Notes: This script is okay for monetization. Can be used on Patreon, just let me know if you do. If you use it, please give credit. You can change pronouns if preferred but otherwise please don't edit the script. My scripts are meant for adult audiences and all characters are 18 . For clarification on the format of the script, any place that says (Pause) is a place for the Listener's response. Anything in \asterisks and italics** isn't meant to be read aloud, it's there to either hint at the tone or provide context that might help the script make more sense.

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Summary: As their cousin's wedding draws closer, Narrator is tired of being hounded by their family to find a significant other. In a fit of brilliancy, stupidity or both they realize that they have a perfect solution - pretend to date their best friend.

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Word Count: Approximately 1,192 words (Not including any actions or cues left in asterisks and italics)

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Writer’s Notes: I'm a few minutes late, but I swear I'm keeping up with my challenge! That being said, enjoy this short, cute little scripts with one of my favorite tropes - fake dating!

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Script Below:

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\It’s a calm, laid back afternoon, and Narrator and Listener are hanging out at Listener’s apartment. The TV is on in the background, mainly for the white noise, and they’re scrolling through their phones. After a few moments, Narrator groans, grabbing Listener’s attention.**

\Annoyed** “Oh my god. How many times do I have to see pictures of my cousin and her new fiance before my brain explodes?”

(Pause)

“Seriously, they’re everywhere! Every single app I open, there’s a new picture of them being all cute and in love.”

(Pause)

“I’m not exaggerating though, that’s the problem! They’re everywhere! Facebook? There’s a picture of them on a date. Instagram? A picture of her dream wedding dress. Twitter? A post about how happy they are to have found each other. I could open like, Candy Crush or something, and they’d probably be there too.”

(Pause)

“No, I don’t mean it like that. She seems happy, and I’m happy for her, it’s everyone else in our family that is getting on my nerves. They keep sending me links to her posts and pointing out that-”

\Mocking/exaggerated** “‘Oh, your cousin is so happy with her relationship, they’re so cute together! They’re wedding is going to be beautiful! Why don’t you have someone in your life like that? You need to go out more and meet someone!’”

\Narrator groans.**

“It’s so annoying! And it’s been going on for months now! Months!”

\Narrator sighs exaggeratedly.**

“I swear, I’m on the brink of madness. Complete and utter madness, you hear me?”

(Pause)

\Amused, joking** “Hey, quit laughing at me! I’m being serious! I’m gonna be driven to despair from my family’s demands to find a suitable partner! My life is turning into a historical drama, and I don’t even get the fancy clothes or anything!”

\Narrator laughs.**

“Alright, fine. Maybe that was a little overdramatic, but only a little. Really though, it’s been almost nonstop. Look at all of these texts I’ve gotten!”

\Narrator opens their phone, showing Listener the amount of texts they’ve received.**

“Exactly! I literally get at least three people a day texting me about it. And don’t even get me started on the way they tag me in all of my cousin’s posts. She actually called me about it and asked why everyone in our family keeps doing it. She just laughed at me and said ‘good luck.’”

(Pause)

“Yeah, I know. Apparently before me, she was the one getting annoyed by our family about ‘finding someone.’ She said it was especially bad because her older brother had gotten married right after her boyfriend broke up with her.”

(Pause)

“I know, right? I’d feel bad for her, but she’s the one getting married and I’m the one who has to deal with my grandma asking about ‘the cutie in the picture I just posted on the Instabook.’”

(Pause)

“Yeah, she means Instagram, but every time we try to tell her that, she just forgets. So ‘Instabook’ it is.”

(Pause)

“Huh? Oh, it was actually a picture of you and me. You remember when we went to the fair downtown and were messing around with those bubble machines? I posted the pictures to Instagram, and now apparently my grandma thinks we're dating. Also my grandpa, but that’s mainly because he doesn’t have any social media, so he’s just taking my grandma’s word for it.”

\Narrator laughs for a moment before having a sudden realization and suddenly sitting up.**

\Excited** “Hold on! That would be perfect!”

(Pause)

“No, I mean if you and I were dating!”

(Pause)

“Wait, listen, you gotta hear me out! C;mon! This is a great idea!”

(Pause)

“Think about it - I need my family to get off my back about dating someone, and some of them already think we’re dating. So if I were to just be like, ‘hey, surprise, I actually am dating them!’ then they’d finally leave me alone! It’s perfect!”

(Pause)

\Playful, joking** “What do you mean ‘what’s in it for you?’ Helping out your best friend in the entire world, that’s what! My gratitude should be enough of a reward.”

(Pause)

“Ugh, fine. I guess… If I say we’re dating, then I can bring you to my cousin’s wedding and you can have some of the cake. How’s that sound?”

(Pause)

“What if I tell you that there’s also gonna be a buffet?”

(Pause)

“Ha! I knew that would get you! Let’s shake on it.”

\Narrator and Listener shake hands.**

“It’s a done deal then. Now, how should I tell them…”

*Pause)

“Yeah? You think that will work? Just a picture of us together?”

(Pause)

“True, that would probably be the quickest way to do it. Not to mention that it would be some kind of poetic justice or whatever.”

(Pause)

“Alright, then what kind of picture were you thinking? Like, what’s gonna make us look like a real couple? Because I don’t think a picture of us just hanging out and watching TV while we’re on our phones is the best way to do it.”

(Pause)

“Yeah? Just on the cheek, right? And I’ll just take a selfie of us?”

(Pause)

“Okay, then come over here, get closer to me. We both need to be in the picture if we want this to work.”

\Narrator laughs as they sit closer together.**

“Alright, now lean your face closer so I can kiss your cheek.”

(Pause)

“Hey, quit laughing! If we want to make this look convincing, then we have to look like we’re in love.”

(Pause)

“Whatever, just smile and let me kiss you.”

\Narrator kisses Listener’s cheek and takes a selfie of both of them.**

“Ha, got it! Oh wait, I wasn’t holding the camera right. Let me try again.”

\Narrator tries again, kissing Listener and taking a selfie.**

“There- Wait, no, that one’s kinda blurry. Let’s try that one more time.”

\Narrator tries one more time, kissing Listener and taking a selfie.**

“Perfect! That one looks fantastic!”

\Narrator laughs happily.**

“Aww, look at us! We look so cute together!”

(Pause)

“We really do, don’t we? Like, this picture looks so real! Hell, I’m convinced that we’re together! You look so happy and your smile is so cute, it’s impossible to think that we’re not together after seeing this!”

(Pause)

\Playful/joking** “Why, thank you! I think that I look rather adorable as well.”

(Pause)

“Okay, now let me just post this real quick… Aaand done! Posted!”

\Narrator laughs.**

“Oh my god, this is going to be amazing. I can’t wait to see what everyone says! Better yet, I can’t wait to see everyone have to eat their words! They all keep talking about how I need to find my ‘perfect other half,’ but the joke’s on them - I’ve already got you right here next to me.”

(Pause)

“Well yeah, of course I do. You’ve always been my perfect match.”

\Realizing what they’ve said, Narrator clears their throat in attempt to clear up their suddenly flustered thoughts.**

\Flustered** “I mean, we’ve practically been friends forever, obviously we’re each other’s other half. We’re like a dynamic duo or something - we complete each other! I mean, you know, not like that, but it’s like- You know what I mean.”

\Narrator laughs, embarrassed. But before Listener has a chance to say anything, Narrator notices their phone.**

\Surprised** “Wait a second. Holy shit, look at this. I just posted the picture a minute ago! Look at how many comments it has already!”

(Pause)

“I know, that’s crazy! Oh fuck. And now everyone is texting me. And grandma left me a voicemail.”

\Narrator sighs.**

\A bit amused, joking** “I feel like I may not have thought about the downsides of this plan before going through with it. I’m about to be completely and utterly drowned in calls and texts from my entire family. But hey, at least I have the best fake-partner ever to get through it with.”

\Narrator laughs.**

“Oh hey, my cousin just texted! She says ‘congratulations, and welcome to the family.’”

(Pause)

“I know, that’s super sweet of her. Oh hey, she also says that if one of us catches the bouquet, she’ll give us both two pieces of cake.”

\Narrator laughs.**

“I mean, I’m game if your game.”

(Pause)

“Perfect! Then here’s to us and our successful partnership! May it bring us much cake in the future.”

\Narrator laughs and the audio ends.**