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Google Docs ScriptBin

Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

* * = Silent Insert

{ } = Line Delivery

~ ~ = Emphasis

Poolside Pleasantries

[metal gate closes]

No one here, huh?

*listener responds*

Well, people should be here. It’s a free pool in the middle of summer! Plus, the lifeguard here is really hot. Wouldn’t you agree?

*listener denies*

Give me a kiss you self-deprecating beauty.

(kiss)

You know, even if you weren’t drop-dead gorgeous, I’d still be all over you. Volunteer work is ~very~ attractive.

*listener retorts*

Oh, shut up and get back in the chair. I want to enjoy the view while I sunbathe.

*pause*

{sing-songy}

Oh, hot lifeguard! I need your help!

*small pause*

There you are. I have a very important problem!

*listener asks*

My front half is done! I want to flip over, but I couldn’t get the sun tan lotion on my back. I need someone to apply it for me, or I’ll burn!

*listener questions*

Nope, can’t reach it on my own. I need an extra set of hands.

*listener states*

Please? I know it’s not a lifeguard thing, but will you do it for me?

*listener speaks*

Fine. I’ll just roll over and let myself burn. And once I’m all crispy, I’ll just go home. Then, whoever I’m married to is going to have a terrible night when they can’t cuddle with me.

*listener states*

Ah, that brought you around? Well then, let’s get to it, Lifeguard.

*speaker flops*

(sigh)

Make sure to get every inch of me! We wouldn’t want any hotspots, would we?

(groan)

You should be a masseuse, honey. Your talents are absolutely wasted on just me.

(groan)
Easy on my spine! You’re gonna kill me!

(groan)

All right! I get it! I’ll do it myself! Sheesh, sweetie, it’s just sun tan lotion!

*listener speaks*

Yeah, yeah. You know, sometimes I forgot that under all that hot-ness lives a little gremlin.

*listener responds*

Oh, I didn’t say that. You may be a little goblin, but you’re my little goblin. I love you even when you get a little weird.

*small pause*

Can I have another kiss before you go back to your chair?

*listener speaks*

No?! Why not?

*listener answers*

Oh my… Is this about the laundry? Because I’m telling you, I didn’t steal your fuzzy socks! They’re probably just behind the dryer or something.

*listener accuses*

Yes, I know I don’t have the best track record when it comes to your clothing thefts, but I’m going to have to plead innocence this time. Do I wish I had taken your socks? Yes, they’re fuzzy and warm and I love them. Did I take your socks? No.

*listener doubts*
Fine! Go up to your ivory tower of lifeguard. But I promise I’ll get that kiss.

*pause*
Hey sweetie. I’m about to go off the diving board. Any trick requests?

*listener speaks*

Nope! I’m not up to anything! Just fun in the sun.

*listener accuses*

(scoffs)

No! I’m not going to fake drown for a CPR kiss! You watch too many movies!

*listener doubts*

Well, if you don’t have any requests, then I’m going to dive!

*small pause*

[diving board]

[rapid splashing sound effects]

Help! Help! I’m cramping! I can’t stay above water!

(choke)

Lifeguard whom I’ve never met! Save me!

*listener refuses*

Oh! I’m going under! You’ll have to pull me out of the water!

*listener doubts*

Please! Save my life and flex your skills at the same time! Help me!

*listener denies*
[splashing stops]

Really? You know, just because I’m lying, doesn’t mean you have to shoot me down this hard.

*listener muses*

Will you stop being all broody and mad? I didn’t steal the socks! I just want a kiss from my lovely partner, and you won’t give it to me!

*listener speaks*

Do you really think I won’t deliberately drown myself so you have to save me? Because I will! I will float on my stomach and take a big breath of water if that’s what it’ll take!

*listener doubts*

Fine, be that way!

[splash]

*small pause*

[bubbles]

*pause*

(deep breath)

Really? You would just let me die?

*listener responds*

Of course, I was bluffing! I wasn’t actually going to drown for a kiss! That’d be borderline rape and definitely really weird.

*listener speaks*

No, this isn’t about the socks. You don’t care this much about socks. Why are you so mad?

*listener states*

You’re mad about the lying, not the socks? But I’m not lying!

*listener disagrees*

Here. Let me get out of the pool…

[splash]

Honey, look me in the eyes.

*small pause*

There’s a reason we’re married, sweetheart. I love you. And I respect you too much to lie to your face. So when I say, I didn’t take the socks, you know I’m telling the truth.

*listener asks*

Don’t ask me that question.

*listener presses*

Because I just said I wouldn’t lie to you! And you’d be putting me in a bind.

*listener asks*

(groan)

Yes. I know where your socks are. But, I didn’t take them, I found them.

*listener continues*

No, I can’t give them back. I don’t have them.

*listener questions*

I’m not keeping it a secret so I can wear them, I’m avoiding the question so you don’t have to know what happened to them.

*listener states*

You don’t want to know.

*listener presses*

I promise you, if you just accept that they’re missing, you’ll feel better than if you know what happened to them.

*listener speaks*

Please don’t make me say it.

*listener insists*

(sigh)

The dog got to them! Your socks have been chewed to shreds. They’re sitting, in shambles, at the bottom of the trashcan.

*small pause*

See? Now you still have no socks, and you’re disappointed in the dog. This was a lose/lose situation.

*listener accepts*

Wait. You don’t seem nearly crestfallen enough. Your favorite pair of comfy socks are dead, and you couldn’t even be bothered. What am I missing?

*listener admits*

You have replacement pairs?! For how long?!

*listener states*

You monster! You’ve been holding out on me!

*small pause*

You know, if I didn’t feel so bad about the sock cover-up, I’d shove you into this pool.

*listener speaks*

No. Don’t talk to me. I can’t believe you had more pairs of those amazing socks this whole time! How could you hide this from me? Where did you even get more of them? I thought you got them from a swap meet.

*listener states*

You contacted the producer?! So, we could have had pairs upon pairs of those amazing socks, and you chose to deprive us? Why?!

*listener states*

Anniversary present. Why you little…

(growl)

Get in the hot tub. You are going to have to cuddle me to the moon and back to make up for this.

*small pause*

[hot tub ambiance]

*listener states*

Your apologies fall on deaf ears. I’ll admit it was a good anniversary present, but only in the way that food would be a great gift for a starving person. How could you deprive us both of sock luxury?

*listener speaks*

I don’t know if I even want the kiss anymore. How could I love a person who hordes the sock wealth?

(kiss)

Okay, maybe that made it a little better.

(kiss)

*listener asks*

(sigh)

Yeah, I forgive you.

*small pause*

One day, I’m going to get you under a microscope and figure out why your kisses are a cure-all to my anger.

*listener asks*

I will! And it will hurt like hell as I dissect you to unlock the secrets of the perfect kiss. But until then, I suppose we can just cuddle.

*listener embraces*

I love you too, honey.