Summary: Desperate for some decent sleep, you decide to book an appointment at a magical sleep clinic. As you check in, you’re surprised to discover your vampire friend working there. They help prepare you for your stay, their sassy-yet-caring nature putting you at ease. Finally, when you’re almost ready, they have one last offer—if you need help falling asleep, they may have just the thing to help with that.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Have some vampire friendship while I work on my next series! This script is pretty different than my other stuff, but hey, it's always good to try something new. I was inspired by irl sleep studies, though I’ve personally never done one. As such, things definitely won't be 100% accurate to real life, lol. Enjoy!

CW: clinic/hospital setting and elements; discussion of unhealthy sleep habits; asking personal questions; mention of medication; consensual hypnosis

Usage:

• OK to record & monetize, as long as you give me credit in the video/audio description as the scriptwriter! I would also love to listen to the recording when it’s done–please send me the link on Reddit! Paywalling is okay; however, if you paywall, you must make it possible for me to listen to the finished product.
• Gender-flipping and small tweaks are okay (e.g., changing pronouns, leaving out/changing curse words), but no large edits are permitted. You may not adapt my scripts.
• Feel free to use music or insert sound effects if you’d like. Any sound effects given are suggestions–use at your discretion. *Sound effects in bold, set apart by asterisks\*
• Any dialogue or reactions given by the Listener are purely for the benefit of the VA, to help them feel like they have something to respond to while they’re acting. Listener reactions in italics.
• Please let me know if you have any questions!

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\sigh** Alright…next! (giving the standard greeting) Hi; welcome to the Requiem Sleep Clinic, the number one place for a magical night’s rest. How can I—?

The vampire suddenly recognizes the Listener.

\surprised noise** No way. Oh my gosh! What are you doing here???

[...]

(delighted) You're kidding me. You mean, you're my 10pm!? Seriously!? Oh, thank god! I was about to die of boredom.

[...]

Me? Uh…I’m working. What, the scrubs don’t give it away?

[...]

Oh, hey; thanks! Yeah, I thought the dog pattern was cute. Look; they’ve even got little food bowls!

[...]

(playful; sarcastic) What, vampires can't wear cute stuff? What did you expect? Bats? Coffins? Little chibi droplets of blood? Or maybe I’ll forego the scrubs entirely and just wear a giant black cloak.

[...]

(playful; teasing) Hey, you started it. Come on, though. Is it really that surprising that I'm here? I’m already awake at night. Just because I don’t need to sleep, it doesn’t mean I can’t help others do it. Besides, the job market is freaking awful right now. I doubt I could find something else, even if I tried. But anyway—you don’t wanna hear about all that. (back to business) So—you’re here to get some sleep? Have you been having problems?

[...]

Oh, shoot. Well, don’t worry—you’ve come to the right place. Let me just get you checked in. One sec…

\clicking of a computer mouse/typing, which continue through the following lines\**

Did you fill out the consent forms online?

[...]

Okay, great. Saves me a lot of trouble. You have your insurance card?

[...]

\frustrated sigh** Dammit. Well, okay. In that case—

[...]

Wha—? Just kidding??? Aaargh—you a**! I swear, every time I see you, you shave another ten years off my life.

[...]

Yeah, I’m immortal. Your point?

\hits a final couple of keys on the keyboard\**

Okay, there we go. You’re all set. (over their shoulder, to another character) Hey, Sasha? Can you take the front for a while?...I know, I know. Please? I’ll make it up to you at some point, I promise. This is a special case.*..*Thanks. I owe you one. (To the Listener) Alright. Follow me—I’ll show you to your room.

[...]

Hmm? Oh, Sasha? Nah, she’s a Siren. You should hear her voice—it’s freaking amazing. We always find excuses to walk by her door whenever she’s singing to a patient. (reaches the correct door) Alright—here we are.

\door opening\**

\chuckle** I know, right? Pretty nice for a clinic. We just got new mattresses last week—all our patients have been raving about them. Speaking of other patients, you don’t have to worry about sharing a room—it’s all yours. There’s a private bathroom, too, right through that door. I’ll give you some pajamas to change into in a sec, but first, can I ask you a couple of questions? The more we know, the easier it’ll be for us to help you sleep. Plus, maybe I can even help you figure out what’s going on.

[...]

Great. Let me just grab my clipboard.

[...]

\chuckle** What can I say? Two-hundred-year-old habits die hard.

\click of a pen\**

Okay, so, first…tell me more about your symptoms. How long have you had them?

\scribbling\**

...Okay. What time do you usually go to bed? I swear, if you say anything later than midnight, I’m gonna smack you with that pillow over there.

[...]

…You plead the fifth? \sigh** Great. When you do eventually get to bed, do you have trouble falling asleep?

[...]

Ehh, within about 15 or 20 minutes is the norm. Does it take you longer than that?

\scribbling\**

Okay. Do you find yourself waking up during the night? If so, how often?

[...]

Hmm. Do you know why you’re waking up? Shortness of breath, talking in your sleep; anything like that?

[...]

...Alright.

\scribbling\**

I probably don’t even need to ask this, but, is it hard for you to get up in the morning? (playful teasing) Or, in your case, maybe “afternoon” would be more appropriate?

[...]

Wow, okay, rude. I’ll have you know that I got up at the crack of dusk today. What time did you get up?

[...]

(playful teasing) Uh-huh; sure. Whatever you say. (gentle; serious) Seriously, though, you know I’m just messing with you, right? I’m not here to judge. Even if you think your answers sound “bad”, you don’t have to try and doctor them up, no pun intended. We’re here to help, no matter what.

[...]

Yeah, of course. (looks down at their paper) Uhhh, shoot, hang on—I lost my place. Oh, there we go. What kind of an impact is all this having on your energy level? Are you tired during the day?

[...]

(sympathetic) Yeah, I kinda figured. Is it hard to find the energy to perform daily tasks?

[...]

Damn…I’m sorry. That sounds miserable. Don’t worry, though—I promise, we’ll do our best to finally try and get you some good rest.

\scribbling\**

Alright—we’re almost done. Are you taking any medication at the moment?

[...]

Okay, gotcha. And how much caffeine do you drink on a daily basis? Coffee, energy drinks; stuff like that?

[...]

(shock) I’m sorry, what!?!

[...]

Ooooo-kay. Wow. That’s, uh…good to know.

[...]

No, no; I’m not judging you. I’m just…surprised. If I’d had that much, I’d be vibrating like jell-o in an earthquake. You must be made of stronger stuff than me. Well, anyway. Anything else you think I should know? Sleepwalking, nightmares, a history of insomnia in your family?

\scribbling\**

…Okay. In that case, we’re all set. Here are your pajamas. No cute dog pattern on these, alas, but they’re still pretty comfy. I’ll wait here while you change.

\door opening and closing\**

Pause.

\door opening and closing\**

Wow. Dammit, how do you manage to make even clinic pajamas look good??? Talk about unfair. Do you still like sleeping with extra pillows?

[...]

Okay. I got you a couple extras, just in case. You ready?

The Listener nods.

Great. Just a couple more things. You see this button right here? That’s the call button. I’ll check on you from time to time, but if at any point you need me during the night, just hit that button, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.

[...]

Yeah; you can call me for anything. I won’t be far.

[...]

What? Snacks???

[...]

(resigned) *sigh* …*Technically, yes; I guess “anything” does include snacks. Hopefully, though, it won’t come to that. Hopefully, you’ll sleep through the night, and I’ll be able to actually focus on my work instead of bringing you waffles at 3am.

[...]

Wait, what? Are you going to be a snack? What do you mean?

[...]

\snorts** With the amount of caffeine in your veins? Not likely. One mouthful would probably be like five Monster drinks. Not that you don’t smell pretty damn good…I ran out the door so fast this evening, I didn’t have time for breakfast. But, either way, feeding on patients is strictly forbidden. Now, come on. Get your a** in bed. Is there anything else you need?

[...]

One last thing. Um…if you’re worried you might have trouble falling asleep…I could always put you to sleep, if you’d like. Most of us here at the clinic have some sort of special ability to help with that. You know, Sasha sings; Clive the Satyr plays his pipes. And me, well, I’ve got my hypnosis. If you want, I’d be happy to put you under. But, if it’s too weird, we don’t—

[...]

Are you sure? I can always go find someone else, if you’d rather.

[...]

Okay; if you’re sure.

[...]

Yeah, no problem. I got you. Okay—just lie back; get yourself comfortable.

[...]

Alright. Start by taking a deep breath in, and out. Good. In…and out. In…and out. Slow, and deep. Keep breathing deeply, in and out, as you look into my eyes. Keep looking...that's it. All you need to do is to keep looking into my eyes. See their gentle glow, warm and soft, like a candle flame. Let them wrap you in their warmth. So soft, so comforting. Let yourself sink into it. Just staring, sinking, as everything else fades away. No more cares….no more worries…only my eyes, and my voice. That’s it. Listen to my voice. The more you listen, the deeper you sink. Just listening. You’ve been carrying so much lately...so many heavy burdens. Let my voice wash them all away. Feel them lifting off your shoulders. It’s alright—just let them go. Let them float away, leaving only peace, and calmness. Yes...just let go, and sink. Good. Sinking down, deeper, and deeper. You’re starting to feel tired, aren't you? You can feel sleep tugging at your mind, like a curtain ready to close. Your eyes are so heavy…you can barely keep them open. It’s alright—you don’t have to force them to stay open. Just let them close. It’s okay—you’re safe here with me. It’s okay to let go. I'll take care of everything. Just close your eyes. Close your eyes, and let yourself sink. Yes...that’s it. Sinking down into sleep…deep, peaceful sleep. Good. Just sleep...sleep…sleep.