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[A4A] The Greatest Gifts Come In The Shittiest Packaging [Roommates to Lovers]/[Friends to Lovers] [Confession] [Holiday] [Cookies] [Holiday Movies] [L-Bombs] [Kissing] [Accidentally Falling On Top Of Them] [Cuddling] [Neighbors Arguing In The Background] [Slight Spice At The End]
Author Summary
softlikestatic is anyone looking for anyone in Slight Spice At The End
Post Body

Notes: This script is okay for monetization. Can be used on Patreon, just let me know if you do. If you use it, please give credit. You can change pronouns if preferred but otherwise please don't edit the script. My scripts are meant for adult audiences and all characters are 18 . For clarification on the format of the script, any place that says (Pause) is a place for the Listener's response. Anything in \asterisks and italics** isn't meant to be read aloud, it's there to either hint at the tone or provide context that might help the script make more sense.

Summary: It's cold as shit, the neighbors won't stop fighting, and it seems like the only thing on TV are cliche movies that all have the same plot - Yeah, it's the holiday season. Narrator and Listener are watching these cliche movies while eating some cookies, celebrating the season in their own way. While enjoying this quiet night in, their usual banter takes a more romantic turn, and their feelings for each other come to light.

Word Count: Approximately 1,602 words (Not including any actions or cues left in asterisks and italics)

Writer’s Notes: This script was somewhat inspired by an idea to make a script where you could include whatever noise is going on around your recording space (noisy neighbors, traffic, etc.), so feel free to include any annoying background noises as it's definitely in the spirit of the script

As of a few weeks ago, I felt like I was using too many notes as to what was going on in the script (i.e. the stuff I put in to build context), so I tried to cut back on that. But that made it a lot harder for me to write as it felt too rigid, so I switched back to the way I'd been writing. Hopefully it isn't too distracting.

Script Below:

\Listener and Narrator sit inside their apartment, watching cliche holiday movies (you know the ones) as a snowstorm rages outside. They can hear their neighbors loudly arguing in the apartment next door as the wind howls at the windows and the movie plays on. Narrator sighs.**

\Mildly annoyed, joking** “Alright, as much as I love marathoning all these cliche holiday movies, it’s a lot harder to enjoy when our neighbors are yelling like they want us to know about all their marital issues. Seriously, I know more about their relationship than I know about whatever’s going on in the movie. Speaking of which, where are we? She moved back from the big city to her family’s uh… Is this one a farm, or a bakery, or what?”

(Pause)

\Joking, amused** “Oh, a bookstore this time! Haven’t seen that one before. Or have we? We’ve seen so many of these movies that I’m starting to lose track.”

(Pause)

“You know, if it weren’t so damn cold, I’d say we should make a trip to the liquor store. Between all these cliches, I’m sure we could make an incredibly effective drinking game.”

\Listener says that would be* too effective of a drinking game, and Narrator laughs.\*

“Yeah, that would be a horrible idea. If we based the game off of every predictable event in these movies, we’d be passed out within half an hour. Maybe forty-five minutes, if we're lucky."

\Narrator laughs again.**

"Well, then I guess we’ll have to settle for more hot chocolate and cookies. Speaking of which, pass me another gingersnap?”

(Pause)

“Damn these are good. Who made these again?”

(Pause)

“Oh, that’s right. You said he gave you the cookies this morning, right?”

(Pause)

“We need to write him and his wife a ‘thank you’ card or something. Seriously, they gave us like, a metric shit ton of cookies. We should really get them at least a little something to say thank you with. Do you think they’d like soup or something? I think I have a recipe for beef and potato stew somewhere. That’d be pretty good for this kind of weather.”

(Pause)

“Right, we’ll make that for them then. We can start on it tomorrow and bring it to them in the evening.”

\Listener suggests that if they also get them something else.**

“True, we should probably get them something else to go with it. They’ve done a lot for us this year, especially over the summer. Got any ideas?”

(Pause)

“Hm… Oh, what about getting them some flowers? I remember that his wife said that she used to grow some of those uh… Those winter flowers in her garden. What were they called? The purple ones?”

(Short Pause)

“Right, winter irises! That’s the one. So what if we got them some of those and gave them the stew and the flowers? We could probably run down to that little green house in the afternoon and get a small little thing of those flowers and a planter to put them in. Shouldn’t take too long, and I bet they’d both love it.”

(Pause)

\Playful, pretending to be overly smug** “Yeah, that is a really sweet thing for me to think of, isn’t it? But what can I say? I’m the absolute sweetest ever. The sweetest sweetheart of all time.”

(Pause)

\Pretending to be offended** “Hey! That was supposed to be the part where you agree with me and tell me that I am sweet!”

(Pause)

“Wha-?! ‘Could stand for me to be sweeter?!’ How rude!”

\Narrator laughs.**

\Amused, joking** “Then I guess I’ll just eat all the cookies on my own then, since I need to be ‘sweeter.’ Maybe if I eat enough sugar, I’ll be sweet enough for you.”

(Pause)

“Nope, no cookies for you. All mine now. If you’re gonna be such a meanie, then I get to eat all the cookies.”

(Pause)

“Well then don’t be so mean, you-you bully! Bullies don’t get cookies!”

\Narrator laughs until they realize that Listener is reaching for the cookies.**

\Amused** “Hey, quit that! I just said that I’m not giving you any, so quit reaching for them!”

\Narrator laughs as Listener continues to reach for the cookies.**

“Cut it out, I’m not gonna give you a cookie!”

(Pause)

“Well then I’ll put them on the other side of me so you can’t get them.”

\Narrator laughs, continuing to hoard the cookies.**

\Amused, joking** “God, it’s like trying to keep a puppy away from a chew toy- Hey, quit trying to reach over me! That’s so rude! Don’t you have any manners?”

\Narrator laughs again.**

\Still amused, slightly more serious** “Hey now, if you keep trying to lean over me like that, you’re gonna make me fall over!”

(Pause)

“Seriously, if you don’t quit leaning on me like that, we’re going to-!”

\Narrator and Listener fall back against the couch, Narrator letting out a winded noise.**

\Pretending to be annoyed** “Like I was saying, if you keep leaning over me like that, we’re going to fall over.”

\There’s a short pause before both begin to laugh.**

“God, you’re so lucky you had me to break your… fall…”

\Narrator’s words trail off as they notice how close Listener is.**

“Oh… You’re uh… Really… Really…”

(Pause)

“Huh? Oh, um, nothing. I just noticed how close we are.”

(Pause)

“I mean, yeah, we’ve cuddled before, but it’s just that this is… closer.”

(Pause)

“No, it’s not a problem, but uh, your elbow is digging into my ribs.”

\Both laugh.**

“Now would you mind getting off me? Having your elbow lodged into my side isn’t exactly comfortable.”

\Teasing, Listener says they’ll move if Narrator lets them have some of the cookies.**

\Playful** “Ugh, fine, I guess so. If you get off of me, I’ll let you have more cookies.”

(Pause)

“Another one? Really? Ugh, you’re so demanding! Fine, what else do you want?”

(Pause)

“‘Cuddling for the rest of the movie?’”

(Pause)

“For the rest of the night?”

\Narrator pretends to consider this.**

“Hmm… I suppose I could make that happen. Now can you get off of me so we can cuddle in a way that won’t cause me pain?”

\The couch shifts as Listener and Narrator move around.**

“Here, I’m gonna lean back against the pillows, you wanna lay your head on my shoulder?”

(Pause)

“Is that comfortable? Your neck doesn’t hurt or anything, right?”

(Pause)

“Perfect. Drag that blanket over here, would you? Let’s settle in and get cozy, since apparently we’re going to be here for the rest of the night.”

(Pause)

“Yeah, yeah, keep laughing. I’m sure you won’t be laughing after a few more of these god-awful movies.”

(Pause)

“Well, at least we’ll still have some delicious cookies, thank god I moved them out of the way in time. Speaking of which, you want one?”

(Pause)

“Yeah, no problem. Now let’s get back to the movie and see where we’re at.”

(Long Pause)

“Is it just me, or does something feel off?”

(Short Pause)

“I don’t know. We’ve got the blankets, the cookies, the hot chocolate, the cuddles… What are we missing?”

\Narrator and Listener’s arguing picks back up. Both sigh.**

“Ah, there it is. Loud, arguing neighbors. They’re back. Great. Oh hey, look at that! Just in time for the characters in the movie to start their ‘But how could I love you when you’re selling my family’s bookstore’ argument! What incredible timing.”

(Pause)

“God, I can’t even hear the movie over them this time. Seriously, how is their arguing making watching terrible movies even less fun? It’s damn near a super power.”

\There’s a pause - while their neighbors continue arguing - before Narrator laughs.**

“You know, I just realized something.”

(Pause)

“Well, I was thinking that, between the snow, the endless cliche movies, and our neighbors yelling so loud I can barely hear the movies, I can’t say it’s not the most exciting holiday I’ve ever had. Hell, it hardly feels like a holiday at all. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

(Pause)

\Genuine, sincere** “Yeah, really. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be or anything else that I’d rather be doing. Sitting here with you, watching shitty movies and listening to our neighbors yell at each other - this is exactly how I want to spend the holidays.”

(Pause)

“Because I like being here with you. If I was here alone, it would suck. A lot. I’d probably be losing my mind right about now. But being with you makes everything better. You make everything better.”

(Pause)

“Yes, you do. You’re cool, you’re funny, you’re so much fun to be around. I love spending time with you - Hell, I could spend all of my time with you and I’d never be bored. Moving in with you was the best decision I’ve ever made. There’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

\Joking, Listener says that Narrator sounds like they’re about to confess their love for Listener. Narrator hesitates for a moment.**

\Soft, hesitant** “What if I am saying that I love you?”

(Pause)

“I mean, if I were saying that I love you, what, uh… What would you say to that?”

(Pause)

“Yeah, I’m serious. I’m, well, I’m in love with you. And I don’t mean in a platonic way, I mean it as more. More than roommates, more than friends - I mean I love you like you’re every dream I’ve ever had in one person. You are everything I’ve ever wanted, wrapped up with a smile so cute it makes my head spin. Living with you is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Every day I get to wake up and see you in our kitchen is a gift, and I Wouldn't trade it for the world. You are everything I could have asked for and more. It would’ve been impossible for me to not fall for you.”

\Narrator sighs.**

“Oh, god, this is all so damn cheesy, isn’t it? Fuck, I can’t even believe I said all that, I-”

\Listener kisses Narrator, catching them off guard. They kiss a few times.**

“I guess you’re uh, pretty into me too, then?”

(Pause)

\Relieved, happy** “Oh, thank god. You know, I thought you might, but I didn’t want to assume.”

(Pause)

“Well, there’s only so many times that you can steal my hoodies, cuddle with me, and fall asleep in my bed before I begin to have my suspicions.”

\Narrator begins to chuckle before Listener kisses them again, and they kiss for a while.**

“So, is that how you’re going to try to keep me from teasing you? Just kissing me until I forget whatever we were talking about?”

(Pause)

“Oh yeah? Well then if it works so well, then go ahead and prove it.”

\Listener and Narrator kiss for a while before Listener suddenly stops.**

\Confused, slightly disappointed.** “Huh? Wait, why’d you stop kissing me?”

(Pause)

“Oh, c’mon, you know you were enjoying it just as much as I was.”

(Pause)

“Yeah you were. Just admit it.”

(Pause)

“Fine, how about this; we’re both really good at shutting each other up, and we both really, really enjoy it. Can we agree on that at least?”

(Pause)

“Perfect. Now shut me up again, would you? Oh wait, but first-”

\Narrator gives Listener a quick, chaste kiss.**

“Remind me that we need to buy mistletoe when we’re out tomorrow. Now that I know you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you, I plan to take full advantage of that tradition.”

\The audio can either end here or can be continued with kissing and/or ambience, whatever Narrator sees fit.**

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