Context: You're the Sheriff around these parts. A hard-nosed, no-nonsense figure that's almost considered a local legend. You take your job seriously, so when rumors of pirates somehow sailing through the gorge toward Deadman's Cave, well, you had to do something. Let's hope the pirates don't fuck around because, with you, they WILL find out.

Setting: Deadman's Gorge

Tags:[MM4A][Smarmy Pirate Captain Speaker][No-Nonsense Sheriff Listener][Cowboys][Pirates][Supernatural][Kelpie]["Flirting"][Action][Smarmy][Fight][Adventure!][CW: Violence/Death]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects.

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***

[OM] = An old man, into wood carving

All unmarked text is Captain Silver-Tongue (but shhh you don’t know his name yet)

***

[Scene opens in a small desert settlement]

[SFX: A quiet hiss of a rattlesnake and the desert wind]

[You’re leaning against the saloon with your eyes shut, almost wishing for something to happen when an older man hobbles up to you]

[OM] “Sheriff! Them ghost sails is back!”

[Pause?]

[OM] “I saws ‘em as they passed by Deadman’s Gorge! I don’t know how but theys is sailing down in the water from the gorge! They done fired shots and me and Jeb as were trying to find some wood!”

[Pause?]

[OM] “What? No, not firewood… For cutting into them cute little statues the ladies love so much.”

[SFX: Boot spurs]

[OM] “You go get ‘em Sheriff! Kelp was grazin’ outside the plains last I saw him!”

[You hurry toward the plains and see your less-than-noble steed grazing near some water and whistle for him]

[SFX: A whistle and a horse neighing before taking off]

**[Scene transitions to Dead Man’s Gorge]*\*

[You wait atop a shelf carved into the tangerine colored rock. It doesn’t take long before you see the massive ship navigating the narrow ravine in a way that shouldn’t be possible]

[SFX: Distant revelry and shanties followed by a quiet horse whinny]

[You wait until it’s right beneath and then drop with your steed into the water behind. Someone asks:]

“Oy, did you lads hear that? That was a loud splash for the regular bends here… Oy! Listen, I know I said to get as drunk as possible but I’m the Captain here and you louts need to pay attention. We’re not exactly in a favorable position, now are we?”

[More drunken revelry answers him]

“Boys, this little venture of ours is making us a damned fortune, so how’s about you stop fucking up a good thing before we get ambushed! The Sheriff of these parts has a reputation for being merciless and, believe it or not, I’d rather not get any landies involved. So, last time.”

[He raises his voice and it becomes booming and commanding]

“GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!”

[SFX: The drunken revelry stopping]

“Good. That’s what I godamned thought. I swear, you boys are gonna get me killed one of these days and then they’re gonna have to spell my full name out on my tombstone and it’s just gonna be Hell for all involved!”

[You watch, safe in the cover of Kelp, and pick a stone from your right pocket - a red one. Your steed looks at it and snorts in acknowledgement: blue for mercy, red for death]

[SFX: Water frothing and then a majestic horse leap]

[The Captain whips around to face you]

“What on Earth is-?”

[SFX: Water splashing furiously and a horse whinnying]

“Oh SHIT-! KELPIE! WATER HORSE!”

[You and Kelp leap aboard the boat and your steed sets to work wreaking absolute havoc while you draw your revolvers]

[SFX: Gunshots in calculated bursts and Kelp throwing people into the water below]

“Now, hang on there, Sheriff! Or, as you find sand-pelting fucks love to say, WHOA!”

[You turn and the Captain has a gun on you. He pulls the trigger but Kelp turns to ice in front of you, staring him down]

[SFX: The gunshot being blocked by ice]

“Well damn… How’d you tame a Kelpie, sweetheart? Word is that these things drown people and not much else, huh?”

[Pause]

“OK, OK, not much of a talker. Damn, you are a looker though. I’m finding it hard to be mad that you just murdered my crew! Hm? Oh, well sure I’m reloading my flintlock, but-”.

[SFX: A gunshot]

[You shoot his gun right out of his hand. He responds in kind with a “Welp” expression]

“And they shot my gun out of my hand effortlessly. Didn’t expect to fall in love today but phew, Sheriff, you are making it difficult! Gonna shoot me now, huh? Shoot the dumb grin right off of my dumb, handsome face?”

[Pause]

“No? I’m under arrest, huh? Damn.”

[SFX: A revolver clicking, out of bullets]

[The Captain smirks at you]

“Aww, out of bullets, Sheriff? Well, gosh, how ever are you going to capture me now?”

[His eyebrows raise as you lasso him]

“Oh, with a lasso, yes I se-HRK!”

[SFX: The rope going taut and a punch to the face]

“OUGH! Agh… D-Did you really just lasso me and yank me forward so you could punch me in the FACE?! You PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!”

[Pause]

“Alright, alright! Hang on… You seem like a reasonable if astonishingly angry and terrifying person, right? Look, see how I’m tapping the plans beneath me? That’s pirate for “I’m surrendering, let’s have a drink together!”.”

[Pause]

“Do I think you’re stupid? Nooo, why would I-?”

[SFX: Slightly muffled water horse fury and muffled panic]

“...Shit, you sent your horse down into the bowels of my ship. Heh. Damn, smart, strong and scary? Sheriff, I’m likely to fall in love! Got plenty of rings below deck if you want one on that pretty, callused finger?”

[Pause]

“OK, OK, I’m under arrest for crimes against human decency. But you might want to let me at least steer my ship so we don’t wind up in a very unfortunate place I like to call “the bottom of a fucking cave”.”

[You glance up and see that, in all the excitement, you’ve missed the gaping maw leading into Deadman’s Cave]

[...]

[The Captain laughs heartily]

“Aye! “Shit” is a pretty apt descriptor! Hold on tight, Sheriff, looks like you’re going to be joining me on an adventure!”

[SFX: The boat tilting into the opening of the cave]

“Too late, Sheriff! You can’t lasso your way out of this so just tilt your head back and let out a big SCREAM if you’re scared!”

[SFX: Powerful rushing water and the creaking of the ship]

“Go on. Scream, Sheriff! Scream all you want! Hehe, here we goooo!”

[But you don’t. You steel yourself, like always, and glare at the Captain as you both are thrown into an endless void]

[To be continued]