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Part One, Part Two, Part Three

All use is encouraged. You can edit. You can paywall. You can monetize. You can give this script magic powers and tell it to protect other scripts. Go nuts! Credit SplashiestPig.

[sound] = Artificial sound effects

(sound) = Manual sound effects

{adjective} = Special line delivery. Applies to the next italicized section.

*sentence* = Silent context. Usually, a scripted pause

Sanctified Spectacle

[background chatter]

Okay. This is it. Your prophesized return. Everyone out there has been waiting for this for years. Whatever we say is going to be told and retold for the rest of human history. And I’m… well I’m a little nervous.

*listener questions*

Well yes, it’s not like I get stage fright or anything, but this is kind of a league of its own. I’ve got to say something meaningful and inspiring! Something you can stamp on posters for a few millennia. I can’t just walk out there and improvise!

*listener asks*

I think you know exactly what I’m asking for, but if you need me to say it out loud, I gladly will. I need your help. On a minor note, it’d be pretty cool if you could like, hook me up with some divine inspiration or something. But really, I need you to care about this as much as I do.

*listener assures*

Hey. I really mean it. This is important to me, and to all of them. I know I can’t really threaten you, or bribe you, or do much of anything to make you play nice but… please… don’t hang me out to dry here.

*listener agrees*

Thank you.

(rapid breaths)

That’s our cue. Everyone’s in their seats. Camera’s rolling. It’s time to dazzle.

*listener comments*

Yep, think to you, speak to them. Got it. Here I go.

[slow footsteps]

[crowd noise dies down]

(clear throat)

Hello loyal followers! Today is a good day! A day to rejoice! A day in which our ever watchful God will return!

[cheering]

*listener interjects*

{thinking}

I know you didn’t just tell me to stall them.

*listener repeats*

If this doesn’t turn out to be important, I will jump off a cliff.

[cheering stops]

But before our Savior appears to us, I would ask that we take a moment to recite our prayers. We must remember that even as they walk among us, we are still their servants, and they, our guardian.

*small pause*

Please, bow your heads and recite the ten strictures of the heart.

{thinking}

There. That’ll give me a second to talk. Now, you better say the best excuse I’ve ever heard, or I am going to have some very unholy thoughts!

*listener states*

Who? Third row, eight from the left… oh… they don’t look so good.

*listener confirms*

Wait. They’re a chosen disciple. I thought I was the only one of those? Also, side note, do I look that dead and just never noticed?

*listener explains*

I’m your disciple, but the other Gods can have their own? Wait, so… is that one of your siblings?

*listener confirms*

And… them being here is a bad thing?

*listener states*

You two aren’t on speaking terms? Isn’t this good then? Maybe they’ve come to apologize!

*listener denies*

I’m sorry. Kill everyone here? Why?!

*listener responds*

Really? What’s that’s not very nice.

*listener comments*

Yes, I see how, “not very nice” doesn’t really fit for mass murder, I’m just a little bit panicked! Plus, everyone is about to finish reciting the strictures, so we’re running out of time! I’m out of my element here, so I think you need to take over. Do some magic or miracles or something!

*listener states*

Stall a little longer? Okay? I’ll try.

*small pause*

Amen. Very good. When I look out at this crowd, when I see the others who could not attend in person… when I… know the ones who we will… convert, I think to myself… this is good.

*small pause*

Now… um… I… I have been asked to speak at this meeting. You may find that odd, as I am simply an Opulent Sage. But the reason… I have been called to speak… at this meeting… is because… I have met with our God!

*small pause*

Yes! They came into one of our diners and I served them. Since then…

{thinking}

Please tell me that I can tell them this. I don’t have much else to stall with.

(clear throat)

…they have been with me!

[crowd gasps]

Yes! The Great One has traveled by my side for a while now! I have had many conversations with them on the nature of life and happiness! And now, at their moment of return, when I gazed out on this crowd, they saw something terrible!

*small pause*

They saw it in our churches! They saw it in our homes! And they can tolerate it no longer!

*small pause*

It is our doors! Our doors are an insult to them! And in this very room, we have gathered in, a door rests in their vision! Tear it down! Tear it down and allow our God to enter!

[crowd clambering]

{thinking}

There! That’ll give you a little longer, and if you appear afterward, it’ll be all symbolic and stuff. Now please tell me I’m done stalling!

*listener comments*

Close enough? What does that mean?

*listener explains*

Woah Woah Woah. You’ve been bestowing powers on me? Like… magic powers? Like I can fly or see through walls or-

*listener interjects*
Right, focus. What do you need me to do?

*listener states*

Got it. Say something cool, you appear, then when your sibling starts fighting, you’ll handle them, and I just need to keep everyone safe. Sounds easy enough.

*listener comments*
Yeah, I can handle it. I mean, I’ve never had magic powers before, and I have literally no clue what I can or can’t do, but I’ll figure it out.

*listener asks*

Yep, I guess that means I’m ready. I kind of have to be, that door looks pretty totaled.

(clear throat)

Well done! By destroying the door to this building, you have opened the door to your hearts! Now, behold! Our God returns!

[magic sfx]

{quiet}

Wow, you went tall.

[evil magic sfx]

Followers! Back away! That thing is a usurper! A false god! Our savior will subdue them, simply stand aside!

[items crash]

Please stay calm! You are safe!

[loud thud]

Come close to the stage! Our shepherd has given me the power to shield you!

{thinking}

I really hope that’s true.

[building crunches]

Brace!

[magic sfx]

[debris clatters]

{thinking}

I can’t believe that worked!

(clear throat)

See? Our God is merciful! We have chosen well to follow them, for even in times of stress-

[flames scorch]

-they still watch over us!

*small pause*

Pray to them! Loan them your strength, as insignificant as it may be, that you may claim you helped our God as they helped you!

[rubble crashes]

{thinking}

I hope that helps.

[magic sfx]

[building collapses]

*pause*

As the dust clears, rejoice! Although we cannot yet see the victor, you know in your heart of hearts who has triumphed!

{thinking}

Please be the good god, please be the good god!

[magic sfx]

Yes! Celebrate! Our shepherd has beaten back their sibling, and protected us! They have proven all the reasons we follow them!

[crowd cheers]

You have seen it! The cameras have recorded! Our savior is good and merciful! Fall down, and worship them!

{thinking}

Hey, full disclosure. I have no idea where to go from here. This is on you now.

*small pause*

And now, our God speaks! Listen unto their words!

*pause for listener speech*

[crowd cheers]

{thinking}

I’ve got to hand it to you, that was great! I still have no clue how we leave though.

*listener speaks*

Ah! Our Savior has given us a command! It is time to do what we were always waiting for! Spread the word! Tell the others! Go from here in peace, and speak of what you saw!

[crowd chatters]

{thinking}

Is that really going to work? I don’t think anyone in their right mind is just going to leave your side.

[chatter dies down]

*listener comments*

Oh yeah, hyperfocus. You know, I always forget that you’re basically omnipotent.

[chatter stops]

So, is that it? Everyone’s gone and they took the cameras with them. Do we follow along or..?

*listener states*

Something to do first? What is it?

*listener moves*

Woah, you’re smaller. Oh hey! You’re at eye level! Are you about to say something important?

*listener speaks*

You’re… you’re proud of me? I… I don’t…

(clear throat)

Did it suddenly get hot in here?

*listener comments*

Well, I just… you’re God and… and you’re proud of me? Me? I… it means a lot and-

*listener hugs*

Wow. A hug from a god. You uh… you smell really nice.

*listener comments*

Thank you… for... everything.

{Fade Out Can Officially Begin Here}

\listener releases**

So are you going to be riding around in my head again, or are you going to go back to being tall?

\listener comments**

Which do I like more? Now that’s a loaded question! You’ve been in my head, you know how I feel about tall, powerful people! But when you’re with me we can do that thinking communication thing so it’s a hard pick.

\listener offers**

Wait, you can do the thought thing all the time?

\listener confirms**

Then tall you. Definitely tall you.

\listener chuckles**

Hey! Don’t laugh! I am a mortal creature, bound by my desires! If I like looking up at you, that’s not my fault!

\listener teases**

Oh, shut up! I’ve been a very pious host for your entire stay! Do you know how many times I didn’t lie or cheat or park in two spots because I knew that literal God was watching me? It’s been exhausting! I think I’ve earned one slightly suggestive comment!

\listener responds**

Yeah yeah. Whatever. Let’s just catch up with the others. I heard some people talking about heading to town hall, and if they want any sort of government approval, they’ll definitely need you there to perform a few miracles.

\listener teases**

Yes, and to destroy a few more doors. I hope you’re proud of that one because it’s probably going to stick.

\listener comments**

Well, I had to improvise! You’ve only openly expressed distaste for like four things since we met, so I didn’t exactly have a lot to work with!

\listener speaks**

By the way, you never answered me about the other disciple thing. I mean, they looked awful. Like, really not alive. I don’t look like that, right?

\listener answers**

Good.

\listener teases**

Obviously, I don’t want to look like that! They looked like a zombie!

\listener comments**

Hardy-har-har. This one’s got a real sense of humor on them.

\listener states**

Yes, I do like that about you. But don’t go getting a big head about it.

\listener teases**

You’re insufferable, you know that?

\listener asks**

Yep! The most insufferable, terrible, kind, and giving God I know.