Google Docs ScriptBin

Part One, Part Two

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[sound] = Artificial sound effects

(sound) = Manual sound effects

{adjective} = Special line delivery. Applies to the next italicized section.

*sentence* = Silent context. Usually, a scripted pause

~word~ = Special emphasis

Sanctified Speaking

Yeah, but what you aren’t thinking about is the saxophone ~looks~ like it’s made of solid gold! Why would you a caveman pick a fruit instead of some weird god-given golden tool?

*listener questions*

Yes, I understand you literally knew ancient people, but I’m pretty sure I’m right on this one. They’d pick a saxophone over a raspberry!

*listener comments*

No, future people are a whole other can of worms. I think-.

*small pause*

Oh, we’re here!

[engine turns over]

So, could we go over our entry plan one more time?

*listener comments*

No plan, just enter. Yep, that’s what you said last time.

*listener questions*

I do trust you! If you say jump, I say how high. I’m just a little worried for everyone else’s sake, honestly. What if someone tries to stop me and you get so annoyed you turn them into a slug?

*listener denies*

I think that’s pretty much in your wheelhouse! When that guy cut us off on the freeway, you deleted him from existence! I bet you’re capable of a little transmutation if you were peeved.

*listener speaks*

Well, when I walk in, we’ll have to prove what I’m saying. I imagine you’ll probably have to do a couple of miracles just to get me an audience with the Grand Bishop. But… can they please be non-lethal miracles?

*listener alludes*

Thank you.

[car door opens and closes]

Any notes on the church design? Is it exactly like you wanted?

*listener lists*

Okay, wait. That’s a lot of stuff and it doesn’t seem like you were running out of steam. We’ll just have to write those things down because there’s no way I’m going to remember all of that.

*small pause*

Alright. I’m about to open the doors. Are you sure you don’t want to make any last-minute changes to my appearance or something?

*listener assures*

So be it.

[doors open]

Welcome to your church! All the buildings look the same so, this is pretty much all of them.

*listener comments*

Right, don’t talk out loud. Smart.

{thinking}

So, the Bishop’s office is in the back. But it should be locked. Should I ask for help or do you just want to smash the door?

*listener responds*

You’re the boss!

*small pause*

Hi there, Ms. I was hoping to get a little meeting with the Grand Bishop.

*stranger questions*

Well, I wanted to see them because…

{thinking}

Can I just tell her why?

*listener denies*

No?! Wait but then, how am I going to..?

*stranger checks*

Sorry, I trailed off there. I wanted to see them because I… have a package… from the… High Priestess Of The West?

*stranger asks*

It’s um… right behind my back?

{thinking}

Please, bail me out here.

*small pause*

Yep! It’s… right… here!

*speaker shows*

See? A package that I’ve had this whole time and definitely existed ten seconds ago. It even has the West seal so… I was telling the truth, wasn’t I?

{thinking}

Nice save!

(clear throat)

So anyway, I’ve got to deliver this. Bishop eyes only and all that good stuff. You know how it is.

*stranger agrees*

Thanks!

{thinking}

Hey, uh… small question. Why couldn’t I just tell her you’ve returned?

*listener replies*

It wasn’t funny! I panicked! You know I’m not the best with improv!

[door opens]

Five minutes? We- I’ll! be waiting, Miss.

[door closes]

Phew. Well, there’s step one. Now we just convince the Grand Bishop to petition a High Priest to call for a gathering and we’re home free.

*small pause*

Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask. Can you read all my thoughts, or just the ones talking to you?

*listener explains*

You could, but you choose not to? Um… thank you? Privacy is important to me, even between me and my God so… I’m glad you don’t just listen in on everything.

*small pause*

Hey, when we met you had a body but now you’ve just been sitting around in me. What’s up with that?

*listener states*

You said my head was soft, but I didn’t think that was a selling point. Is that really why you’re hitching a ride?

*listener explains*

My head feels soft because I’m a good host. So, did you feel uncomfortable in your body earlier?

*listener denies*

More complicated than that? How so?

*listener states*

You couldn’t explain it to a mortal? But… aren’t you omnipotent? Couldn’t you just… make me understand?

*listener responds*

More complicated than that too? Again, can’t you just… make it less complicated?

*listener speaks*

To put it simply, no? So, you can’t do anything?

*listener comments*

You can do anything? Just not this?

*listener clarifies*

Oh, you don’t want to do this? But why? Is it hard?

*listener states*

You’re right. I am confused. But can’t you just… un-confuse me?

*listener repeats*

Don’t want to? Okay, I’m not asking for like… faith reasons. I still believe in you, one hundred percent. I just wanted to wrap my mind around all of this.

[door opens]

Oh! Grand Bishop! Thanks for a moment of your time!

*bishop speaks*

[door closes]

The package? Oh yeah! Um… about that…

*small pause*

There is no package.

*bishop questions*

I have urgent news that I need to tell everyone. I need you to ask a High Priest to call for a gathering.

*bishop laughs*

Hey! Don’t laugh! I’m serious!

*bishop focuses*

I have some very important information regarding our deity!

*bishop questions*

{thinking}

Can I tell ~him~ about your return?

*listener responds*

I can’t tell anyone over the age of sixty first, or you lose a prophecy? What, like a bet?

*listener comments*

Wait, so prophecies are just God-bets? When we’re alone, I’m going to have lots of questions.

(clear throat)

The information is about… their… followers! Our deity… isn’t happy with our… worship?

*bishop questions*

Yep! They appeared to me in a dream and gave me a list of reforms. So… it’s important that everyone learns them.

*bishop asks*
The list? Um… it’s right behind my back. When I woke up… I found these… topaz tablets with… carvings on them. And… the carvings say everything in plain English?

*bishop questions*

Yep, right here!

{thinking}

Woah, those look cool!

*small pause*

Yep! Those are the tablets! Carved by divine hands. Pretty neat, right?

*bishop comments*

Can I prove it? Um… of course! Why would I bring you something if I couldn’t prove it was divine? You see… um… if you hold that tablet up to the light it’ll… show you your greatest fear.

{thinking}

You can make that happen, right?

*small pause*

Yep! Just hold it up to the light and it’ll scan your soul… or something.

*small pause*

[tablet clatters]

I’ll take your sudden shriek as confirmation. So… that’s pretty open and shut, no? A magic tablet that I say is a message from God. Pretty good reason to call a meeting, right?

*bishop agrees*

So… I was thinking sooner rather than later. Maybe a week from now?

*bishop corrects*

Yeah, I guess tomorrow’s good. I just don’t know if everyone could make it. Or if the High Priests would even go for that or…

*bishop interjects*

True, true. This would be the first complete piece of text we have from them. I just…

*bishop comments*

Of course, I could speak at the gathering. Actually, I was kind of hoping too.

*bishop speaks*

Okay, you seem to have this covered. I’ll give my contact info to the lady working the front desk. Hear from you soon, I guess!

[door opens and closes]

Wow, he sure was excited.

*listener comments*
Wait, you made him hyper-focused on my request? That was a possibility? Why didn’t you just make him call the meeting right off the bat?

*listener states*

It isn’t fun to watch me make up excuses! It’s stressful!

*listener disagrees*

You are a bully. Do you know that? You are downright mean.

*listener agrees*

Yep, you are the most insufferable God I know.

*small pause*

Oh yeah, those reforms? I didn’t get a chance to read them but… they did say something reform-y. Right?

*listener comments*

Those were just comments on the front door?! Wow, we must have really messed things up.

*small pause*

What’s wrong with the door?

*listener states*

What do you mean, “too flat”? It’s a door!

*listener comments*

Okay, but everything we build is only three-dimensional!

*listener speaks*

{thinking}

She’s coming!

(clear throat)

Hi, Miss Front Desk! I’m supposed to give you my contact info for the Grand Bishop.

*stranger speaks*

Yep, I can wait.

{thinking}

We’ll talk about this door thing in the car.

*small pause*

{fading out}

Yep! I’m following you! Wonderful weather we’re having these days, right?

*small pause*

I know right? So sunny! Great for kids.

*small pause*

No, I don’t have any. Got to give my full attention to the cause!