Context: Hey, I got that new script for you, I just have some questions about the next batch, if you have a second?

Setting: PRAISE BE THE ALGORITHM

Tags: [A4A][Scriptwriter Speaker][VA Listener][Comedy][4th Wall Break][Tropes][Poking Fun]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording please DM me first. Thank you :3

***

[Scene opens somewhere in the deep subspace of the internet]

“Hey, boss! The new script is done.”

[Pause]

“Yeah: ‘Dominant Yandere Mafia Bully Punches You in the Face Then Apologizes Pt. 34’. Does, um, does your audience know that the ‘Part 2’ they keep asking for is in the double digits now?”

[Pause]

“No, I know they always ask for a Part 2. That’s good, right? It means they’re invested in the story and your performance!”

[Pause]

“Oh, the views are lower. Right.”

[Pause]

“And they threaten both of us any time this boy receives a booboo, yes. I, uh, I’m not sure how much longer I can stretch out this ‘my father never loved me’ character arc. And there’s no way I can get away with the Listener screeching: “I AM YOUR CHARACTER ARC” again… Hm? A divorce? Uhh… they aren’t married yet but sure.”

[Pause]

“...so people want their yanderes to actively, physically torture them? And cheat on them? Do yanderes work that way?”

[Pause]

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. You’re the algorithm lord, here. OK, um, well I can’t exactly write cheating scenarios… Are you sure? I really feel like we’re sending an awkward message here, even in terms of wish fulfillment?”

[Pause]

“No, no, I, uh, I’m good without the handcuffs on my desk, haha. OK, well, with a disclaimer on, I guess it’s not so bad.”

[Pause?]

“Ah, right, the good ol’ ‘I’ve seen this script from X’. I honestly have no idea what to do with that one, boss. I can write you exclusive scripts, but…”

[Pause]

“OK, you wanna do the popular ones and the ones you like. No big deal! Next topic! So, let’s see… ‘exotic creatures’ are kind of back in. People are really hyped for snakey bois, which makes sense, they are fun. And they’ve got two-”.

[SFX: Angry, Eldritch rumbling]

[Pause]

“Oh shi-, I mean, ‘oh golly gee willikers! Sorry about that, praise be the algorithm!”

[SFX: Less angry, Eldritch rumbling]

“Is… Are its infernal eyes still upon us…?”

[Pause]

“Oh, it went to senselessly ban an AMV channel, good. We have some time before its terrible, twisted gaze falls upon us once more. Ahem! So, Nagas are in, Driders are in, vamps are still popular… Have we ever done one where the vampire was deathly afraid of humans?”

[Pause]

“OK, it’s on the list, now. So, let’s brainstorm: what kind of stuff were you wanting to see?”

[Pause]

“Riiighhtt, sure, more yanderes, never a short supply of those. Uh? No, I don’t wanna do a scenario where you wake up and he goes “Oh, you’re finally awake”. Not unless this is a Skyrim RP and I get to be silly! W-What? I… OK, it’s on the list, too.”

[Pause]

“Yeaaahhh, I’ve read through the comments on the last vid. Your audience seems to appreciate cold drinks.”

[Pause?]

“Cause they’re so THIRSTY, AYO! High five! No? OK. Sorry, your fans are lovely people. But they are giga thirsty.”

[Pause]

“Oh, you want to do a collab? OK, sure, no problem. How many speakers?”

[Pause]

“S-Seven?”

[Pause?]

“H-Hahahaha, why would that be a problem? No big deal! Seven people that need unique personalities, character arcs, different means of interacting with the Listener, which means love triangles, and how many of them need to be yandere, all of them???”

[Pause]

“Gasp! How dare you insist I phone it in! Your viewers deserve decent storytelling!”

[Pause]

“Look, I know they’re just there for the hot anime boy or girl, just let me pretend, alright??? Sheesh.”

[Pause]

“Uh? Can we get away with…[whispering] ‘Daddy’ and ‘Mommy’?”

[SFX: Eldritch rumbling]

“You can’t prove that’s a naughty thing! OK, OK, we’ll put a pin in that for now, no big deal. What’s it gonna do, I don’t have a channel…”

[Pause]

“Oh… Oh yeah, I do have one. Welp, we’ll ignore that, for now. Yes, we’re ignoring my channel being burned to the ground in a manner suspiciously similar to a Viking burial. ANYWHO, so we’ve got two ideas going, and a massive collab. Anything else I need to be aware of?”

[Pause]

“Oh. Your last collaborator didn’t like this last batch of scripts as much?”

[Pause]

“What? I’m not crying. I’m not! I can handle criticism, I’m tough! S-So tough. Well, did he have any particular feedback?”

[Pause]

“Just that they weren’t as good as the last ones.”

[SFX: The Speaker inhaling and exhaling]

“OK! SURE! Sure, no big deal. I mean I kind of hate them now, but you know. Hm? I didn’t say anything… Look, I’m just a word bitch, I don’t want any beef with a faceless VA that doesn’t like my stuff… Wait, isn’t this the guy that stole one of my scripts a few months back?”

[Pause]

“Mmhm, ‘different guy’. Sure. WELP, forgive and forget, amirite? HAHA. Ahem. I’ll look through the script list and we can go from there, OK?”

[SFX: Papers fluttering again]

[Pause]

“...Hey, does this seem a bit odd to you?”

[Pause?]

“Well, it’s just that it sounded like you were rehearsing a read throughout this whole conversation. I don’t mind you getting practice in, it was just really convincing.”

[Pause]

“Oh, yeah. I can get the next part out, and I’ll avoid any…”

[SFX: Papers being flipped through]

“Uhhh… pretty much any insinuation that these are two humans in love, got it. Wait. Wait! You just did it again! Have you been method acting this whole time???”

[...]

“...Why do you look so guilty?”

[...]

“...oh my god, we’re in a script right now, aren’t w-?!”

[END END END END END FOR THE LOVE OF GOD-!]