***

Context: Today was meant to be your wedding. The day you committed to your partner and you being joined together forever. And then he and the rest of the wedding party never showed up. Now, you're sitting in the middle of the park as cold rain pours down on you and your wedding dress, trying to make sense of it all. You're not the only one having a bad day though, it seems. The universe may just be looking out for you. Just a little.

Setting: The park/his flat

Tags: [M4F][Strangers to Lovers?][Abandoned Groom Speaker][Abandoned Bride Speaker][Left At The Altar][Odd Meet Cute][Flirting][Kisses][Fake Relationship?][CW: Being Dumped/Cheated On]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording please DM me first. Thank you :3

***

[SFX: Pouring rain and soft thunder]

[You sit on the edge of a fountain in the middle of a beautiful, historical park, in a wedding dress on the edge of ruin. The fact that someone is approaching you barely registers until a man sits next to you]

“Ah, hi.”

[He gives a sad, sheepish smile]

“I hope you don’t mind me sitting here. Given how I’m dressed, and how you’re dressed, I felt like the absurdity of the situation might help me laugh a little.”

[You notice, at last, that he’s in a very nice black suit]

[Pause]

“Hehe… Yep. Left at the altar. Oof, that wedding dress looks expensive. Let me guess - guy totally double dips when salsa diving?”

[Pause]

“Nailed it. Hm? Ohhhh, hahaha, you got me. She had a pout that could rival a puppy’s and had that exact whining voice that triggered this urge in me to protect her. Oh, and she could never figure out how to not burn scrambled eggs. Scrambled. Fucking. Eggs. OK, OK, my turn… Your guy he’s the big delinquent type, melts your heart when he’s sweet but absolutely never respects your boundaries. Thinks you being legitimately mad at him is “cute”?”

[Pause]

[The man laughs]

“Damn, you’re good at this! Yep, you got me. She was the helpless princess type, always playing stupid when you wanted her to do anything useful. Wait… Hang on, our wedding was in the manor, but that’s really close. What does your ex look like?”

[You describe him]

[The man goes quiet for a moment before he bursts into laughter]

“Are you freaking serious?! Oh my God, no! Noo! Agh, help Wife, I’m laughing too hard!”

[He steadies a little still racked with laughter]

“Sweetheart, I… I think our exes are their currents.”

[You both pause and then burst into laughter, almost sounding insane]

“Ho-ly shit! That is… wow. What shitty author is writing this romcom setup, amirite? Woo! Eheh… um. Wow…Well, hey, shoutout to our shitty exes, hm?”

[You catch him staring and he glances away]

[Pause?]

“Sorry. I just noticed that you’re really, really stunning is all. Sorry, I’m bad at censoring myself. It’s one of the things she really hated about me. But, yeah, wow… He has no idea what he gave up, does he?”

[Pause]

“No, it’s not just that you’re visually stunning… I sat down and started self-deprecating to try not to start sobbing, and you joined in as naturally as a soft greeting. You made me feel less alone… Almost everyone at the wedding was her family, so it’s just me. How about you?”

[Pause]

“Eesh… I’m really sorry, sweetheart. No one as beautiful as you deserves this kind of karmic dumpster fire. Hm. Almost makes me wish I wasn’t this lazy. Might try and scheme up a little way to get revenge…”

[...]

“Godamn, that devious look in your eye… A-Ah, hm? I’m listening… Wha…? Really?”

[He grins, giggling conspiratorially]

“You want to take pictures of us kissing and being all gross and affectionate to make them jealous? Oh, just to show we don’t care. Fair enough. OK, it has to be convincing. Tell me stuff that’ll make me fall in love with you.”

[You chat while he pulls out his phone and fiddles with it a bit]

“No way… That’s how I eat pie, too. And there’s totally nothing wrong with grocery shopping at 2 AM to avoid big crowds, I do too. Also, late night munchies. OK, um… I want to open a big cat reserve one day. I never would do this, but I’d dream every day about getting to pet an annoyed tiger or something. Honestly, if I could, I’d buy a private island and just take care of animals every day until I died. Then they could eat me. Way cheaper than a funeral”

[Pause]

“Hey… that’s my favorite movie, too! Huh. OK, pretend kiss?”

[You move closer and he “kisses” you, taking a few pictures]

“Mmh. OK, good angles. Looks like we’re really hot and bothered for each other. Want to do any other cutesy poses or something?”

[Pause]

“Oh shit, you’re right. We’re out here in cold rain and you’re in a wedding dress. Here, I brought an umbrella. There you go… Look, I know this is weird, but do you want to come back to my flat? It’s a five minute walk from here and I’m sure I have some t-shirts and shorts that’ll fit you.”

[You shrug - why not. If he eats your face, it’s still a better love story than this crap]

“Cool. C’mon, my new friend. You can chill while I throw her shit in some boxes. I reckon the local charity will appreciate some high-quality fashion, don’t you?”

[Pause]

[He laughs]

“Ooh! Hohoho, you are petty, my new love. Yeah, I reckon you’re about her size. You can totally play dress-up and snap some selfies.”

[SFX: A door opening as you get to his flat]

“One sec, lemme just get the spare key from under the rug here. She was always losing her key and just kept using this one. There, no more magic key. Come on in, my friend, make yourself at home.”

[You get changed and warmed up, chucking your wedding dress in a garbage bag he provides]

[Pause?]

“Huh? Oh, my name! Adrian. Yours?”

[Pause]

[He smiles]

“Pretty. Well, welcome to my obsessively clean flat. That woman never knew how to pick up after herself, so I’ve developed a somewhat nervous habit of cleaning. Gotta love the exes that leave you with some new mental illness tics, right?”

[Pause]

“Hehe, yeah, feel free to throw on some trash TV. You look good in a big, nerdy t-shirt. How’s about some depression pizza?”

[You give him the thumbs up. This wasn’t exactly how you planned your wedding going but it could be worse]

“Yo, scoot over.”

[You do and he flops down next to you on the couch, snapping a few more pics as you two pretend to be all cozy and happy]

“Heh, check it out. We look like a legit couple, super happy and content with each other. Wild, right?”

[It is. It certainly, certainly is]

[To be continued???]

Note: You guys are gonna make me write a whole fake relationship, aren't you :(