Google Doc with better formatting

All use, edited, monetized, or otherwise is fair game. Criticism is encouraged. If you record this script credit SplashiestPig and I'd love to see it when it's done.

Key:

[Background SFX]

(SFX created by the speaker)

{Stage Direction}

*non-spoken context*

~emphasis~

|Author’s Note|

A Fur-midable Feline

[bushes rustle]

{talking to themself}

Three clicks east of the local village, I should be coming up on it any second now.

*small pause*

Here we are! Temple definitely looks old. Carvings might place it around 4th century A.D. I wonder if it’ll have some intact masonry? We still don’t really understand how they transported this much granite from the quarry. I’m betting on oil and slide mechanics but I’d love to get some evidence.

{loudly}

Over here, boys! Bring the cameras! We’ve uncovered the find of the decade!

[bushes rustle]

{examining}

Let’s get a few distant shots then head over. Make sure to have your tranquilizers ready! We’re pretty deep in the jungle and the natives say this is tiger territory.

*pause*

{profesional}

You two take pictures of the whole exterior. I don’t want to miss an inch. You photograph the central room and I’ll check in on the upper levels. I want every bit of this place documented!

[walking sfx]

*small pause*

{dissmisive}

They’ll be fine out there, |last name 1|. We are plenty prepared for anything this jungle throws at us. Now take the pictures and shut up about that whole “being watched” thing. You’re getting everyone on edge!

[walking sfx]

[photographs flash]

{talking to themself}

The oil bowl is largely intact after all this time. Now that’s craftsmanship! In fact, these upper levels seem way better off than the exterior. Maybe a wind tunnel prevents internal erosion. I’m done here for a while, I should go check in on |last name 1|.

{loudly}

|last name 1|! |last name 1|! I swear if you got buried in rumble not five minutes in!

*small pause*

Hey, where are you! I want to compare findings, say something!

*small pause*

|last name 2|! |last name 3|! Have you seen |last name 1|!

*small pause*

{talking to themselves}

Where did they get off to? Did they all just bail on me? That can’t be right.

*small pause*

{confused}

It’s that a flare? Why would someone fire that?

[running sfx]

Yep, that’s definitely one of our flares. And tranquilizer casings? What is happening right now?

[growling]

{spooked}

Oh, that explains what’s wrong! That tiger is huge! I’ve got to stay calm. I’ll keep talking in this low tone. And very slowly I’ll reach for my gun. It’s a good thing it’s already loaded. Just stay calm, Misses Tiger. Mister Tiger? It really doesn’t matter since you’re clearly angry. And that makes sense, I’m in your territory, maybe close to a den. So I’ll just back away nice and slow. Here, I’ll kick the flare over that way and…

(sound of exertion)

That’s right, look at the bright flare. And don’t pay attention to me doing this!

[tranquilizer fires]

*speaker runs*

[bushes rustle]

[speaker trips]

*speaker tries to crawl away*

{scared}

Please don’t! I’m sorry for trespassing it won’t happen again! Please let me go! Please-!

(ragged breath)

You stopped. Thank you so much! I’ll leave here and never come back, I promise! Just stay right there and you won’t ever see me again!

*listener speaks*

Oh no! I’m dead. I’m dead and in my last moments, I’m imagining talking tigers! Why did it have to be me? I could have been a chef! Chefs don’t die alone in jungles!

*listener speaks*

{dazed}

“Coin”? What like you want a coin? Do I have to pay you to move into the afterlife or something? Uh, I should have stayed home! Mom always said this job would be the death of me!

*listener speaks*

“Foot”? I don’t understand? Well, I guess I don’t need to. I must be losing so much blood that I can’t even imagine a proper conversation. Won’t be long before everything fades to black.

*small pause*

I never got to tell my sister about her goldfish. I wonder if this is how it felt when the cat got to it.

[growls]

{fearful}

Okay, you’re angry! I’m sorry but I can’t help! I don’t have any money and I can’t-!

*small pause*

(slight exertion)

{confused}

There was a coin lodged in my boot. Of course, there was! Who knew my dying brain could create a perfect Dues Ex Machina? Here, you want the coin? Take it and let me die in peace! *speaker walks to tiger and hands them the coin*

[collapses]

{loopy}

I can’t even muster the strength to stand! I feel so cold. My vision is failing me. Mom, is that you? You look so orange, and fluffy?!

*speaker snaps up*

{attent}

You’re the tiger! And you’re a person and I’m going crazy! This is too much, even for me. Just let me bleed out already!

(yelp)

You’ve got me on your shoulder? Why? Are you going to take me back to the temple and sacrifice me to the tiger gods?

[running sfx start]

Woah! You’re very fast. I guess that’s tigers for ya.

*small pause*

Oh god, were ~are~ going back to the temple. Am I really going to imagine a sexy tiger hybrid mauling me to death? Really brain? Is that the best we could do in our dying moments? Please just let this torture end! Let me die!

[running sfx stop]

*listener utters*

{irked}

“Dead” Yep, that me! Dead. Not alive. Finito!

*small pause*

You know it’s pretty weird that you speak some English but not fluent English. You’d think in my dying moments I could actually pick a lane for my fantasies but no…

*listener parrots*

“No”? You’re just repeating what I’m saying now? That’s great. Definitely how I wanted to go out.

*listener connects*

“No Dead”? Denial, cool. I hope you aren’t like, a physical representation of the stages of grief, because I really don’t want to see anger.

*listener moves*

{frightened}

All right, paw on my chest! Your claws look very sharp, that’s for sure. Please just make it quick.

(brace)

{confused}

You’re still just touching me. What’s happening here?

*listener repeats*

“No Dead”. I’m sure you think that because you’re just a figment of my imagination, but that’s not true. Please try to think about this. The only logical explanation is that I’m dying, and vividly hallucinating. The idea that you’re a semi-intelligent magic tiger who chased me for a coin and then dragged me back here to eat me is laughable.

*listener speaks*

“No Eat”? Well, that would be nice I guess. But it would just confuse our little narrative here. If you don’t want to eat me then why would you take me back here after trying to chase me away?

*listener states*

“Play”? What does that even mean? Do you have board games here or are we talking fights to the death because if that’s the case, I can’t really-!

*listener tackles speaker*

{mildly perturbed}

You pounced on me! Hey, down kitty! Don’t-!

[listener licks speaker]

Gross! You can’t just lick my face, I don’t know where you’ve been!

[licks again]

Stop it, your tongue’s all tickly! And it’s cruel to play with your meal like this.

*listener nuzzles*

Stop nuzzling me, it’s weird! Just two minutes ago, you were coming for my blood and now you’re scenting me like a house cat. What changed?

*listener speaks*

“Coin”.

(sigh)

I guess that’s all the explanation I’m going to get.

*small pause*

And now you’re purring. It feels kind of odd to have a massive, fluffy cat vibrate on me, but whatever.

*listener speaks*

{calm}

“No Dead”. I’m not sure I actually believe you, but I can at least stop panicking. Why do you care, do you only eat calm meat or something?

*listener speaks*

“Leave”? What like I ~can~ leave, or you’re telling me to leave?

*listener stands up*

Okay, this feels like you’re letting me go. I’m sorry about the tranquilizer from earlier, although you didn’t seem to care too much. I’m going to leave now, I’ll make sure not to grab any more coins on my way out.

[walking sfx]

So you’re letting me go, just like that. I’ll do it! I’m at the threshold of this temple and I can just keep walking!

*listener speaks*

“Visit”? Yeah sure. If you just don’t want us to take anything I can bring the crew back to finish documentation real soon.

*listener corrects*

“Visit Alone”? Did the others do something wrong, or…

*listener approaches*

Okay, you’re getting all close again. I’m sorry if questioning you was against the rules or something, I didn’t know-!

*listener licks speaker*

There you go licking me again. You’re just a big softie, aren’t you?

*listener repeats*

“Visit Alone” Alright, whatever you say. I’ll go recover my footage and then I’ll finish the expedition alone. See you soon, I guess.

[walking sfx]