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Whoops! This came out really sad. A lot more depressive than I meant it to be. I'm still posting it, because maybe someone will like it, but maybe just do yourself a favor and don't read this one.

All use; for any level of monetization, is okay. All edits are encouraged. Credit SplashiestPig.

Key:

[Background SFX]

(SFX created by the speaker)

{Stage Direction}

*non-spoken context*

~emphasis~

Remorse

[phone beeps]

Hey babe. I’m sorry about the texts. I see why you didn’t want to answer.

*small pause*

You were right. I was wrong. I know that’s not why you’re angry, but I want you to hear it anyway. You do everything for us. I know that. I joke about you being a workaholic, but that’s unfair. You give me plenty of attention, you keep plenty of time for your hobbies, I was just throwing a hissy fit.

*small pause*

I know this could seem like an attempt at patchwork. It’s not. I like your income. And my lifestyle would be way harder if you didn’t pull the money you do. But I ~love~ you. If you wanted to cut me off, if you wanted me to start paying for rent and utilities, I understand. That won’t push me away. Nothing could push me away from you.

*small pause*

I want to make it up to you. I know I don’t really have much to offer. As far as utility goes, I’m basically a really expensive butler. I know that housekeeping-wise, you could do better than me. I know you deserve better than me, and I’m sorry I can’t give it to you.

*small pause*

I’m hoping that you haven’t decided on doing anything drastic while you were gone. Two weeks on a business meeting would probably be plenty of time for you to pick up a boy-toy. But…

*small pause*

(sigh)

I’d probably deserve that.

*small pause*

I don’t want to encourage the idea but, I wouldn’t count it as cheating. Or if I did, I’d say you earned it. I don’t think you’d do something like that but, I’d understand if you did. Even before our argument, I’d been awful.

*small pause*

I’m surprised you put up with me for this long. I’m glad, but, disappointed? I don’t know why I didn’t see it before but I had grown into a parasite. I hate that. I hate myself for having done that to you.

*small pause*

I know that I can’t make a quick fix on this. If I want to prove that I care, I’ll have to walk the talk. From the moment you get home, forward. Your happiness comes first. It won’t come before mine, because they’ll be one in the same. I’m going to invest in your hobbies. I’m going to eat at the places you like. I’m going to learn to see what you love, so I can enjoy it with you. I’m going to do everything I promised when we got together.

*pause*

I wish I was talking to you. Maybe you could give me some instruction on how to make this better. I’ll have things set up for your luxury when you get home. Hopefully for your pleasure too, but I know that’s kind of self-serving.

*small pause*

I know I’m in the doghouse on this one. I…

*small pause*

I don’t have an excuse. I want your forgiveness. That’s all I can ask for.

*pause*

(sigh)

I love you, baby. You mean the world to me. If I could, I’d pay anything to take back what I did. To fix all the mistakes I made. But I can’t. All I can do is be better moving forward.

*small pause*

I understand if this is too little, too late. I’ve been mistreating you for months, and if you decided that you’ve had enough, that would be fair. I wouldn’t be able to fault you, but I’m begging you, please give me another chance anyway.

*small pause*

I… I don’t want to defend my actions, but I want you to think about my repentance. You know I’ve never begged before. I’ve never asked for one more chance. This is it. If I don’t get it this time, I’ll leave. I’ll pack my things, and walk out your door. Leave you to have a better life without me. Please, let me try again.

*small pause*

{choking up}

I don’t have anything else to say. I’m starting to cry and I don’t want to pity you into trying again.

\small pause**

I’m going to hang up. I hope you listen to this voicemail. I hope you haven’t just blocked my number and moved on. I… I love you.

[phone beeps]