I had to get at least one more script in for spooky season, but I haven't had as much spare time to write scripts lately, so here's another classic from my old channel. If you'd like to make some minor changes to fill this as F4A, M4M, F4F, etc, feel free. As always, monetization is fine, please just credit me. Have fun!

My other scripts: AudialArchivist (u/AudialArchivist) - Reddit
My Twitter: Spooky Audie (Script Comms Open) (@AudialArchivist) / Twitter

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Hey, baby! [kiss] How was your day? [---] Hm? Oh, yeah, I took the day off work today to decorate for Halloween. [---] Yeah, I just told my manager I had a cold. So, uh, it’s not super extravagant, but I hung up some black-and-orange streamers, hung some little tissue paper ghosts here and there, carved us a cute little jack’o’lantern over here. I wanted to get more creative than just the standard spooky smiley face, but I didn’t want to do the obvious thing and make it Jason or Michael Myers, so it’s a gremlin. You like it?

[---] Baby, do you mean to imply you *don’t* love Halloween? [---] More of a Christmas person, huh? I mean, Christmas is good, too. But I’m not so crazy about the awkward gatherings with extended family you almost never see otherwise, the massive turkey dinners that won’t possibly get eaten, so a bunch of food always gets wasted, you know what I mean? [---] Okay, I’m glad that’s not just me being a hermit. On Halloween, you can just meet up with some friends, dress up like goofballs, eat candy, and watch horror movies. Much more my scene.

Oh, I picked up stuff for my costume today, as well! You wanna see? [---] Okay, come into the bedroom. [beat] Now, it’s a bit minimalist, moreso than I’d actually like. But due to the vile blight sweeping the land, a lot of what I needed I’d have to order online, and October could be over by the time they get here. I think you’ll like it, though. [bag rustling]

I’ve got some face paint here, and some cat ears and a tail, which I’ve slightly modified with some fake hair to make them fluffier and bigger, and some fangs. It’s a low budget werewolf! [---] Yeah, I know, I wanted to go a lot further out, I was gonna order a mask and stuff to make a full suit and everything. [---] No, I wasn’t gonna make a fursuit! [cracking up a little] Babe, I’m serious, it was gonna be a really scary werewolf costume. [---] A cute anime werewolf, huh? [pretend growl] You’re lucky I love you. Otherwise I might take a bite out of your pretty face.

Any idea what you’re going to be? [---] Oh yeah? I’m excited to hear this. [---] Sorry, what is it? [---] Babe, I think I’m rubbing off on you. I have never heard of that. Not that I’m anyone to judge for liking obscure stuff, of course. That’s part of the fun of dressing up, you know? The anticipation, the surprise.

Speaking of which, I did tell you about my personal Halloween tradition yet? [---] I haven’t? Oh man. That’s kind of awkward, considering it’s Halloween night tonight. Sorry, babe, I’ve guess I’ve still been kind of distracted lately. Okay, so… it’s not going to surprise you at all. In fact, I’ve already kind of spoiled it for you. [---] Yeah, it’s a spooky movie night. [---] [giggle] No, you don’t win a prize for that. I could have asked you what color a pumpkin is and it would have been less obvious.

To be more specific, we pick three movies. A horror classic, a well-regarded modern horror film, and some weird shit none of us have seen yet. However, since this is our first Halloween together, I thought it might be nice if just we chose. Also because, you know, can’t really do big gatherings right now. But it could also be a good date night! What do you say? [---] Great! Okay, let’s go over to the movie pit. [---] The movie pit. The dresser where I keep my blu-ray collection. [---] Okay, come on, I know I’ve told you about this. [---] See, I knew you were teasing me. You’re getting closer to that bite, buddy.

First of all, we pick our classic. And no, we can’t watch Halloween. Let’s try to get a little creative. Unless we’re talking about Halloween 3, because that one doesn’t get enough love. How about… [sorting through movies] Prince of Darkness? [---] Pumpkinhead? [---] Evil Dead? I dunno, that’s also kinda obvious, don’t you think? [---] *New* Evil Dead? [---] Better than the original. Hm. See, in this case, that’s a hard call to make. Like, the new one has a lot more money behind it and is a lot more polished, but the original is so creative.

It’s such a perfect example of DIY filmmaking, like, you’re almost glad they didn’t have more resources and expertise to work with, because having to get over those hurdles drove them to come up with so much insane stuff. No amount of money can produce that kind of charm. Don’t get me wrong, as far as remakes go, new Evil Dead is definitely one of the better ones. The atmosphere and carnage and effects were all spot on. I liked how it wasn’t too slavishly devoted to the source material, as well, they tried to tell their own story. The easy thing to do would have just been to stealth-remake the second movie, because let’s be honest, that’s probably the first thing everyone thinks of when…

[---] Wait, you haven’t seen Evil Dead 2? [---] Okay, I’m gonna bend the rules a bit here. That’s normally way too obvious a pick for the classic, but this is major gap in your Halloween experience that needs to be filled. So, Evil Dead 2 is gonna be is gonna be our classic. Now for the modern movie. [---] Yeah, I’ve got The Lighthouse. [---] You haven’t seen that, either? [---] Aw, come on, Twilight was a long time ago. Robert Pattinson is a really great actor, and, as much as I can’t relate to complaining about a job that pays in the millions, the constant shade he threw on those movies even while he was in them was just great. You’ll like The Lighthouse. It’s basically Edgar Allan Poe’s Maritime Gay Panic: The Movie.

[---] See, that’s part of what’s cool about it. I thought it was gonna be another Lovecraft-inspired movie as well, but it’s a lot more like Poe. Not that there would’ve been anything… *inherently* wrong with another wannabe Lovecraft movie, it’s just nice to see some love for another iconic writer of the macabre. [---] Oh my god, Stephen King becoming his own genre? Kingian fiction? Wait… I mean, hasn’t that kind of already happened? That’s basically what Stranger Things started as, wasn’t it?

So, The Lighthouse? [---] Okay, Evil Dead 2, Lighthouse… Oh wow, this is already gonna be a rollercoaster. Now for the last part, and one of the most dangerous crapshoots you’ll likely ever take. Now we go into a streaming service, and find some random movie we’ve never heard of to cap it all off. Sometimes you get a hidden gem. Sometimes you find some college kid’s art film where they throw every trick they learned in film school at the camera and sees what sticks. Let’s get the laptop out… And let’s go into the horror section, and see what we have.

Hm… What about this one? The Sowing. Check this out… “A day in the corn maze turns deadly for a group of tourists as a pagan blood ritual begins.” And there’s a sign in the preview image saying Samhain. You wanna bet they pronounce it as “Sam-Hain”? [---] You’re googling it? [---] Oh, it’s a slasher movie? [---] Okay, the killer looks kinda cool. I dig the goat skull as a mask. [---] Yeah, a slasher movie set in a corn maze does sound fun. Hm… That review score there doesn’t look good, let’s take a quick look at that. [---] Aw man, everyone’s saying it’s really boring. They don’t even show any of the kills? A slasher movie where they don’t show the kills, isn’t that illegal? How are we supposed to safely indulge in our innate primal bloodlust if we don’t see gratuitous pretend violence? [---] Yeah, I agree, let’s keep looking.

Hey, what about that one? The one with the Ouija board nailed to the wall in… What is that, a public bathroom? Yo, is this a movie about summoning demons in a Wal-Mart bathroom? [---] The Mall. “Urban explorers investigate a closed-down shopping mall, only to find that hostile spirits have taken up residence within.” That actually sounds cool. [---] Totally, there’s not enough movies about urbex going wrong. It’s a really underexplored idea for horror fiction, I think. [---] Come on, you know I intended that pun. But seriously, you know that closed mall we drive by sometimes? That place has been abandoned for years, anything could be in there now. Let’s google it. [---] The reviews are… okay. Looks like it might be another dull one. That’s a shame, the premise actually sounds neat. What do you think? [---] Yeah, maybe not now. Back to browsing.

[---] What the hell? [---] [laugh] Yeah, that one. Pantomime. “A college sophomore begins studying the occult, and finds herself stalked by a demonic mime.” Okay, babe, I’m sorry, I *have* to see the evil mime movie. [---] Nope, don’t google it. No reviews, no trailer, don’t spoil this for me, I need to experience this for myself. *Please*, can we watch the evil mime? [---] Oh my god, thank you. So, Evil Dead 2, The Lighthouse, and Pantomime. This is gonna be an interesting night. Now, I’ve got some popcorn and candy, and we still have some of that whiskey left over. We just need to get our costumes on and we can start. Sound good? [---] Okay, great! I’ll be right back, it’s just going to take me a little while to do the face paint.

[time skip]

Babe? You ready? [---] Oh, wow. Hey, uh, I’m looking for my partner, they look a bit like you, but uh… [laugh] I know, it’s a really good costume, baby. That’s what I’m saying. How’s mine? [---] No, I’m not gonna awoo for you! It wasn’t supposed to be an anime werewolf! [exaggerated sigh] Okay, I guess I’m a little cute. Because you said so. Now, I see you’ve got everything ready to go here. There’s even some comfy blankets on the couch, good thinking. I’m ready to start when you are. [fabric shift] Then get down here. The soothing tones of Bruce Campbell’s insane laughter await us.

Hm? [---] You need something else? Alright, what is it? [---] You need me to awoo. Yeah, no. Gimme the remote. [trying to get it] Come on, give it here, hey, come on! Baby! [laugh] Okay, fine. You have no idea how lucky you are that I love you. You’re never gonna tell anyone about this. This is just between us, got it? [---] Alright, here we go…

[kiss]

That was me taking a bite out of your pretty face, just like I said I would if you kept being a little shit. [---] If you continue to be a little shit? Well, then, I might have to take more than a bite. But! We haven’t even started the first movie yet, and I still wanna see the evil mime. So don’t push your luck too fast. Happy Halloween.