Notes: This script is okay for monetization. Can be used on Patreon, just let me know if you do. If you use it, please give credit. You can change pronouns if preferred but otherwise please don't edit the script. My scripts are meant for adult audiences and all characters are 18 . For clarification on the format of the script, any place that says (Pause) is a place for the Listener's response. Anything in \asterisks and italics** isn't meant to be read aloud, it's there to either hint at the tone or provide context that might help the script make more sense.

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Summary: Cupid - Narrator - is pretty annoyed that Listener isn't giving themself the self love that they should, so they decide to knock some sense into Listener.

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Word Count: Approximately 647 words (Not including any actions or cues left in asterisks and italics)

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Writer’s Notes: A short, funny little script that I wanted to do for Valentine's day. It's shorter than my usual, but for this idea, I feel like that was bound to happen. Still, it it was pretty fun and I hope y'all enjoy!

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Script Below:

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\Listener watches another romcom with glazed eyes, tired and bored by the predictable storyline. Yet still, they watch another one, unable to think of any other way they’d rather spend their time. Suddenly, they hear a sound next to them, like bell jingling, and then an exasperated sigh.**

\Mildly annoyed** “Okay, that’s it, I can’t deal with it anymore. I just can’t.”

(Pause)

“‘Who am I?’ Uh, I think that should be obvious, sweetheart. Look at the feathery wings and the heart-shaped arrows, and take a guess.”

(Pause)

\Sarcastic* “Ha-ha, funny! You’re so funny, the absolute funniest ever! I’m dying of laughter over here!”

(Pause)

“No, smartass, not an angel. Angels don’t usually have heart shaped arrows, as far as I know. I’m cupid, nice to meet you.”

(Pause)

“Yeah, no need. I already know who you are. And that’s exactly why I’m here.”

(Pause)

“Mhm, I know you way too well. You’ve been a personal project of mine for a while now, and while I’ve seen people like you in the past, you are far and away the most stubborn piece of work that I’ve ever come across.”

(Pause)

“Oh, believe me, sweetheart, you definitely are. I’ve seen every kind of person - from the playboy who is just dating around because he’s scared of being vulnerable, to the yandere stalker who can’t get over her first crush. I’ve had to set a lot of people right on what the word ‘love’ means, but you’re giving me hell with trying to teach you what it is! You just refuse to learn!”

(Pause)

\Confused** “Huh? What do you mean?”

(Pause)

“Oh, no! I don’t mean love in that sense - I mean that you need to learn self love!”

(Pause)

“Uh, yeah, obviously. I said it and I meant it. You need to learn the meaning of self love and self care or so help me, I will lose my mind.”

(Pause)

“Letting yourself have a cookie every once in a while is not self love. Especially when you feel guilty afterwards, which you shouldn’t!”

(Pause)

\Insistent** “Well it’s things like having good thoughts about yourself, and doing things that you enjoy or that will help you improve yourself! Self love is caring for yourself and knowing when you need a break, but also knowing when you need to push yourself to do something because it will help you out later. It’s taking care of yourself and loving yourself like no one else can. It’s important, sweetheart!”

(Pause)

\Baffled, mildly annoyed** “You- I can’t believe you. You say you know what ‘self care’ is, so then why aren’t you doing it?!”

(Pause)

“‘Don’t deserve it?’ ‘Don’t deserve it?’”

\Narrator groans, a sound of anger and frustration.**

\Arguing** “Why? Why don’t you deserve it?”

(Pause)

“Okay, then a lot of people on this earth don’t deserve it, either.”

(Pause)

“So your logic is that you, and only you, are the single person on this earth that doesn’t deserve to love yourself?”

\Listener says yes, and Narrator groans.**

“You are seriously gonna make my brain explode. It’s just gonna pop like a balloon. But at least then I won’t have to try and work with your terrible and completely flawed logic.”

\Narrator sighs.**

“Alright, change of plans. I’m done trying to explain why self care and loving yourself is important, because you already know that. So here’s the new plan. You are going to love yourself whether you want to or not, and that’s an order. No, actually, it’s a threat. I’m threatening you that you better damn well love yourself because you deserve it, and because I’m going to actually lose my mind if you don’t. Got it?”

(Pause)

“Ah, no arguing. Like I said, this is a threat. No, I'm threatening you that you better turn off these shitty movies, get yourself a snack, and watch something that’ll make you happy. Hell, pick up one of your hobbies or something, I don’t care! Just do something that’ll make you happy, for fuck’s sake. Just quit doing something that you don’t like and start doing something that you’ll actually enjoy!”

(Pause)

“Damn right you are! And you’re going to enjoy every second!”

(Pause)

“Okay, now I’ve got to go make some people fall in love, but when I get back, you better be loving yourself, or the consequences will be dire, you understand me?”

(Pause)

“Good! Then hop to it, sweetheart!”

\There’s a sound like bells jingling again and Narrator is gone. The audio ends here.**