https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ax9oRR0ketxE3YVrnTFzTeePI86ReIxv8x3S83T2ZhY/edit?usp=sharing <Google Doc with better formatting

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[Background SFX]

(SFX created by the speaker)

{Stage Direction}

*non-spoken context*

~emphasis~

|author’s note|

A Misunderstood Drider

Since the beginning of civilization, some people have always been scared of spiders. They’d cite anything from the number of legs to the odd colors of eyes to rationalize their fear. The driders suffered from wayward glances and distrust ever since they first left their caves. And after years of hunting, genocide, and carnage, the vast majority retreated to the shadows. Knights of the realm are often summoned to dispose of any that wander too near townships, and today would be no different.

[cave ambiance]

[torch flame]

{confidently}

Beast of the South Cave! You have terrorized the people of this fair land for far too long! I, the valiant knight, |name| have come to remove you! Whether that be by diplomacy or force!

*listener yells*

{playing along}

What was that? A fellow adventurer? Trapped here by the beast?! Adventurer, your voice echoes throughout the cave, where are you?!

*listener speaks*

You are trapped deep within the caves? Do not worry!

(snickers)

I will come and-

(losing composure laughing)

{amused}

I’m sorry, I simply cannot believe how stupid you must think I am.

*small pause*

I see through your schemes, drider! You hope to lure me down into your web, where I am sure you would feast on my flesh! Unfortunately for you, I came prepared for such tricks.

[potion bottle sloshes]

I suspected you may lurk in the shadows, so I paid a visit to a close friend of mine, an alchemist. He gave me a potion that would allow me to see clearly, even in the absence of moon or sun!

(drinks potion)

[exstinguishes torch]

{confidently}

And now, I have you in checkmate! No matter how sensitive your eyes are, you still need light to see. By hiding so deep within the caves, you have rendered yourself blind!

*pause*

Now, dear ~adventurer~, if you obey my commands I can overlook your hasty attempt at a trap. Come out of the cave slowly and I will not harm you. You must leave this land forever, but I would be generous enough to concede you your life, should you cooperate.

[8 legs tap across stone]

{teasing}

That’s a good little spider. Keep steady and I might even give you a treat! Would the little drider like that? A belly rub and some table scraps?

*listener comes into daylight*

{slightly impressed, still teasing}

Wow, you’re a little big for table scraps, aren’t you?

{under breath}

Honestly, it looks like this one could eat the whole table…

{confident}

It’s good you came without a fight, Drider! There may be some hope for relocation if you keep such a pleasant demeanor.

*listener begs*

Whether you wish to leave or not is irrelevant! You lost the right to stay here when you committed such atrocities against humanity!

*listener denies*

Of course, you deny these allegations! Just as you denied your monstrous status. I understand initially wanting to trick me, but honestly, your continued attempts at deception wound me.

*listener denies*

{genuinly saddened}

Please stop begging, it’s beneath you.

{teasing}

Although I imagine most things are beneath you. How tall are you anyway? 10 feet? 15 maybe?

*listener speaks*

{understanding}

I suppose you wouldn’t know. I doubt you’ve ever gotten to measure it.

[sheathes sword]

{confident}

Kneel drider! I will tie this around your neck and lead you into town. Once they see that I’ve subdued you, I will dispose of you. If you play nice when we’re in town then I’m sure we can find a forest that could sustain someone as giant as you.

[drider backs away]

Do not attempt to flee now drider. We have almost come to an accord. Follow along with this plan and I can assure you that you will escape without any permanent injury.

*listener objects*

What do you fear those townspeople could do to you? Not only would you be docile, but you would have the word of a knight! Any brave enough to face you will stand down out of respect.

*listener objects*

{kinder}

Drider, I promise you, on my vow of knighthood, if you come with me, and you remain meek, then I will protect you.

*listener obliges*

{confident}

Excellent, now lay still while I affix this rope.

[rope sounds]

There that should be snug around your neck, can you still breathe?

*listener confirms*

Good, when we near town, I will bind your hands as well. Until then, I trust you can have a little freedom.

*small pause*

Allow me to mount my horse. It is only a few minutes to town if we ride. I assume you will be able to keep pace with my horse’s trot?

*listener agrees*

Good, this will go smoothly then.

[horse walking]

*pause*

Something has me thinking, drider. You are massive, presumably strong, and I’m sure your exoskeleton keeps your lower half well-protected. Why would you surrender so easily?

*listener speaks*

{confused}

“You do not like to fight”? I’ve heard of kindly driders, but ~anyone~ would fight if threatened. And you were luring me in ~to~ fight, why would you lose resolve so quickly?

*listener clarifies*

You would tell me that you ~weren’t~ going to fight me in the cave? You planned to slip away once I had entered?

{impressed}

A clever plan I suppose, the echoes would hide your footsteps, and no one would expect a drider to run. I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t buy that potion.

*listener questions*

{jovially}

Yes, there was no vision potion. The bottle was just spring water. No wizard worth their salt would live somewhere this, off-the-map. And I bet every alchemist in the lands would be far too, snobbish, to even have an audience with me. I simply hoped the old “Magic McGuffin” would flush you out.

*listener comments*

Oh yes, I know! All those magical types are so egotistical! Each with their own special name, acting like what they do is so much better than any other casters. I can’t stand them. I’d rather be stuck with you forever than spend a day with one of those mystic pricks!

*listener asks*

{genuine}

Well, yes, I do mean that. Spending time with you isn’t the worst, especially with how gentle you seem. I suppose it's best that way since we may be traveling for some time after we arrive at that village.

*pause*

Speaking of which, I probably need you to at least act scary when we arrive. You’re already very different than your description. I wouldn't want people thinking I hired a drider to fake the job.

*listener comments*

{Contemplative}

Well yes, I suppose it is odd how different you are from your allegations. I ~would~ assume it was a trick, but you are physically different as well. The people in town couldn’t agree on your color, and they told me you were much smaller than you are. Honestly, when you emerged from the cave, I assumed one of your offspring had committed the crimes and you were some Brood Alpha come to protect the den.

*listener asks*

“What crimes did they accuse you of?” Quite the myriad, truthfully. Petty theft, arson, murder, kidnapping. Really just anything that would stick.

{accepting}

Come to think of it, you wouldn’t fit in the bakery for those accounts of theft.

*small pause*

You really didn’t commit those crimes, did you? I hadn’t really thought about it, but when I say them all out loud, it is just a smear, isn’t it?

*listener confirms*

By the goddess, you were telling the truth! On my honor, as a knight, I wish you my apologies. I wouldn’t have acted so cruelly if I had known you were truly harmless.

*pause*

{understanding}

That’s why you didn’t want to come to town, wasn’t it? You knew the people there want you dead, regardless of your acts.

*listener agrees*

I will do my best to make this right, drider. Once we pass through town and I am paid, I will relinquish the bounty to you. That should fund a venture beyond the human borders, with my protection, if you’d want it.

*listener asks*

{kindly}

Yes, I would do that for you! I imagine life has not treated you kindly, yet you remain kind. When I first saw you, I feared I had met my match, but you surrendered to avoid the fight. Your soul is good, so I hope that any mercy I can show you may help redeem what my kind has done to you.

*listener thanks*

Do not thank me. What I’m doing isn’t enough.

[distant crowd sound]

{serious}

We are nearing the village. Stop here and I’ll bind your arms. We will parade you through town, then we will leave to the north.

[horse walking stops]

[rope sounds]

I have a worry, drider. I fear some of the more ~brutish~ of the village would attack you, even with my presence, however, I believe I have a solution. If you would allow it, I would use this rope as a bridle and ride you into town. Then you would be the mindless beast they believe you are, but none will question my choice to keep you alive, and if they do, you will have the mobility to flee.

*small pause*

I imagine that having another on top of you may feel a little personal, but I think it’s our safest option.

*listener agrees*

{perplexed}

Really? You’d allow me to tour you through town like this? Your humility is truly boundless, fair drider. If you truly would allow it then please, kneel down.

(grunt of effort)

[rope sounds]

{confident}

Alright, time for quite the masquerade. Just follow my lead and you’ll be free before you know it.

{yelling}

Townsmen! Bring to me your elders, for I, |name|, have bested the drider! Bestow me my bounty or I will release this one upon you!

[sack of coins tossed]

Thank you, villagers! Now I will be on my way with my new conquest! Step aside!

*villagers stay still*

Townspeople, I behest you move! This one is quite ferocious and will not rest long!

*drider thrashes for show*

Do not approach! You will scare the beast! Stay back!

*townspeople approach*

[drider runs]

[townspeople shout]

{normally}

Run quickly, drider! We have the gold, we just need to put some distance between us and them. I’m sure that will be easy for you, yes?

[drider run stops]

{worried}

Blast! The cliff’s edge. I hadn’t thought about the topology. This might be the end, my drider friend. It was an honor knowing you-

*drider walks*

{sheepish}

Oh… right… Spiders can walk on walls. I may have embarrassed myself a little here. But we got the bounty, and we should be safe from the villagers. I suppose we can be on our way away from the human kingdoms.

{confident}

And if you’ll have me, I will stay by your side throughout the journey. It wouldn’t be just to abandon you.

{playful}

Plus my horse is still in town, so you may be my only ride. I hope you can muster the strength to carry me, at least as far as the next town.

|This banter gets quieter as it’s spoken. Fading to silence to end the script. You don’t need to make it all the way to the last line, just stop wherever.|

No, I’m not doubting your strength, I’m sure you could carry me. If you couldn’t I’d be worried. One as humongous as you, not able to carry a little human? In fact, I think I’ve had enough of your victim act. You and I both know you could trounce me and those villagers if you had really let loose. Don’t try to act all weak! Me? Weak?! I’m the one riding you aren’t I? The mighty drider, nothing but a steed for a knight? Keep talking like that and I won’t let you drink from the trough!

*listener retorts*

Oh yes, I would! Don’t test me eight-legs. I can be quite cruel and tricky if I wanted to be. Remember the sight potion? You fell for it hook, line and sinker! Maybe all that muscle robbed your brain of its might!

​

{[(Any and all voicing of this script is perfectly acceptable. Please credit SplashiestPig and link and works in the comments. I'd love to see what anyone does with this.)]}