Google Doc with better formatting

Key:

[Background SFX]

(SFX created by the speaker)

{Stage Direction}

*non-spoken context*

~emphasis~

|Author’s Note|

“Rescuing” The Regent

Do not fear, mortal. I see that you are overwhelmed. This dragon is a noble foe. Allow me to slay it for you.

[magic sfx]

*small pause*

It is done. When you return to your kingdom, you will be hailed the triumphant hero!

*listener speaks*

It was no trouble of mine, fair one. I am your guardian angel! My purpose is to protect you when things become too much.

*listener comments*

{nervous}

Yes, that is why I seem so familiar. You’ve seen me as I protected you long ago. No other reason!

*listener speaks*

{panicked}

Fair mortal!

(clear throat)

Fair, mortal. Do not leave so soon! I wish to… umm… Oh, I was never any good at deception! Just, hold still.

[thump]

*listener collapses*

*pause*

Hi again! Let’s just get all the panic out of the way. I'm in a different outfit now. One with much less bright coloration. I really do prefer the darker shades to that white robe nonsense, I really don’t see how-!

*cutting themself off*

Whoops, I’m rambling. I am |magic sorcerer name|, I’m sure you’ve seen my paintings before. I’m not your guardian angel, that was just a little trick I cooked up to get you here. As you may recall, it didn’t exactly pan out.

*nervous laugh*

Technically speaking, this is a kidnapping. Hence, the cage. I’m holding you ransom until your father pays me what he owes.

*listener comments*

Yes, yes, it’s horrible, I know. But you aren’t going to be harmed! Once we smooth this over, you’ll be on your merry way!

*listener berates*

Don’t say such hurtful things! I still slew the dragon for you! A feat, which I mention because you clearly wouldn’t have succeeded alone! I mean really, it was a hydra! You can’t just cut those up with a sword! You needed me! So… I don’t know, be grateful? Yeah, grateful! You should be grateful and cooperate with me, as thanks for helping you. That seems fair, right?

*listener comments*

Oh, I don’t seem too confident about all of this? Well, you seem overly calm! What, is this not your first time getting locked up by a magician?

*listener retorts*

You were kidnapped by a mage last week?!

{quietly}

Maybe I picked the wrong kid to napp!

(clear throat)

And what, pray tell, happened to the last mage to kidnap you?

*listener responds*

You… you… You you you what!

(deep breath)

I may have made a critical mistake here. But I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll just stop talking to you, and soon enough the messenger will be back with what’s mine. Please, just stay calm, and contained, and don’t try anything!

(nervous hums)

{startled}

What, no, nothing!

(clear throat)

I mean, what did you say?

*listener accuses*

Yes, I’ll admit, this is the first time I have personally overseen the kidnapping of anyone. I think we have a few bandits in the dungeon, but I don’t usually have to stand so close to them. In contrast, you’re here in the master cell! You’re like three feet away, and you’re standing all menacingly and, I may be a little bit panicked.

*small pause*

(whimper)

I’m probably going to regret asking this, but how did you get that scar? The one on your face.

*listener regales*

Yep, definitely shouldn’t have asked you that! This was a mistake, I don’t even care about tea that much, why would I go and kidnap someone for it?

*listener interjects*

What? Oh, yes, I kidnapped you for a tea set. I had a formal brunch with your father and the servants went to clean my cutlery and it got mixed in with yours and here we are. It’s not like it’s my best tea set or anything, I just thought that I shouldn’t be taken advantage of like that.

*listener questions*

Yes, this is all just for the tea set. What else would I want?

*listener comments*

I’m a mage. I don’t need money and I have power. I just want my stuff back!

*small pause*

And the respect wouldn’t be so bad either. Mirror says I shouldn’t let people push me around as I do, and Mirror is usually right, so I decided to make a stand.

*listener questions*

Yes, Mirror. My magic mirror. It gives me advice all the time. It’s one of my closest informants. Mirror said that I should stand up for myself and talk to your father. But that was too hard, so I thought I could meet them halfway, and do something bold to get what I want. Which, I think, one could argue, was even braver than talking to the King.

*listener implies*

Oh, yes, Mirror is very smart. One of my best creations. They always know what I should do next.

*listener comments*

You’re right! I should go talk to them! I’m sure Mirror already knows the perfect solution to this problem! Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back!

[footsteps retreat]

*small pause*

[lockpicking sounds]

[door opens]

*pause*

{deeper voice}

That royal is a small fry! Who cares what they’ve done, you are an amazing magician. You could take them with two hands tied behind your back!

*small pause*

You're probably right, but you didn’t see their scar! It’s really spooky! Are you sure I shouldn’t just let them go?

*small pause*

{deeper voice}

Don’t let them go! Just hold out for a little longer and you’ll get your things back, and you can act like all of this never happened! Just march back into that study, and act even more menacing than they do!

*small pause*

You’re right, Mirror. I should head back and give them a piece of my-!

(shriek)

You’re not in the cage! You aren’t supposed to be here!

{panicking}

Uh, umm, magic chains!

[magic sfx]

Okay, that should hold you. How’d you get out of the cell?

(snap fingers)

That was a lockpick in your shoe, wasn’t it? I knew I detected something metal!

*listener speaks*

That doesn’t matter right now! You’re re-captured, and the messenger is definitely getting close. I just need to hold out for a little longer, right Mirror?

{deeper voice}

That’s right. Remember, you need to exude confidence. Take a deep breath and put that heir in their place!

(deep breath)

(exhale)

Mirror is right! I am an incredible sorcerer. My might rivals entire kingdoms! And I do not need to be afraid of any royal knight, no matter how they may look.

(multiple breaths)

*listener comments*

Don’t you dare talk to Mirror like that! They most certainly ~are~ magic! It looks like I’m play-acting because you don’t understand the deep intricacies of the arcane arts!

*listener continues*

Such blasphemies! If Mirror could hear anyone besides me, I’m sure their feelings would be very hurt!

*small pause*

You are downright mean! There, I said it! I don’t want to keep talking to you because you make me feel sad and scared, and generally unhappy. I’m leaving you here and going to check on the progress of the messenger! Don’t move for real this time!

*pause*

Your father was happy to return the set, so I guess we’re good then. I’m going to teleport you back home so I don’t have to worry about you trying anything while you’re here.

*small pause*

Please don’t come back. I don’t want to hurt anyone, least of all you. Can you just let bygones be bygones?

*listener speaks*

Thanks for cooperating. See you never.

[magic sfx]