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Archive of Ma scriptos: https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/von9nl/could_i_get_some_constructive_criticismfeedback/

Dialogue

Sound effects

Context

Context that changes the dialogue

Outside of an abandoned Kmart the listener is sitting in the shade staring at their phone. They've been doing this after work for a few weeks because the old Kmart is one of the few places in town that doesn't make them think of their ex. For a few days they’ve seen some weird hippy chick floating around, but today she comes up to them and talks. Also I refuse to apologize for the rhyming and I have never seen into the badlands but I'm pretty sure its how I described it in the script so maybe spoilers? As always I'd dig that ice cold feedback Abel Stack!

Have you ever seen Xavier Renegade Angel? This is pretty much that

Hey man what you doing sitting there?

Looking at your phone man? The phone is the devil's dreambox. Wasting your life away on a trip that doesn't take you anywhere but Gonesville Pennsylvania with nothing but two bucks and a persian rug.

I got a bit of experience with souls and I can tell you yours is hurting. I could feel it all the way on the other side of the parking lot. Now I hang around here a lot and I always see you standing round like a scarecrow for soccer moms out in front of this old Kmart. Just watching your phone and burning the day up.

That ain't no way to live a life long knife! Listen man how about we take a little journey into that big tangled up soul of yours. I can help with that. Hell for the restless and broken hearted well its Pro Bono like Yoko Ono. Whaddaya say Fay Wray?

Listener tells them to leave them alone

Hey man, don't be such a downer.

Listener asks them what they want

What’s my deal?

I just hit the bricks looking for kicks and I seen you and said to myself “Mannn that cat is totally gone” So I thought since you and I are part of the same soul society I’d pop over and help you find your mojo.

Whats the deal anyway? Why you hanging out here like Go Kart Mozart? Is there nowhere else you'd rather spend the six hours between work and sleep?

You cant go anywhere else without thinking of your ex? Man that's messed up, but I been there. I tell ya I know the feeling from personal experience.

Alright open your ears Brittany Spears. I can help you iron out this bad juju like Ajax takes on grease. Now come over here Warren Mear.

C’mon man what else are you gonna do today? Wouldn't it be worth it to finally get over whatever's got you all broadcasting the blues on AM?

You down clown?

Listener reluctantly acquiesces

That's sick rick!

Alright man, take a slide over to my side. That's right. Now we sit cross leg style.

Alright now hold my hand.

That's the spice.

Alright mac I gotta align your soul juice to the universal frequency.

How do I do that?

SLAP

Listener gets mad

Hey easy on the Malice Alice! That slap was part of the process. Now hum with me Mcree.

Humming sounds.

Alright you feeling dizzy Lizzie? That's part of the process. Just lean into it, cool cat. I’m coming in with ya.

Falling sounds

They are now in a ruined industrial city deep within a desert (Think more cacti desert and less sand dune desert.) The wind blows sand around them.

Man you must be T.S Elliot because your inner soul is a wasteland.

Hey hey chillout big shout. This place is pretty slick. Did this to a Bluegrass singer from Memphis and his mind was some kinda jungle made outta powerlines, and I’ll tell you what that place was a real pain.

This place is a beautiful desolation nation. It's like somebody took Detroit and built it in New Mexico.

Now listen up buttercup, you're gonna see some crazy stuff. But ain't nothin and nobody can hurt ya here, this is your soul man. The stuff that hurts you here is hurting already ya on the inside. So let's hit the street and see what we find.

Alright you see that big building right in the center of town? I say we check out those digs Billy Riggs.

A giant spider creature with a woman's face jumps down in front of them and makes a hissing noise

Woah hey what's with the spider lady Mcgrady? You recognize the face?

Man, that's the girl that bummed you out? How’d you get the mojo to get a spider chick? Ohhhh it's just her face. Yeah no that makes more sense.

Alright man like I said nothing can hurt ya, so you just say what you need to say Mckay.

Listener lets their feelings out on this spider lady

Man that was from the heart Bart! You got a way with words. Now let's skip Jenny-long-legs here and keep moving on.

Ghostly wind sounds. They are now surrounded by spectral ghosts on the road to the factory.

Man either I’ve gone crazy or this pad has finally flipped. Where’d these spectral Stacys come from?

Ghostly wailing

I see so this is everyone that ever ghosted you? Friends, lovers, Family Members. Man, that ain’t a good vibe. Ghosting ain't the way to do it. You can't let them haunt ya man. If they couldn't look you in the eye and tell ya they didn't want no dialogue they aint worth a tic of your tock. The spectral species fears only flame. So get fired up!

Listener tells off the ghosts

Eyyyy you got em good Pud. You tell em! Get lost Jack Frost! Ghosts got no place here! This soul is still alive.

Ok, let's scope out this radical real estate.

Inside the building is a massive fiery factory

Call me a Gin Mill Cowboy because this place is gone like James Wong. I aint seen this much metal and fire since I went to a steel mill for a screening of Terminator Judgment Day on free melting monday.

This is the heart of your soul man, in here we’re gonna find our big spiritual lesson.

They walk through the factory

Listener gets a big portal in their chest and freaks out

Woah hey you wiggin out on me? Hey man settle down I gotchu.

What's this black hole in your chest? Hang on, hang on I’m just gonna slip in and see what I got.

They pull out a mysterious object

Rumbling

Wait no the worlds ending! The whole place is crumbling in on us Gus! Hold on man I got ya, let me hold ya. I'll keep hold you tight as the world says goodnight.

Breathing while stuff falls down around them

They wake up in the parking lot still snuggling

Whew what an adventure.

They still have the mysterious object

Woah man what is this? This must be what I pulled out of your soul man.

A blue ray disc for Into the Badlands season three? What the heck?

Wait no I think I get it yeah. See Into the Badlands is a martial arts post apocalyptic cowboy romantic comedy. So like its saying that you shouldn't feel like you gotta stick to one thing. You should follow your bliss man, and forget what they all say!

But also in this season the setting is attacked by a mad prophet from beyond and the status quo changes! So this is obviously fate telling you that you need some whacked out outsider to like shake up your life!

So clearly you should let me take you on a date! That's the real message of this spiritual adventure You dig Eddie Riggs?

Listener agrees

Far out! Now then I got one more trick rick.

They kiss the listener on the cheek

Begin Fade out

So like I know this really neat drum festival downtown we could go to. And then maybe we could get a veggie burger with some broccoli tots and kombucha……

-30-