Context: You've lived with your roommate for a while and get along fantastically. He's even helped you take care of the injured bat you brought home to nurse back to health. You both joke that with you, him, and Squeakers, the bat, you've formed something of a little polycule. Cute, right? But probably never going to happen. Unless...?

Setting: Your apartment

Tags:[MM4A][Strangers to Lovers?][Yandere Vampire Speaker][Deredere Himbo Roommate Speaker][Kind Listener][Wholesome][But Weird][Vampire Reveal][Spicy][Polyamory?][Bonding][Comedy][Flirting]

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***

[R] = Your Roomie, a good-natured himbo

[S] = Squeakers, the bat

***

[Scene opens in your apartment]

[SFX: Bat squeakies]

[You hover over a little terrarium, tending to an injured bat]

[SFX: A door knock]

[R] “Hey, Roomie! How is Squeakers doing? Can I come in?”

[Pause]

[Your roommate steps inside and hovers over you with a big smile]

[R] “Aww… Hewwo Squeakers, hewoooo widdle baby!”

[SFX: More bat squeakies]

[R] “Hmhm, what a cute little sky puppy. You're doing such a great job of helping rehabilitate him! You’re always so great with animals, though. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

[<3]

[Your roommate laughs, rubbing the back of his head with a blush]

[R] “Aw, shucks… You’re a sweetheart. Hey, do you feel like hanging out tonight? School starting back up has really robbed us of our bad action movie nights way too much, and Squeakers seems more chill.”

[Pause!]

[R] “Awesome! I gotta get my workout in first, but if you don’t mind picking up a pizza, I’ll order it. I think they’re still short-staffed on delivery drivers.”

[Pause]

[R] “Cool beans! I’ll make sure to check in on Squeakers. Drive safe, OK?”

[Pause]

[He gives you a big ol’ himbo hug and you head out]

[SFX: Car keys jingling and a door opening and closing]

**[Time transitions to an hour later]*\*

[You return from your trip about an hour later, carrying a few pizza boxes as you know your Roomie’s appetite]

[SFX: Keys jingling and the door opening]

[Pause?]

[You call out for him but don’t hear an answer]

[...?]

[R] “H-Help!”

[SFX: Something breaking]

[You sprint further into the apartment and burst into your room, taken aback as you see a man pinning your very strong roommate down]

[Pause?!]

[S] “Oh heeeeeyyyy, sweetheart.”

[R, stunned] “Squeakers can talk. And is a man. A grown man.”

[...]

[S] “Yeah… funny how vampirism works, isn’t it? Hehe, this one is funny. Such a meathead… I bet you’re a bleeder, huh, muscle puppy? Full of protein?”

[R] “Uhhh…”

[Pause!]

[The man… Squeakers (???) looks at you and a lovestruck smile crosses his lips]

[S] “Hmmm, it’s so nice to be able to talk to you, darling… I wasn’t expecting to get hit by that tropical storm and flung bass-ackwards from fucking Florida. Fucking. FLORIDA. Eugh… Knocked me stupid. Couldn’t even transform back because I legitimately thought I was a godamned bat!”

[Pause]

[S] “Heehee, I know, I know… I woke up and you were clutching to me your chest, nice, and taking care of me and cooing over me. I’ve had lovestruck thralls that didn’t talk to me with such affection. As I said, I thought I was a bat for over a month but then, you know what hit me?”

[...?]

[S] “Well, obviously, bats don’t fucking PINE for people. The second I realized I’d been planning out our wedding, I actually went: “Hey, wait a damned second!”. And that’s when your muscly puppy dog here rushed in, saw me, and went, “Whoa, Squeakers, you got hench!”.”

[A confused laugh escapes you. You have no idea why]

[Pause]

[S] “See? We can all laugh about it, Muscle Puppy! And, you know, I totally get you secretly being in love with them, thing, buuuut… in the same boat, yeah. Can’t have any competition, can we?”

[R] “Bro, that is such a dick move-”.

[Pause!]

[As you snap, both of them pause, Squeakers mid-bite and Roomie mid-shoving his hand in Squeaker’s mouth]

[R] “A compromise?”

[S] “What kind of compromise could be found, nyem, here? Eugh, dude, why is your skin so salty?”

[R] “I just finished my workout when you turned into a vampire, BRO! Sweat is salty! Also, stop trying to eat me!”

[S] “I’m not gonna eat you, I’m just gonna drink your blood like you’re a human-sized-and-shaped sippy cup!”

[Pause]

[R] “Huh…? What do parrots have to do with this?”

[S] “Polyamory is a relationship with more than two partners, idiot… But that would mean sharing…”

[R] “Wait, like, we’d both be your boyfriends? Um… I dunno, I’ve never been with another guy before. Squeakers is hot, but-”.

[S, with a laugh] “Wait. The meathead thinks I’m hot?”

[Your Roomie turns bright red. Or, redder]

[R] “S-Shut up, I can think other guys are hot, and you are! In that, you know, vampire way… Wait. WAIT. If you’ve been a vampire this whole time, does that mean you were being a…”

[Roomie lowers his voice to a whisper, scandalized]

[R] “...pervert when you crawled down our shirts and in our pants’ pockets?”

[S] “W-Wha-, no! S-Shut up! I still thought I was a BAT!”

[...]

[R] …

[S] “... OK, maybe I was being a little bit of a pervert… Can you blame me? Darling here is just… I mean, purrr, and you’re not the worst human I’ve ever seen, Meathead. But I don’t share, no sir, haven’t in three hundred years of being alive.”

[Pause]

[S, with a pout] “But baaaabeee…”

[Pause]

[The two men exchange looks before Squeakers finally relents]

[S] “Ffffine. I guess we can talk this out over pizza… But I get to cuddle them first!”

[R, raising his hands for peace] “O-OK, no problem, dude…”

[...]

[S] “Yaaay, movie night! Let’s go, my B-Words!”

[He floats on out and you and Roomie exchange looks]

[...]

[R] “...I, uh… Love you?”

[You tell him you love him as well, both of you utterly bemused as you head into the living room as a newly formed(?) polycule]

[S] “C’mon, you lazy butts! It’s like the nineteenth car movie and I think they finally did a whole movie with no cars! SUBMARINES, BABY!”

[The End?]