Context: You were bored, simple as that. Bored enough that you noticed a brochure offering classes on picking up women offered by a mysterious J. Bravo. You decided "Screw it, why not" and have gone to meet this mysterious master of seduction and flirting.

Setting: A nightclub external/internal

Tags: [M4A][Strangers to Lovers][Himbo Playboy Speaker][Curiously Suave Listener][Comedy][Johnny Bravo Inspired][Flirting][Pinning][Bit Spicy][Confident Listener][Extremely Himbo][Reverse UNO Card][CW: Spicy Implications]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording please DM me first. Thank you :3

***

[Scene opens outside of a night club, fairly early on in the evening]

[SFX: Distant, muffled music]

[You approach the club, looking around for a moment before you spot a very muscular man in a black t-shirt and blue jeans]

“Hey, ‘sup pretty thing. You here for my class?”

[You glance at the brochure, still bemused, but shrug]

“Awesome! Name’s John, but most folks call me Johnny. Alright, my nerdy friend, let me take a look at you…”

[He surveys you. You have no idea what he’s thinking as he is literally wearing sunglasses at night. So he can…? You don’t know]

“Hmm, not bad, bro. Not bad. Here, gel your hair up a little bit, like this… Yeah! Good look for you. Alright, so the name of the game is simple: get a girl to agree to a date. Step one? Confidence! Girls love confidence. OK, see her? Yeah, in the cheetah print dress. Watch this.”

[“Johnny” puffs his chest up, puts on his best smile and confidently walks up to the woman]

“Heeey, pretty Mama. How’s about you ditch this club scene and come make a scene in my bed instead?”

[SFX: A rather large man getting socked in the chest]

“Eugh! H-Ha, haha, no worries, baby! I like when they play hard to get!”

[The woman socks him again and then storms off. Jonny returns to shortly, smiling in blissful ignorance]

“Yeah, she wants me. She was just, uh, overwhelmed by her emotions. Y-Yeah.”

[Pause?]

“Huh? Why would I tell her she looks nice? She knew that already, I mean, look at her!”

[Pause]

“You… liked it when I said you looked good? U-Uh, that’s, um… I-I’ll take it under advisement! OK, now you give it a shot. Go talk to that girl there.”

[You shrug and approach her, chatting amicably for a few minutes before returning to “Johnny”]

“So…how’d it go?”

[You show him the piece of paper with her number on it briefly and he stares at you, dumbfounded]

“Whoa, your first landing! Good job, little buddy. So… I know I’m a master of seduction and all, obviously, but uh… what’d you do different?”

[You detail your secret techniques and he pulls a comically small notepad and pencil from his back pocket, nodding and jotting things down]

“Treat…women…like…people, got it! So… Should l ask them if they want to go to the gym with me, or…? Flex for them harder?”

[Pause]

“Right, right, they might think I’m calling them fat, right. Women don’t like that. They… really don’t like that, hehe. I think I still have a scar from calling one lady “jolly”... b-but she was really happy, the size of her butt had nothing to do with it! All butts are valid!”

[Pause?]

“W-What? Even boy butts? I-I mean, uh… I-I guess, I don’t really… look at them that often, a-ahem. I mean at all! A-Anyway! C’mon, it’s on to lesson two. Let’s get in that club and get some dancing in. Hope you have some moves, small fry!”

[You follow him into the club, still somewhat bemused]

[SFX: Louder club music and general chatter]

“OK! Go ahead and let’s get out there!”

[...Pause…]

“Huh? Self-conscious? Hey, c’mon, you’re gonna do great, buddy. Here, take my hand, OK, we can just be nerds and slow dance if you want.”

[Pause]

[You take his hand and he leads you out on the dance floor, holding your head to his chest and gently swaying]

“How’s that? Just holding you to my chest? You feel a little better, bro?”

[You give a thumb’s up. There’s too much pec in your mouth to talk]

“Good! Good. Um, you uh… You look really nice in this lighting. Well, any lighting so far, haha. OK! Focus! So, that lady over there in the red dress. Mmhm, she’s a regular, which means she’s on the prowl for someone younger and willing to obey her for the night. Freaking jaguars, man.”

[Pause?]

“Cougars? Nah, bro, that’s a totally different cat. I think. OK, I’m gonna go up and talk to her. You just watch the master at work, OK?”

[You watch as he saunters on over, speaks with the woman for maybe two minutes, then receives a fresh mojito to the face for his trouble]

“OK, so that’s what I’d like to consider a soft “maybe”.”

[Pause?]

“What? Nooo, c’mon, I did not get rejected. She’s just playing hard to get. Needs a little time to warm up to all this beefcake. Look at this!”

[He flexes for you with a grin]

“Hehe, man I’m pretty. Soooo much beefcake! It’s why I gotta share, bro. Carrying around all this cake alone just isn’t good for my mental health. Or my back, hehe. I know what the little Mamas out there like.”

[Pause]

[His smile fades and he folds his arms, frowning]

“Oh, you think you can do better, huh? OK, small fry, why don’t you go ahead and seduce someone in this club right now.”

[Pause?]

“Yep, anyone.”

[You shrug and pin him against the wall, despite his size. His face turns beet red as you look up at him]

[Pause]

“U-Uh, uh, uh, u-u-uhhhh, w-wait, dude, you c-can’t just… Y-You can’t just pin me like this, it’s weird, aaah, it’s like being pinned by a mouse!”

[Pause]

[He gulps as you tell him how it is]

“O-Oh… Y-You’re um… you’re good at this, h-haha…”

[Pause]

“G-Go home with you? A-Ahh… O-OK.”

[Pause]

“Y-Yeah, I’ll totally buy you breakfast in the morning.”

[Pause]

[You step back so he can breathe, a little satisfied at seeing him out of breath from being flustered]

“You’re, a-ahem… Y-Yeah, I think we can say you graduated my little class…Top g-grade. Um, phew, damn.”

[Pause?]

“I, uh… don’t suppose… you teach any classes?”

[Pause]

[Once more, he turns beet red]

“P-Privately in your bedroom, oh dear… Oh my. Eheh, I’m in danger…”

[You take his hand and lead him off. It wasn’t exactly how you saw your night going, but you can’t sit there and say you aren’t a little pleased with yourself]

[The End]

Note: This script rises from the ashes, staring every other dumb script I've done as it hisses one word: "Amateurs!".