More Eldritch whispering]

[Millions of shadowed hands reached out from the icy tomb of space and right the sun. You think you can briefly see the stunned Apollo before he, too, is swallowed]

The embrace of a million shadowed hands to right the sun. To… teach him manners. Better. And what of the silver maiden who appears sad and annoyed at the same time? Ah, Artemis. She is… good? Good-ish? Good enough. Oh, and who is this helmed woman that holds a spear on us now?

[You turn and stare down Athena. She looks at you for a moment, your arm, and the world sort of ending around you]

…Can we help you, Miss Athena? Would you like to join our little sparring session?

[SFX: The whispers growing more powerful]

[Athena glares but stands back]

Smart. And kind of her to go look after her subjects than engage in a pointless battle. Are the females always the smarter ones? Fascinating, if so… That one over there can’t seem to decide between celebrating, sobbing, and punching the wall… Hera? Ah, of course.

[A] “N-No… This shouldn’t be! We are the gods of this planet! Our power is sure, infinite!

[Pause]

They are correct. You are gods of ‘this’ planet. So many planets have their own gods, be it with societies like yours or dark, singing stars where broods spend their lives in beautiful, nightmarish sleep. None are gods of the entire universe… save for me.

[A] “W-What? No. No! No one can make that claim!”

[Pause]

[SFX: The Coliseum rumbling]

The only reason you can question your reality, God of War, is that I GAVE YOU A REALITY TO QUESTION IN THE FIRST PLACE! Think… You know in your primal, limited mind what I am because you have always feared me. I am beyond your control, war means nothing to us, but if it were to, well…

[Your body gestures around at the chaos around you]

You know you would not be able to stop us. Your storm clouds are gifts from ME! Your seas, your thoughts, your nightmares, time, SPACE, it all comes from the dreams that I spin, and I am TEMPERED now simply to exist without breaking this dream you have RUINED with your selfishness, your cruelty… I can sense all that have been wronged by you, your brothers and sisters, and I am fixing it. I am undoing your damage just so you understand that you are no longer in control, you are no longer the strongest thing, even in your own reality

[SFX: The whispers growing]

[A] “NO ONE IS STRONGER THAN AN OLYMPIAN, DEMON! Why would I ever need fear something like you?!”

[You feel yourself smirk sadistically]

If you are so brave… why did you not charge me? Attack me? When I was busy with any of your cohorts?

[Ares pales. The silence is telling]

I thought not… A true god would truly not need fear anything. Though truth be told… This is a little, oh, what do you call it… fun. Seeing the looks on your faces is always a little silly. How they contort and break… Now. Let me just turn this sinew and shadow into a suitable weapon

[SFX: Bones snapping and rearranging and more whispers]

[Azatoth twists the nightmarish mass of tentacles, shadows, and molten keratin of your arm into something resembling a blade]

Now…

[You stance]

Let’s see how fast you can really go.