All use is encouraged. You can edit. You can paywall. You can monetize. You can release this script onto a mini-planet and let it play Minecraft. Go nuts! Credit SplashiestPig.

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Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

* * = Silent Insert

~ ~ = Emphasis

Good Sport

[small snap]

Wake up, Terran.

*small pause*

Terran. I only have a few moments before we begin. It’s now or never.

*listener stirs*

Good. Welcome to Parvoid Six. You are about to participate in a game.

*listener questions*

Don’t talk. We don’t have time for that. In a moment, I will leave, and you will hear a ringing. The wall behind you will open, and you will be given a short period of grace. Once it is up, my fellow compatriots and I will hunt you. I need you to survive for a few of your, ~seconds~. If you do, I can get you out of here, if you fail, you’ll be eaten alive.

*listener hears*

The Arthian, and the Uilpy are especially sensitive to loud sounds. The Yqutb hates blood. And the Xxuts can’t turn corners quickly. I know you don’t know which alien is which, but I don’t have the time to explain it to you. Use your best judgment, and when you next see me, kneel and interlace your fingers.

*small pause*

That’s all the time I have, Terran. Good luck.

[door closes]

*small pause*

[gong rings]

[human running]

Det te las!

[energy blast]

Pqu Sde!

[crunch]

Pil O… Terran! Jump!

[sword slice]

[energy blast]

Now, surrender!

[running stops]

*small pause*

Good. We did it. Apologies for this next part.

[high pitched ringing]

*pause for time skip*

Hello again, Terran. I’m glad we get another chance to talk. Specifically, a chance with less time pressure.

*small pause*

I will be blunt. I am Xo Hsa. By winning our game without killing you, I have gained ownership of you. Intergalactic law dictates that you may never return within the gravitational well of your home star, and you are not equipped to traverse the universe, therefore, I am taking you somewhere where you will be safe.

*listener speaks*

Don’t worry. Your new home will be well equipped for you. It is heavily terraform-able, and it will have been fully appropriated long before we arrive.

*listener questions*

Yes. As I already said, you cannot return to your old home. Not only would it be incredibly immoral, but you’ve also got a bomb inserted onto your spine. You’d instantly die if you ever returned to your, ~Earth~.

*listener asks*

The bomb is normal. The game you participated in is actually run by the Intergalactic Council. Aggression is not tolerated within Intergalactic Society, but some species are predisposed to violence. Thus, we have games to placate the carnivores of the universe.

*listener questions*

Yes, I did kill the other competitors. That is simply part of the game. I wouldn’t expect you to understand, but I do expect you to trust me. Everything that you’re seeing is perfectly legal and accepted in our society. It is you who are the alien here.

*small pause*
Now, before we arrive at your new home, I would like to take a moment to make something clear, Terran. I love you.

*listener questions*

Do not be so shocked. I know you Terrans have a loose understanding of what love is, but the larger part of the universe understands it. Unlike you, my people are very attuned to specific hormones and pheromones. Your people produce those chemicals. Technically speaking, any member of the Xo race would fall in love with any Terran, but as we are the only two members of our respective races present, we are the only ones who are relevant to that fact.

*listener speaks*

I am aware you do not love me. I know you Terrans go through a lengthy courting ritual to prove love. That does not matter to me. Love is only a reaction, that I am forced to undergo. I will come to you when I need a fix, so to speak, but I do not need to woo you. I expect we will live two, very separate lives, with the occasional overlap for olfactory meetings.

*listener speaks*

If you look out your dash, you can see your new home before we land.

*small pause*

[ship doors open]

Welcome to Aphloid Minor Seven Two Nine. You’re free to change the name whenever you see fit.

*listener questions*

Oh yes, you haven’t seen a place like this before, have you? Well, this is a simulated planetoid. I don’t know the exact conversion rates for your Terran measurements, but from what I understand, it has a surface area of about three football fields. That is your standard of measurement, correct?

*listener agrees*

Very well. Despite its small size, various internal processors in the micro-planet’s core maintain the gravity, seasons, and weather. Because of its placement within this solar system, it is in a constant state of daylight, but I assure you, the processor core will keep the temperature stable. Your new, ~planet~ is meant to mimic Earth in every important way. You have multiple different biomes, landmass features, and even your own ocean. The core is properly shielded, so you are free to dig, harvest, cut, or play with anything you can get your hands on. If you’re smart enough to bring everything together, you should be able to make tools, and then a home roughly similar to your dwelling on Earth.

*listener questions*

Ah, food! Yes, as you can see, there are many Earth floras present on Seven Two Nine. Land animals are a little too wild, but, there are plenty of Zandigo Bellhoppers in the water. They are similar enough to an Earth fish for you to eat them. Should you find yourself starving, you can find a control panel in one of the caves. You don’t have administrator access, but you can signal me for help.

*listener asks*

Yes, I believe that is everything. From what I understand, Terrans are the apex predator on Earth because of their ingenuity. This world has plenty of bounties and almost no threats. I’m sure you can make yourself a good life here.

*listener speaks*

I imagine you are very distressed. I am glad you aren’t lashing out against me. Now, if you’d allow me a moment of intimacy, I can be on my way.

*listener questions*

A simple Earth hug should suffice. Then, I will leave you to colonize your new home.

*alien embraces*

Thank you for your cooperation Terran. I will return when I next crave you.

[ship doors close]