Note: If ever you were going to pay attention to my CW/TW warnings, please do so now. Thank you.

***

Context: Dull. Like a rough stone shined smooth. Hi honey, what were we talking about? Sorry, this is a script. Sorry, this isn't real. Yes, it is, though, how could it not be? How could something that hurts this much not be real? ... I think I need to call you back.

Setting: ...

Tags: [MA4A][Worried Boyfriend Speaker][Nurse Speaker][Listener Experience Psychosis][Comfort][Angst][Psychotic Episode][Memory Loss][Confusion][Overwhelmed][Losing Touch][Hospital][Past/Present][CW: Implied Self Harm/Suicide Attempt/Overdose]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:

Monetization: All forms of monetization are OK with me! Youtube, Patreon, etc. I would appreciate being able to listen to the recording, if possible. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you!

***

[N] = A nurse

All other unmarked text is your boyfriend

***

[Scene opens…]

[SFX: Muted, you don’t know where you are]

“Hey? Baby?”

[Pause?]

[You blink a few times and glance around for him. It takes you a second to realize you’re on the phone with him]

[Pause]

“Y-Yeah, we’re talking on the phone, baby. Are you OK? You called me and we were talking about dinner, then you just went quiet.”

[...]

“Your brain feels… dull? Mmh, that doesn’t sound good, hon.”

[Pause]

“You think you’re going to be fired? Aw hon, no. You’ve been a little sick lately, but you have a great boss! It’s just the anxiety talking, babe. I really think you need to call your Mom and apologize.”

[...?]

[SFX: His voice is a little muted]

“What? No, I said to call your therapist. Your Mom… she isn’t here anymore, remember? She can’t hurt you anymore.”

[Pause]

“No no no, hon. You aren’t ‘doomed’. That’s the anxiety. You don’t need to… ‘atone’ for being happy for a few minutes. The universe isn’t about to strike you down for just being alive, OK? You’ve been here before. You never left.”

[...?]

“Huh? I said you’ve been here before, so you know you can leave again, and I’m going to be here for you all the way through, OK?”

[SFX: Scissors opening and closing]

“Baby? Are you holding scissors?”

[...]

“You… cut your hair short, again. OK, I really liked it short! But, you were so upset last time… Are you OK?”

[...]

“You wanted to do that instead of hurting yourself… OK. OK, that’s fair, and I really appreciate it. Did you take your meds like normal?”

[...?]

“You think so? Do you remember how you learned to tell?”

[Pause]

“Yeah… Your stomach does get really upset when you do take them. You get that feeling like the front side of your brain has been sandpapered down when you don’t take them, and that ache behind your eyes.”

[Pause]

[He gives a weak laugh]

“Yeah… Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I know it sucks either way… and I know the vomiting from the meds sucks. I’m sorry, baby, I’m sure your doctor can address it, but… You need to go to an appointment, sweetie. You keep canceling…”

[...]

“No, I… Don’t apologize, I know this is hard.”

[SFX: Something shattering]

“Baby!”

[...]

“O-OK, OK, you threw something. No, baby, shhh… It’s OK to cry. You cry all you need, OK? I’m going to tell Pete I need to get home, OK?”

[Pause!]

[SFX: Some cloth shuffling]

“Lemme just grab my jacket-”.

[Pause]

[A nurse peers into your eyes, concerned]

[N] “So, you came here tonight because you’re feeling suicidal? Do you have a plan?”

[...?]

“Hey, it’s OK. The plans I had with the guys can wait, baby. I’ll be there ASAP!”

[...]

[N] “I’m sorry. Because you said you had suicidal intent, we have to take you for psychiatric evaluation. We can’t release you until we clear you, OK?”

[Pause]

“Baby?”

[SFX: A heartbeat]

[N] “Here’s your room for right now, alright? Don’t worry, it’ll be OK.”

[...?]

“Screaming? No, I don’t hear any screaming… Listen, give me ten minutes and I’ll be on my way home. It’s OK for you to cry-”.

[Pause]

[N] “You’ve been crying a lot… Listen, the doctor can’t put you on that med again. It’s really frowned upon in this county. We’ll find an alternative, don’t worry.”

[Pause]

“Um… the blue pills? Yeah, you still have some left that we haven’t disposed of. Just be careful, OK? The doctor said to only take one a day if you really need it.”

[...]

[Well, that’s unfortunate]

[N] “OK, here’s your new medication. Haha, I know, it’s a lot, but the dosages need to be split this way. Yeah, feel free to take it in two dosages - as long as it’s with food or a glass of milk, OK? It can make you really sick otherwise.”

[...]

“Baby, you’ve eaten today, right? You get really sick when you wait until 6 PM to eat…”

[SFX: Really angry stomach noises]

[N] “Hey, are you feeling OK?”

[...]

[N] “What year is it? It’s-”.

“...2022, babe. It’s… It’s 2022. Baby, I think you need to call your doctor. You haven’t had a bad episode like that since-”.

[N] “-it’s 2017… You’re looking pretty pale, let me get a doctor.”

[Pause]

“Baby?”

[N] “Hey? Hey, I need a doctor, stat-!”

[SFX: The heartbeat quickening]

“Baby, how many of those blue pills did you take?! “

[SFX: A low ringing]

[N] “Patient is reacting negatively to the new medication-!”

[Pause]

“Baby, that’s how much your normal meds are! Jesus Christ, hang on, I’m calling an ambulance!”

[Everything twists together in a beautiful tapestry of powerful cramps twisting your body in half, thoughts bubbling from under miles of ice-cold mud. Terror and hope and peace and regret]

[N] “C’mon, stay with us, now!”

“BABY!”

[The sound fades around you]

**[Scene transitions to the hospital]*\*

[SFX: Hospital sounds]

[For a long time, you can’t decide if you’re alive or dead. Ice slides down your spine and your thoughts echo from a place far away]

“B…by?”

[Pause]

[You guess you aren’t dead, after all. Your eyes flutter open and squint against the light. Your boyfriend hovers at your side]

“Baby! Oh, thank God!”

[...?]

“You… You went into a psychotic episode, they think. You took the blue pills in a large quantity… we think you mistook the number of pills for your regular dosage… Christ, I’m glad you’re OK, I was so worried!”

[Pause]

“H-Hey, no… It’s OK, don’t cry. Or, do… Whatever you need…”

[He holds your hand as you try and force the demons out, even if it’s just for a little bit]

[Pause]

“Oh, baby… I know it’s hard. I know it’s so, so hard, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate how hard you fight just to be here…”

[His voice cracks and, before long, he’s sobbing with you]

“I know you just want the pain to stop… I know. We’re going to find a way to manage it though, OK? The world needs someone as incredible, beautiful, funny and… and as everything as you are, OK? We will… I promise.”

[Pause]

“I’m here. I know things are fractured right now. Just try and rest, OK? You’ll come out of this psychotic break, and I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere…”

[...]

[You can’t really do much else, at this point]

“I love you, baby.”

[You don’t see how but, again, what else can you do at this point besides admit you aren’t free? You never will be.]

“And I’m not going anywhere…”

[...but at least you’re not alone]

[The End]

Note: I am writing from my heart, here, and I know this is NOT for everyone. I really hope anyone who’s gotten this far heeded the trigger warnings. If you’ve experienced any of this and have fought to still be here, thank you. There are resources out there, people you can talk to, and ways to move forward. Please always remember people care. Thank you.