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Listen if you ever feel overwhelmed by the insanity of the world I want you to know you're not alone. I'm right there with you. I wanted to write something optimistic, because I feel there's not always a lot of that out there in the universe. Feel free to modify and monetize. And as always I dig feedback. Take care of eachother.

I think I played too much New Vegas as a kid dude.

This takes place in the fictional universe that the character in this script is rambling about:https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/vt5ua0/friend_rambles_to_you_about_their_favorite/

Dialogue in plain text

Sound effects in bold

Context in italics

A mutant warrior is standing on a cliff overlooking a post-apocalyptic wasteland, wind blowing through their hair. They're doing a monologue. Y’know like the monologue in every single post apocalyptic story ever. Unfortunately their post-apocalypse is a little sillier than others.

I never asked for this.

This war.

This eternal struggle to survive

In the distant past God banished mankind from Eden. So we built a new one. But nothing had changed. A new weapon called the apocalypse laser was developed. It was supposed to ensure eternal peace between nations. A weapon nobody could fire.

It was fired within three years. And our new Eden faded away just a fast as the old one.

The powerful and the wealthy hid below ground because they could, like always.

The rest of us were stuck on the surface.

And we were changed.

I was changed.

The madness overtook me. The radiation made me into something new. Something terrible. A horrid mutant in the shambling image of humanity. I did what I could to survive and held out hope that the vault people would come to our rescue.

But when the vaults opened the human remnants attacked us. They had changed, they had been bound into servitude by some strange Chthonic power. They didn't see us as human anymore, just something to be wiped away. Man had become beast and beast had become man.

There is no hope anymore. No peace. Only the sweet embrace of death awaits us.

I had dreams once, I wanted to be a plumber. But now my only dreams are of revenge. The only plumbing I get to do is the plumbing in hell.

Soon death will find me. But first I must fight I must-

Their companion (A healer class character) Pops in to ask what they're doing

Hey, beat it! I’m trying to brood!

They explain that somebody needs help

Look tell that rancher we’ll do his stupid escort mission when we get to it! I’m doing my “post apocalyptic monologue” thing!

Yes I have to do this every day! Its part of my whole thing. I’m the big mean broody mutant, you're the sunny happy companion. Now tell that side quest to beat it! We’ll find his dumbass son later.

Companion leaves

Now then where was I?

Companion pops back

No! I don't need any water!

Actually no I’m kinda thirsty, gimme that.

Drinking

I swear to the rusted ones the only reason I hang out with you is because you have the most inventory slots. I should have picked that cyborg ferret with the laser instead.

Listener is sad to hear this

Oh don't give me that look! You only hang with me because my karma is good with your faction anyways.

Do you have to brood so much

Yes I do have to brood so much! In case you haven't noticed I’m a giant messed up mutant! I hate this! I’m all green and stuff.

Although I never was this buff, before. And I got these weird mutant druid powers, I guess that's kinda cool. And green was always my favorite color.

I used to look like my Mom/Dad though. I miss them!

So get lost! You don't understand man

Listener is saddened and scurries away

Now where was I

Brooding voice is back

The war ended with no winners. Just the dead. And the unlucky ones. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can see all the people I failed. All the bodies I added to the pile. When the world is silent I hear the screams. The tears. The souls of the damned are my only company now.

This hopeless world has broken my spirit. There's nothing left for me but the peace of the grave. But even then the torment wouldn't cease-

Listener pops back. Dinner is ready

What?

No, I don't want any of your barbequed megalizard! I’m sad! I just-I just don't know sometimes.

They reconsider

Wait no I’m sorry. I’ll have some. It sounds really nice.

They walk down to the fire.

Nomming sounds

This is really good. You got it at the right temp. Nice and juicy. Also I love this death pepper sauce you make. Great stuff. I love your cooking.

Look I’m sorry I’m always brooding. Brooding is just kind of my thing. It's how I deal with stress. I feel so overwhelmed and I just don't know what to do. I don't know if it really helps to be honest. It just kind of makes me spiral. It's not a good habit but brooding makes me feel like I have some level of control I guess.

Besides, why wouldn't I brood, this place is a mess!

Listener gives a more optimistic spin on the world

Don't tell me stuff is getting better! How about you go down to New Omaha and tell that to the powerslaves in the shadow ore mines! Or maybe run into town and tell that to little Timmy. You know his dad and sister got taken by Void Psyrens right in front of him! They just yoinked them away and that boy couldn't do anything. He wont sleep in a shelter anymore, because he thinks they came because of him and he’d be putting others in danger.

Stuff is messed up man, and we try to do this whole hero thing but we’re shoveling water with a pitchfork. I miss hope man. I miss feeling good about the future.

As a kid I was so sunny and optimistic. I thought life was grand and humanity was swell and everything was just gonna work out. I miss that kid. I wish there was still some of them left.

I want it back man. I want the past back.

Sometimes I find old records from the before times. Old newspapers and books and stuff. It's funny how all the rusted ones' problems seem so silly now. Fighting over what country got what city. Who got to have what, who paid for what thing, who got to make the calls. all that crap.

They start frustrated crying a bit

And its so stupid, because they all knew that the minute they fired that laser none of that was going to matter. All they ever did was go on and on about peace and love, but it always had to be on their terms. And sometimes I wonder if that's what doomed them. Someone at some point made the choice to damn them all rather than give up something. I don't know who or what, but that's the point. I doesn't matter

And nothing has changed! This world isn't worth a match in a volcano and we’re still just bashing eachother over it. There's no hope for us buddy. We can't fix humanity. Ever since Cain and Abel, we’re doomed to repeat the same damned story. I don't want to participate anymore. I just want it all to stop.

listener offers to tell the Rancher that they cant help them.

They regain resolve a little

No we’re still gonna help that guy. We got to. He doesn't have anybody else, even if we aren't worth much in the end.

Laughs

I guess you're right. If I really believe that stuff I say, why do we even bother? I need to practice what I preach or quit preaching it.

Maybe I’m wrong though, that's what I keep thinking. Maybe things can be different this time around. Maybe we can learn, maybe this time, this time we’ll get it right. Build a world worth living in. Find a place we can call home.

Things have gotten better. We have knowledge that they didn't have in the olden times, the last time it all crashed down. We have technology they didn't have. Maybe even a little wisdom. There's bad guys out there, but you and me, we’re gonna go out there everyday and we're gonna take them on. One maniac at a time, and we’ll take this world back.

If we don't lose sight of the good in this world, we’ll never run out of light. That's what I hope anyway. Maybe if the rusted ones had thought like that, we wouldn't be in this mess.

My dream is that one day, we can turn this post-apocalypse into a post-post-apocalypse. I don't think it will come true, but I can dream.

I want to keep living. I want to keep going. I want more life and I want you to be there with me. Keeping me on the ground. My disposition has improved so much since I met you, you don't even know.

You and me buddy. We’re gonna make this right.

The sunset is really pretty tonight. If you squint this world seems to be healing a little.

Y’know what yeah it is pretty rad. I need to stop hanging out with you, you make me sound so paragon. And I'm a renegade for life baby.

Hey you got anymore of that megalizard? I’m freaking starving.

-30-