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[sound] = Optional Artificial Sound Effects

(sound) = Optional Verbal Sound Effects

{adjective} =Special Line Delivery. Applies to the next italicized section.

*sentence* = Silent context. Usually a scripted pause

Loving Luci

[door opens and closes]

{grumbling}

Lava shortage in the thousand lakes and those idiots think they can just get out?! Obviously, they just need to huddle closer together! I swear, if we don’t get this blockage fixed by the equinox, I’m going to-

*small pause*

What is that delightful smell?

(sniffs)

Is that…

*small pause*

Oh, little human. You’re in the kitchen. And you’ve seemed to have rallied all the slaves.

*small pause*

You’re not trying to revolt, are you? Because it won’t work. Even if our contracts weren’t soul binding, you’d still have no chance to beat me.

*listener denies*

Really? You expect me to believe you're just organizing the help?

*listener confirms*

Well, if this is all just a non-threatening action. Then I’m sure I won’t find any…

{shouted out}

Knives behind your back!

*small pause*

Wow, they actually weren’t there. I didn’t expect that.

*small pause*

Well then, why don’t I just open the pantry. I’m sure there won’t be any…

{shouted}

Venomous snakes!

*small pause*

Aha! A snake! This was an assassination attempt!

*listener denies*

Oh, it’s just Herbert. Herbert, why are you in the pantry? They are souls to be reaped! Go forth and consume.

*snake slithers away*

Well then, I’m sure this meal is perfectly non-kosher too then, isn’t it?

*listener states*

Soul-fflé? Did you know that was my favorite, or was that just luck?

*listener comments*

Beelzebub told you? Then I suppose I’ll have to punish him for aiding an attempted regicide.

*listener questions*

Yes, regicide. It’s obvious that you’ve poisoned the meal. Why else would you go out of your way to make my favorite dish on your first day?

*listener states*

To make me happy? Fat chance little mortal. I see through your lies. You can cut the act, I know you hate me.

*listener denies*

Oh, really? Well then, why don’t you take a bite of the soul-fflé? If it’s not poisoned then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind eating it.

*listener begins*

Wow, you actually took a bite. Way to commit to the ruse, little one. If I wasn’t the target of the assassination, I’d be impressed.

*small pause*

Shame too. You may have been the first human to try this angle. When you die, it’ll be pretty hard to find someone else who’s willing to commit as much as you.

*pause*

So, are you going to drop dead soon, or is it a more, slow-acting poison?

*listener denies*

Really? You’re still sticking to your, “It’s not poisoned” shtick? Well, I’ll give it a few hours. I’m sure the symptoms will display soon.

*small pause*

Well human, if you wish to keep, “Harmlessly organizing the help”, then I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be in my study, and I do not wish to be disturbed.

*pause for time skip*

[knock]

You may enter.

[door opens and closes]

Ah, little human. I’ll admit, I’m surprised to see you. I thought you’d spend your last moments doing something a little more fun than serving tea.

*listener objects*

Yes, I’m sure. “The soul-fflé wasn’t poisoned and you aren’t going to die.” Now, why are you here? I allowed you to enter, but if you’re simply wasting my time, I’ll throw you in the pits myself.

*listener reveals*

Tea? You brought me tea?

*small pause*

What kind?

*listener states*

Now, where did a human servant get a box of tea in the middle of Hell?

*listener states*

Charon gave it to you? I’m sorry, are you implying that Charon actually interacted with you?

*listener responds*

You’re friends? Wow, and here I thought you were smart. If you had taken a few seconds to research your lie, you’d know Charon is incredibly anti-social. They don’t talk to anyone. Not even me. There is no way you partitioned them to source you a box of tea from the living world.

*listener comments*

Well yes, it does smell like you have tea. In fact, it smells like it’s been twice steeped and dashed with a little nutmeg. Which would be the exact way I like it.

*small pause*

Oh, I get it now. That’s why you were so willing to eat the soul-fflé! It wasn’t tampered with, it was part of a confidence scheme! And now you’ve poisoned the tea and you expected that my guard would be lowered!

*listener denies*

Deny it all you want, but I have you know. You are going to stay right here, in my line of sight, and drink every last drop of tea you brought. If you truly haven’t poisoned it, then you’ll have nothing to worry about.

*listener questions*

Yes, I think this is an excellent plan. You drink up, I’ll just keep writing my memoirs. I’m sure you’ll be dead by the time I’m done.

*pause*

Yes, I’m writing a memoir. I keep a written record of every day I’ve ever lived. Call it something of a hobby.

*listener comments*

Well, I didn’t expect a mortal to understand, but your support is nice.

*small pause*

I suppose I may as well wring a little more support out of you before you succumb to whatever you put in the tea. I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.

*small pause*

Did I take you in today? Because I was recounting the details and I’m sure that your contract was signed this morning, but if that was the case, then you’ve made an incredible amount of progress in a minuscule amount of time.

*listener confirms*

Really? Well, I suppose you haven’t done anything impossible, it’s just… amazing. For a mortal, that is.

*small pause*

Does the tea taste good?

*listener confirms*

Yes, I may be considering drinking some of it. It smells very nice, and I haven’t taken a moment to treat myself in a long time. You seem to be fine, and I’m sure my constitution is better than yours. So maybe, I could afford a little sip.

*small pause*

Wait! You almost got to me! I don’t know what magic you're in league with mortal, but I won’t have it be my downfall. Stand up. We’re going to my chambers. I have just the thing for your there.

*pause*

[door opens and closes]

There, this should be private enough for you. Strip.

*listener states*

You heard me mortal. Do not fear, for this is not a sexual activity. I simply need you rendered bare to perform what is to come. Now strip.

*listener denies*

May I remind you that you are mine? You signed a contract, and I can command you however I may choose. This is the last time I’ll be asking you to undress. If you resist again, I’ll compel you to prance around the streets naked while I gather the data.

*listener begins*

That’s more like it. When you’re done, hold one of these runes in each hand. I’ll prepare the spell.

*pause*

Now hold still mortal. This is going to tingle.

[magic sfx]

The runes… they’re… glowing white.

*small pause*

I… I’m…

*small pause*

Put your clothes back on mortal.

*listener questions*

Yes, cover yourself. It would appear you’ve been telling the truth. And I’ve been accusing you of nothing all day.

{drawn out}

I’m sorr-

*small pause*

You know what? I’m not sorry. This was horribly suspicious, and assuming the worst is what any practical demon lord would do. I shouldn’t have to apologize.

*listener questions*

Yes, you caring about me is suspicious! I’ve done nothing to earn your affection, you shouldn’t be giving it to me. You are acting like a puppy or a kitten or some other dumb animal that gives blind affection.

*small pause*

In fact, I still don’t believe this. You probably had some charm that tricked my spell. I’m sure you don’t actually care about me.

*listener assures*

Well, I’ve thought of a new test. And we’re in the perfect place to try it. I am going to lay on my bed, and if you want me to believe you care for me, then you can prove it. Make me feel loved.

*small pause*

Well, I’m waiting.

*listener hugs*

What are you doing?

*listener states*

Yes, you’ve embraced me. That much is obvious. I mean, why are you doing this and not something, lewder?

*listener comments*
Yes, being lewd wouldn’t have proven anything, that was the point! I was looking for a reason to punish you!

*listener questions*
No, I can’t punish you for hugging me! This is so, wholesome. Almost sickeningly so. I would accuse you of being an angel, but I just saw you naked and you didn’t have any wings.

*small pause*

Did my father send you? Is this a ploy to bring me back to heaven, because that’s not going to happen!

*listener denies*

I don’t know why, but, I actually believe you. Have you been this nice to everyone? If so, I understand how you won Charon over.

*pause*

Human, I’ve come to a decision. I am taking you as my bride.

*listener questions*’

Yes, bride. It’s technically a semantic term, but as the overlord of hell, I can proclaim anyone to be my bride, at any time. Regardless of species, gender, or current willingness. You are my bride now, and I won’t be taking suggestions.

*listener questions*
Well, it means you’re mine. So no flirting with anyone else, you must be loyal to me. And you have to continue doing all this, housekeeping stuff. In exchange, you’ll be recognized as a high-ranking official in Hell. Your word will be backed by mine so lower-ranking demons will be forced to oblige you. That’s pretty much it.

*listener agrees*

You accept?! Really? With no further resistance? It’s not like you could have said no, but I didn’t think you’d say yes! I… I don’t know what to say. I guess, keep snuggling up against me? I don’t know, this is weird. I promise I’m normally more forceful than this. I think you’ve just confused me a little.

*small pause*

I… love you? I don’t know if that’s right. Maybe just, I tolerate you. Yeah, that sounds better. I tolerate you, little one. Is… is that enough to satisfy you?

*listener confirms*
Yes? Wow, I really thought that’d make you angry. You really are a special one, little mortal. I… I suppose I won’t mind keeping you around.

*small pause*

Thank you?