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Love Is Blind

Hello? I think I heard someone sit down. Are you my date for tonight?

*listener responds*

That’s great! Hey, uh, this is my first time doing a blind date, is it yours?

*listener responds*

Would you say it’s normal for us to be blindfolded? I mean, it’s called a “blind date” but I thought that was because you went in blind. Not that you actually didn’t get to see.

*listener comments*

No, I don’t mind! Actually, this is pretty good for me. I’m a demi-human and I usually get some weird stares. I… I’m kind of glad you can’t see me.

*small pause*

Wait, is that a huge red flag? I’m sorry if I’m messing this up already. Again, I’ve never done this before.

*listener states*

You’re a demi-human too? That’s wonderful! I assume you know what it’s like to be judged for your body then. I guess that’s something we already have in common!

*small pause*

Did you get a list of questions? The people in charge told me a few while they were putting the blindfold on.

*listener responds*

Yeah, I don’t remember all of them, but they seemed like pretty good icebreakers.

*small pause*

My name’s |name|. I live pretty close to here. I work as a telephone operator, but my dream job would be |job|. It’s just that my, demi-human traits, get in the way of most jobs.

*listener questions*

What kind of demi-human am I? Well um, I don’t really like to talk about it. I don’t have legs, I’m technically sixteen-foot-three if I stretched out, and I have a lifespan pushing on immortality. Is that enough to go on for now?

*listener agrees*

Thank you so much! I just… I get a little self-conscious about it.

*small pause*

So… what kind of demi-human are you?

{panicking}

If you don’t mind me asking. I know it’s not exactly fair since I won’t tell you, so I understand if you don’t want to tell me, I just-!

*listener states*

We can tell each other at the end? As a surprise? Wow, that’s really clever. I’d like that.

*small pause*

Well then, I live alone. I have two siblings but they live in Greece, which is where we’re all from. My parents weren’t demi-humans so they died about two thousand years ago. Oh, that’s probably important, isn’t it? I’m two thousand five hundred ninety-seven years old. What about you?

*listener begins*

Wow, that’s a lot of siblings! Are your parents still in the picture or..?

*listener states*

No parents? Like ever? That’s interesting. Where are you from?

*listener responds*

You were made in Switzerland? Well, now you’ve piqued my interest. How old are you?

*listener states*

Eight hundred thirty-nine? Wow, it’s so rare to actually meet people who lived for multiple centuries! Don’t be intimidated by the years I have on you. I stayed on the same acre of land for the first thousand years of my life. I’m sure you’ve lived way more than me. Have you been around Europe, or what?

*listener states*

Wow, that’s so cool! If this goes well, you’ll have to take me to the best spots!

*small pause*

Um… I can remember another icebreaker, just give me a second.

*small pause*

Oh! Pets! I don’t really have pets. Or I do, from a certain perspective. I don’t have to feed them or anything, but they do have a mind of their own. They’re really friendly though, I promise!

*small pause*

Do you have any pets?

*listener responds*

A star-nosed mole? Wait, aren’t they clinically blind?

*listener confirms*

They don’t have eyes? Wow, that’s actually really convenient! And I bet they’re adorable too!

{under breathe}

I’ll have to make sure my hair plays nice.

*small pause*

What? Nothing, I was just thinking to myself. So… that’s all the questions I remember. Do you have any or..?

*listener asks*

Hobbies? Oh! I’m an avid swimmer. I like to do some pottery every once in a while. And I love saunas! I actually had one built custom to fit me. What about you?

*listener speaks*

Uh-huh?

*small pause*

Mmhmm.

*small pause*

Wow, that’s really cool! Is the masonry for a job or..?

*listener comments*

It’s a demi-human thing? Ooh, another layer of mystery for the big reveal!

*small pause*

Hey, I was told there was food here, but we can’t very well look at a menu blindfolded. Do you think some standard dish is coming or..?

*listener comments*

Shoot, I guess I’ll just have to hold out. Actually, that might be good. There’s a Mediterranean place just a couple blocks down, and the owners are the nicest couple of satyrs I’ve ever known! They have some discounts for demi-humans and the best baklava you’ve ever tasted! Maybe we could head there after?

*listener questions*Yeah, like as a continuation of the date. You seem really fun and I want to get to know you. That is if I don’t end up scaring you off before we can go.

*small pause*

Do you value, eye contact?

*listener comments*

It’s a weird question, I know, it’s just… Well, it’ll be important later. Could you see yourself interacting with a person if you can’t look them in the eye?

*listener answers*

You could? That’s good. I… I don’t suppose that just revealed what kind of demi-human I am, did it?

*listener states*

Do you really not know, or are you just humoring me?

*listener assures*

Okay, I believe you. Umm…

*small pause*

What’s your greatest fear?

{quietly}

Please don’t say snakes! Don’t say snakes! Don’t say snakes!

*listener comments*

Oh wow. I was just going to say clowns but your thing is way scarier than mine! I think you just gave me a new fear.

*listener apologizes*

You don’t have to apologize. As you might have noticed, I’m not exactly the most confident person. I’m sure anything you said would have scared me.

*small pause*

So, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m really hungry. But we can’t get anything until we’ve taken these blindfolds off so, do you just want to skip to the end?

*listener agrees*

Thanks! It’s probably best that we take them off one at a time, for your sake. You should go first.

*listener obliges*

Okay, so prepare for what you’re about to see.

*small pause*

Ta-da! I’m a gorgon. I hope that reveal wasn’t too early. Did I spoil it just before you took your blindfold off?

*listener denies*

No? Good.

*small pause*

So, yeah. Everything should click now. My “pets” are the snakes in my head. I like saunas because I’m technically cold-blooded, and I work behind a telephone line because I can actually turn people to stone. Specifically, with unguarded eye contact. I have a pair of glasses that basically functions like a periscope. It means I can see people but since they aren’t technically looking at my eyes, they don’t turn to stone. I also have a pair of contacts, and I’ve had years to practice just keeping my eyes closed.

*small pause*

You’re not in real danger! I suppose that should have been mentioned earlier. The people I turn to stone don’t die, and I know a wizard who can reverse the statue-ing process. It’s just a little inconvenient for the statue-ee.

*small pause*

You don’t sound very scared. Most people have a little more of a converse reaction to this bit of news.

*small pause*

It doesn’t matter for you? I don’t understand. Are you just fine with being turned to stone or..?

*listener offers*

Yeah, I can take my blindfold off, but just give me a second to put my glasses on. Wouldn’t want to hit someone in the crossfire.

*small pause*

Okay, so… Oh my god, I’ve already stoned you. I’m so sorry, I don’t know how this happened! I didn’t peak, I swear!

*listener laughs*

Why are you laughing? How are you even laughing? I turned you to stone, so-.

*listener states*

You’re a gargoyle? Oh, I’ve made a fool of myself, haven’t I?

*listener comments*

Do you promise were always made of stone? I didn’t turn you?

*listener confirms*

That’s good. Actually, that’s really good! If you’re already living stone then I probably don’t have to worry about looking at you. I’m still not going to test it but maybe if we had a wizard on-site, we could experiment!

*small pause*

Can you actually fly? I know gargoyles have wings but I always thought it would be hard for something so heavy to fly.

{panicking}

Wait, is it mean to call you heavy? I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just because you’re made of stone! You look quite fit, I didn’t want to-!

*listener laughs*

Hey! It’s not funny! I was worried I had seriously offended you! I’d hate to throw a perfectly good chance at companionship away like that!

*listener comments*

Yeah, I said companionship. I don’t want to push but, you’re basically the first stranger I’ve met who’s older than sliced bread! Definitely, the first that is actually willing to be in my presence for extended amounts of time. I’ll admit, I’m a little desperate for interaction these days. I only see my siblings a couple of times a year, and besides them, I don’t have anyone who really gets it, you know? No one who understands what it’s like to be ancient. No one who isn’t secretly a little afraid of me. You seem like a real breath of fresh air.

*listener comments*

You think the same about me? Really? I mean, You’re big and kind of scowl-y, but surely there’s a vampire or kitsune or someone out there who’d want to be friends with you!

*listener comments*

Most people don’t give you the chance? Aw, that’s so sad!

*small pause*

Ah, I’m about to start crying on the first date! I’ve got to keep it together!

*small pause*

Why don’t we head out and get some food? That’ll get me to stop tearing up and we can keep getting to know each other.

*listener agrees*

Great! Follow me and, please be extra careful not to step on my tail. It’s a pretty common mistake people make but again, you’re a little bigger than the average careless Neko.

*listener assures*

Alright! I’m so glad I actually came to this dating thing. I think we’ve got quite the fun night ahead of us! Let’s go!