THis script is kind of the wholesome counterpart to this one

https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/vkv5mz/all_under_heaven_comforting_an_evil_queen/

​ Sequel here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/xjqa1h/f4a_evil_queen_kidnaps_a_hero_part/

You are the chancellor to an evil sorceress who recently took over your kingdom. She has called you to her lair at the top of her evil tower to talk to you about some policy choices. You’d be more scared if she wasn't such a dork. Also feel free to make her an evil king if you want or make any other modifications. Ok to monetize!

Script archive:https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/von9nl/could_i_get_some_constructive_criticismfeedback/

Note: Whenever she uses the word evil she puts a lot of emphasis on it. Like Eeeeevil or Evillllll. Like Dr. D from phineas and ferb

Knock

Who dares disturb my evil plotting!?

Ah Chancellor, excellent. I was expecting you. Please enter my lair.

Evil chuckle

The Chancellor enters. The queen is wearing her usual evil overlord outfit. But she has an apron on and is baking a pie.

Now, I want to discuss something with you.

Remember last week when you brought me that tax reform bill? And I said it wasn't evil enough? Yes, well I got your new version earlier today.

Slams a thick stack of paper on the table

You just went through here and added the word “evil” in front of every noun and “evilly” in front of every verb. You realize that's not what I meant by making it eviler right?

She reads an excerpt in a mocking voice

“The evil farmers must evilly pay one evil silver coin to evilly sell their evil produce at the evil market on evil Thursday”

And you went through and just added those words between the lines with that V symbol. I HATE that! I swear to the evil gods I will zap you into a snail if you try something like this again ok!?

Wait no, snails aren't very evil. What's an evil animal? Ha I know I’ll zap you into a crow!

Listener exaggeratedly begs for forgiveness.

Yes Yes! Beg! Beg for your very life Chancellor!

Oh this makes me feel so evil!!

Maniacal Laugh

Now I’m gonna sign this just because I can tell you're trying. Just know I expect better from now on!

Now this other legislation. You're proposing abolishing the caste system and allowing the peasants to elect their own governors. Explain how this is evil?

Ah I see! Brilliant! All those arrogant noblemen finding out that they're no better than simple peasants! And being forced to give up their castles to whatever unwashed yokel the rabble elects to take their place! Maybe there is hope for you after all!

Hmmm and what's this? A petition from the village of Happy hill?

A drought you say? They want me to provide them with some water. They've been asking me this for weeks. I find that they are trying my patience. I should punish them somehow.

Oh you have an Idea? What is it?

Yes they are having a festival soon aren't they. And you say I should cast a spell to make it rain on the festival? Brilliant! Imagine those goody goodies dancing around all happily only to have to go and hide inside from the most rain they've had in years! Ha! That's what they get for asking me to solve their.. Their…. What was it again? Never mind.

Y’know Chancellor I think you're getting the hang of this. You really seem to get me y’know? Not like my Orks. Just between you and me, they don't really have their hearts in the whole evil thing y’know. I mean look out at the courtyard there. You see that old lady? She's a country bumpkin that got separated from her family and needed directions. And instead of y’know eating her, like they're supposed to. They’re watching her until they can find her daughter.

See look at that, they just laughed at one of her old lady jokes!

Opens window

Hey Commander Toldak the Cruel! You are absolutely terrible at this! You Orks are just a bunch of no good softies!

No! I will not let you change your name to Toldak the Reasonable! Next time you see a lost old lady I want you to eat them, you got it?!

No, I don't care how bad they taste!

Slams window shut

Ugh! See? You’d think a big scary looking guy would be better at this! Did you know they write poems? Who ever heard of a warrior poet? What do you mean that's a thing? Whatever.

Ok so you had some questions about the budget. Very well.

Yes I have ordered two fortresses built at opposite ends of the kingdom. What of it?

Oh no they are not defensive. You see there are these two peasants in a village a few days to the west. I saw them in my magic mirror. They are so in love it's sickening. They’re one of those annoying happy couples. Like “Oh sweetie pumpkin lets go make dinner together and watch the sunset.” Bleugh! So I’m building two fortresses to keep them apart from each other forever!

We don't have the budget for that? Fine we can keep them in the same fortress then. And build it up by the border with the sand elves. I don't trust those guys.

Listener asks why 10 percent of the revenue is earmarked for eye shadow

Ok I know you didn't just ask about the eye shadow budget! I have an image to uphold here and if it takes an excessive amount of purple eyeshadow then that's what it's gonna take! Of course if it is truly such a drain on the budget I do know a spell to turn insolent viziers into makeup palates.......

Scared listener changes the subject.

That's what I thought.

Now then what's this about reports of monsters in the valley of misery?

Don't worry about that, I know what caused this. See a few weeks ago I saw a woman in my magic mirror who was- and I know you won't be able to believe this but stay with me here- Maybe ever so slightly a little itsy bit prettier than me. In certain lighting. So I did what any reasonable queen would do. I went down there and used my magic to transform her into a hideous beast!

But she was out with a bunch of friends and I realized some of them were also really pretty and I decided to get them too. Just to be safe y’know? And then I could tell all her other friends felt kinda sad because I didn't seem to think they were pretty. And like I’m evil, not mean y'know? So I zapped them too. So now there's like thirty hideous beasts wandering around there.

You think that was excessive? You dare question me!?!?

I’ll show you! I’ll hit you with the very same spell!

Magic noises

HABEAS CORPUS!!

POOF

Evil laugh.

Listener now has a pair of cat ears. (and that's it)

How do you feel now chancellor? Knowing that you will spend the rest of your life as a hideous disgusting beast!

No you wont change anymore that was the whole spell.

Are you saying that giving somebody cat ears doesn't make them hideous? Damn I wondered why they didn't seem very worked up-

OVEN DINGS

Oh my pie is ready!

Pulls it out

Why am I baking? You see chancellor this is part of my evillest scheme yet! Allow me to demonstrate!

Here is a slice I prepared earlier with a little scoop of vanilla ice cream.

I’m going to go down to the orphanage and serve them this very same dish. Why don't you try some?

It's good isn't it? The berries are just perfectly ripe and the crust is so flakey. So buttery and crumbly. Just flakey enough. Maybe even a little too flakey wouldn't you say my friend? Makes you feel like trying some of that ice cream doesn't it?

Well? Go for it, have a little forkful to tame the dryness in your throat.

Finger snapping

Magic sounds

The ice cream disappears

No Ice cream for you!

Evil laugh

Just imagine doing that to all those poor little orphans. Gosh I’m so evil!

And that's just the beginning! They will soon find that today will be their last day as orphans!

For I have arranged for them to be adopted by loving families!

Just Imagine chancellor. No more wild and carefree days as orphans, free to go to stay up late and go where they please. Now I have condemned them to a life of family pictures and board games and eating vegetables!

And that's not all! I will ruin their childhoods forevermore, for I have decided our kingdom shall adopt COMPULSORY EDUCATION!

Do an evil laugh with me chancellor.

EVIL LAUGH

It winds down

Whelp I better get a move on! Those orphans won't ruin their own day after all. Oh hey how do you feel about changing your title from chancellor to vizier? It just sounds more evil to me.

You like it? Vizier it is then.

Begins to whisper

Just between you and me am I doing a good job at this evil thing? I’m just kinda winging it.

I’m doing good?

Dorky squeeing

I mean. Of course I’m doing good! Question me again and I shall turn you into a clam! Or something!

You are dismissed, my Evil Vizier!