Part 1 Part 2 Finale

Context: He's always been a delinquent, but, more importantly, he was your delinquent. He gets in trouble, but you're always there to bail him out... even when you've got a mountain of your own problems to handle. You just needed him to be there for you that night but... he wasn't, and you attempted to overdose shortly after. You don't even know if you're still alive, now, or just floating in nothingness with only a familiar voice to keep you anchored.

Setting: The hospital

Tags: [M4A][Established Relationship][Delinquent Boyfriend Speaker][Stressed Listener][Hospital][Confession][Comfort][Reverse Comfort][Angst][Being Better][Love][CW: Post-Suicide Attempt Scenario/Subjects]

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[Scene opens in a hospital room]

[SFX: Hospital beeps, boops, and chaos]

[Everything is muffled and muted. Your stomach aches, your head hurts, and someone is sobbing nearby]

“-idiot. I’m a fucking idiot! How could I have not known?!”

[It’s your boyfriend. He’s sitting next to your bed, sobbing, tears pouring down his face]

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I’d known… I-If I’d known you… you were thinking of… I t-thought we were OK, baby…”

[You try to reach out to him but can’t move]

[SFX: A paper being rustled]

“...how long ago did you write this note…? Weeks? Months? I r-read it… Over and over, until it hurt worse than anything until I could hopefully understand…”

[SFX: More paper rustling as he tucks the note back into his leather jacket]

“... “He’ll ruin you”. That’s what your Mom said last time we went over for dinner. I know you didn’t know that I had heard it, and you stuck up for me something fierce, but…”

[His voice becomes small]

“... Baby, please, I d-don’t… D-Don’t let me ruin you, O-OK? I know I’m trash, and I’ve been trying to be less trash, but it’s so fucking hard and I know you believe in me and that makes it all the worse when I let you down and I just-!”

[SFX: Some thuds. Best the Listener can tell, the Speaker is punching himself in the leg]

“... I just keep reverting to the man I thought you fell in love with… The guy in the leather jacket that wormed his way on into your friend group at that party, then put enough sugar in your ear that you actually went to that burger place with me, the same night. A-And we just talked… Remember? You just… you glowed when you were talking about your interests, and any part of me that was trying to get a cheeky hook-up just… I don’t know. I was used to being the playboy, the bad boy, whatever boy people wanted, whatever, but… you just wanted to know me.”

[Pause]

[He sniffles, voice cracking]

“I’m sorry I got into that fight… The guys just… they know that if they talk about you, it gets me going to the point that I can barely see straight, and I just… I don’t know! Reporting your boys for workplace harassment just ain’t something men are meant to do, you know? And it’s childish, yeah, but it’s a Hell of a lot faster… but it hurts you. It…embarrasses you when you have to come and get me out of the slammer, and… you said in the letter people had been talking at work…”

[He sighs, hand resting on yours]

“...I’m sorry. If you need me out of your life, I will go. But not before you wake up, not before I am sure that you’ll be OK, alright? You know me, baby, I’m one of the most stubborn men alive!”

[Pause]

[He jumps a little as you finally manage to speak]

“Baby! Oh my God, you’re awake! Oh shit, hang on, ahh-!”

[He jumps to his feet, dashes across the room, and dashes back with an absurd amount of bouquets]

“H-Here! I bought every damned bouquet I c-could get from the gift shop, baby.”

[Pause?]

“Lugging them a-around gave me s-something to do while… while we w-were waiting… Your Mom is here. She’s out grabbing some things but… I’m sure she’ll be back soon, OK? I know you probably want someone that’s not… me…”

[Pause]

“W-What? Of course, I’ll hug you! C’mere, mmh… God, you feel so frail… s-shit, I’m… I’m trying to keep it together, sorry, you don’t need…”

[Pause]

“I’m listening, baby. Get it all out, OK?”

[Long Pause - Recommend improving the Speaker acknowledging the Listener’s comments from time to time]

“O-OK… OK, it’s OK… I’m just gonna repeat it back, OK? Mmhm, just like how Dr. Jeanette said. So… you aren’t angry at me, per se, but you’ve been feeling unappreciated and used in general for a long time… Y-You feel like people only want you around when you can be useful to them… and like a burden when you think you can’t…Oh, baby, God in Heaven, c’mere…”

[His embrace tightens a bit and he kisses the crown of your head]

“Shh… It’s OK. You feel however you feel, baby, I’m not judging you, and I won’t leave you if I think you can’t help me. It’s impossible, you know? You help me just by being you, h-heh…”

[Pause]

“Yeah, so I ain’t so good at the sappy thing, I know… I just, fuck, I have emotions but I don’t know the right words to tell you so you know that I’m here… Warm, desperate, excited, happy, scared, calm… OK, look, this never leaves this room, but… you know my baby blanket? Yes, the one you helped patch up… the warmth and safety I feel from looking at it is the same I get with you. I know I’m safe with you… I just… I didn’t realize I wasn’t safe for you.”

[Pause]

“Look… it might not be my “fault”, but I haven’t been helping… Baby, I need to know what you need from me, O-OK? You’re not a burden, and you don’t need to be ‘useful’ for me to love you. I’m crazy about you, y-you know? Just thinking about one of your little sassy comments makes me both smile and mad as Hell, hehe.”

[Pause]

“Hey, hey, shh… no… no, it’s OK, you don’t need to feel ashamed, baby. I know… You just wanted the pain to stop, I know… Is… this OK? Me rubbing your back…?”

[Pause]

“Good…”

[His voice cracks and he slips back into quiet sobs]

“...No one is mad… O-OK? We’re worried. We want to help, but no one is mad… Your boss knows you’re in the hospital but not why, so you’re on sick leave until further notice.”

[Pause…]

“Hey. Look at me, OK? I’ve already asked my boss for more hours and freelance gigs. We are going to be just fine for money while you recover, OK?”

[...]

“...It’s OK, baby. You cry as much as you need. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me otherwise, alright?”

[He continues to hold you as you cry, gently rubbing your back]

“I’m here… I’m not going anywhere, OK? Rest now, sweetheart. We’ll figure this shit out, O-OK?”

[Pause]

[He lets out a shaky laugh-sob]

“I-I love you too, baby.”

[To be continued?]