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I’ve always loved it when people ramble to me about some franchise I don't know anything about. I’m not the type to get super into anything so I think its really cute. This was inspired by my friend explaining both Destiny and Warhammer 40,000 to me on the same day. I tried to make something that could replicate that effect to anybody, so I made an intentionally confusing and internally inconsistent fake franchise for the speaker to explain. Don't worry about pronunciation! In fact I think you should find the weirdest pronunciations you can! Just go nuts with it. As always I'd love Constructive Criticism

An archive of my scripts: [https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/x9hb9v/script_archive/

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Dialogue in Plain Text

Sound effects in bold

Context in italics

Bold italics represent context that changes the audio in some form

Knock

Door opens

Oh hey what's up! Come on in. I was just working on some hobby stuff.

Would you like some tea? I’ll get you some tea

They walk away for a moment. Listener checks out the coffee table which is covered in small painted models.

Oh hey yeah sorry I was painting some Fateless Sky: The red gospel of Mathias the Forgotten minis.

Oh don't worry about it, it's just a silly wargame.

They begin rambling

Well actually it started as a series of space shooters developed in soviet Kazakhstan that then turned into a successful series of novels by the exiled Italian Argentine anarchist philosopher Luigi Calvino Onassus that the wargame spun out of. Now there's a bunch of video games and there's gonna be a series on majorstudio maxiplus and-

Sorry I’m rambling. You don’t want to get me started. I could talk about this shit all day, you know me.

What, you like it when I ramble? You stop it.

They point to a figure and ask about them

What's that figure? Oh that's a union sharpshooter. He's a cyborg slave that was exiled to the far reaches of the universe to work in the shadow ore mines. His faction rebelled against the force of the galactic triad-

Breathe

See you got me rambling again.

You really want me to explain Fateless Sky? Alright I warned you.

Alright so the world is like post post-apocalyptic right? But it's also a space opera.

Look it just works ok?

So these big bulky guys with Greek looking space armor? I’m painting these for a friend. These guys are the galactic Triad. They’re descended from the people that sheltered underground during the apocalypse. And underground they found these three goddesses. Well it's really one god with three aspects. These blue guys are loyal to PROSPINA, goddess of the underworld. If they were green they’d be loyal to KORE goddess of life, and there's another faction loyal to DESPOINA goddess of shadows. And these goddesses want their followers to kill the Mutroids.

They pick up another figure

That's these guys! I love these guys because they're all messed up and mutated. I made him from a bunch of random model pieces I got in a box from the shop! He’s a mashup of pieces belonging to a lizard guy from some fantasy game and a French resistance fighter. Look at his little beret! Oui Oui.

Laughs

Ok yeah so they're like these mad max dudes alright. And like they got mutated by the Shadow radiation that was created by the apocalypse laser from the backstory. And they hate the Triad, because all the goddesses want to feast on their souls because they’ve been tainted by the shadow radiation. So this guy is a Mutroid Slamuraii he’s this warrior monk who’s obsessed with bazookas. The Mutroids can travel to this place called the RadZone which is like this reality where the apocalypse laser was never fired and they can bring stuff back from it even though it's just a dream. They’ve fled earth and traveled into the depths of space.

Right yeah so it's a space opera too. That's where that guy from before comes in. These planets that surround these messed up purple looking stars have shadow ore, which is used to fire apocalypse lasers. But the shadow radiation kills you, so the Triad turns criminals into cyborgs and forces them to mine it. But some rebelled and formed this faction called UNION. They’re so cool. It's like Django Unchained if he was a space robot. This is the army I play as usually. They have these cool things where they can just cover the field with laser pistols. And their spaceships look like old timey locomotives! Isn't that cool?

Listener points to a group of figures that look like goth women with scythes.

Who are those guys? Those are the Void Psirens! Yeah Siren with a silent P, its super dumb but I love it! This is an army I’m working on collecting. What? They’re goth babes with magic scythes, what's not to love! See if you go through the space between stars you unknowingly sell your souls to these ladies. And they come to collect you and anybody nearby when you return home. That's what caused the backstory apocalypse. The Triads can avoid that by bringing a fragment of their goddess with them, which is how they power their ships. And the Mutroids avoid them by traveling through the radlands. And UNION uses the power of the dead fourth goddess ADRASTIA. But sometimes the PSirens just attack the home planets anyways.

I’m so excited to collect these but I still need a leader figure. Yeah no every army needs a leader figure. See my UNION troops have Wireless Bill OverClock. He can call down artillery fire and heal you with whiskey! And my friends guys have this creepy masked priestess lady, she can eat the soul of anyone that sees her true face and raise them as QuasarZombies! Yeah no the humans in this game are evillllllllllll! Like just the worst. It’s honestly kinda weird how they’re the protagonists in like half the novels. That's why I don't collect them.

But yeah I need to find a leader for my Psirens before I can play as them. They’re super rare though because not many people collect them.

Wait, what do you mean you have something for me? Oh my gosh I didn't even notice the bag, I must be so rude, rambling on about this crap when you’re trying to give me something. What's the occasion? Yeah I know you were out of town on my birthday, but you didn't have to get me anything!

Ok ok I’ll open it!

Oh my gosh oh my gosh!

It's Alice O'Malice, the nameless sorceress of Vectron IX! She's a Psiren leader figure! Oh my gosh thank you thank you thank you!

Hugs listener.

How did you know? My mom? I cant believe she listened to my weird rambles!

This is so cool! I’ll start painting her right away!

What's her deal?

Well she's actually part of the original pilgrims of reyne that became the void psirens before the second Peloponnesian war and she-

Fade out with extra rambling

-30-