Part 1

Context: You didn't mean to finish a fight but it seems like all you can do.

Setting: Home/The Office

Tags:[M4F][Established Relationship][Lovers to Exes][Remorseful Ex- Boyfriend Speaker][Shutdown Ex-Girlfriend Listener][HARD Angst][Fight/Argument][Too Far][Family Drama][Surreal][Grey Rocking][CW: Mentions of Abuse/Neglect/PTSD][TW: Breakup]

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[Scene opens back at home]

[SFX: Quiet cooking/cleaning]

[You’re already long up by the time he blearily sits up on the couch]

“Mmh… Oh! Baby… You’re up already…”

[Pause.]

[He pauses, bewildered and worried]

“...Thank you… But, you didn’t have to make me breakfast.”

[Pause.]

“...Honey, we really need to talk about last night… Listen, you didn’t deserve that, I… I know you, of all people, aren’t the sort to throw pity parties, that wasn’t fair…”

[Pause.]

“Wh-? You’re apologizing for upsetting me?? I mean, OK, I got frustrated, but it feels like… I dunno, we’re coming at this wrong…?”

[Pause.]

“Well… no, I don’t… I don’t think getting married is important, no.”

[Pause.]

[He blinks, almost seeming… offended?]

“... ‘That’s that, then’. So now you don’t want to marry me?”

[Pause.]

[He deflates, picking at his food]

“... What you want isn’t ‘irrelevant’, I… I thought a lot about last night and I do want to apologize… You bringing it up wasn’t invalid, and I shouldn’t be championing my Mom as much as I do, especially considering there was a time in college when she disowned me… You brought us back together though, somehow…”

[Pause.]

“Baby… Can you PLEASE talk to me?! You’re talking in this monotone voice, you’re barely acknowledging me, and you look like you didn’t sleep at all!”

[...Pause.]

[You calmly explain things to him and see him go pale]

“...You always shut down when your PTSD gets bad but know how to handle it? I… I didn’t even know you had PTSD… You never mentioned it.”

[Pause.]

[He smiles a little, though it’s sad]

“...Yeah, I bet you are used to handling it yourself… You’re a tough little thing. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

[Pause?]

“Wh-? No, not that you can take a beating! That you’re tough! Sheesh… That was almost a smile, by the way. I saw that…”

[Pause…]

[It’s still hard not to just smile at him. You keep cleaning up while he picks at his food, not paying him much mind. You won’t survive this if you do]

“Hey...Are… Are you going to come to the award show tonight? Fifth anniversary of us opening our business together and all…It’ll be good practice for your award ceremony, eh?”

[Pause.]

[He deflates further]

“Right, I didn’t…. I didn’t ever give you a final approval on which dress I liked…”

[Pause.]

“Yes, I did say they all looked… Look, whatever you show up in, you’ll be stunning, OK? What I think doesn’t matter. I just want my partner there, OK?”

[Pause.]

[He stops, reaches out, and gently grasps your hands in his]

“Baby, please! Just… Just sit down with me and talk for a second, OK? This is scaring me, I… I don’t feel like we’re good, right now, and I don’t want you being upset all day. If you want me to take the day off, I can, OK?”

[. . .]

[Why now?]

[Pause…]

[He exhales in relief as you sit with him]

“Thank you… Please, I never meant to yell at you, I promise. I just got frustrated and it all came rushing out at once and then I saw you shaking, crying, and in pain and it scared the Hell out of me! I’ve… I’ve never seen you have a panic attack like that…”

[Pause…]

“You normally deal with them alone?! Sweetie! I would’ve helped you if you’d just told me!”

[Pause.]

[He sighs, rubbing his temples for a moment]

“OK… OK, we have a lot more to talk about than I thought… Why didn’t you tell me…? We’ve been together nearly a decade!”

[Pause.]

“... Are we OK…?”

[. . .]

[He eases as you rest a hand on top of his head and gently stroke his hair]

“...You’re stroking my hair, now, so you can’t hate me too much… Are you sure you don’t want me to take the day off?”

[Pause.]

“...Yeah… We can talk about it after the award ceremony… Will you at least meet me there? I don’t care what you wear, I just want my partner at my side, OK?”

[. . . ]

[Pause]

[He exhales in relief and kisses your forehead. You feel nothing]

“Thank you. I do need to get going, but I’ll see you tonight, after work, right?”

[Pause.]

[He wavers a bit at your persistent monotone nature but nods]

“Right. Love you, sweetheart. Hope you have a good day…”

[SFX: Him getting read in the BG/or leaving - VA’s preference]

[Fade Out]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POV / Location Shift - His Office

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Scene re-opens in his office]

[SFX: General office ambiance - later afternoon]

[He sits at his desk, typing on occasion, but mostly frowning at the various clocks around the room]

“Mmh… She’s been silent all day… She didn’t want me to come home for lunch, she didn’t sign for the flowers I sent…”

[Pause]

[He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs through his nose]

“...She’ll show up. She’ll show up and she’ll see all of these people that love and respect her, get to drink the finest, eat the finest, and then…”

[SFX: A desk drawer opening/a ring box being fiddled with]

[He sighs, fiddling with a velvet ring box and the very nice ring inside]

“...This is the ring she loved… She’s right, what does it fucking matter? If she wants a husband… she deserves a husband. I don’t know why I was so scared… I know exactly what I’ll tell her the second I kneel and open the-”.

[SFX: An email notification, of some sort. Maybe not Outlook though. Fuck Outlook]

“Oh, that’s her email notif!”

[SFX: Hurried typing]

[He brings up your email with a big smile. Said smile doesn’t last long as he reads your note out loud:]

“What is… What is this…?”

[Pause]

“Hey, you...If you’re reading this, I’ve probably gone already or am packing up. I’m sorry to do this via an e-mail. I’d have left nothing but… I felt bad about potentially making you worry. The point is, I’m going away for a while to give you whatever space you need. I type that, and it sounds wrong, honestly. Sorry. I’m not coming back.”

[Pause]

[Note: VA is allowed to improv reactions between lines, of course. However you feel this particularly emotionally constipated gent would react to this news is valid]

“I remember, when we met in college, that I fell so hard for you. You were so sweet, brilliant, and funny. I remember you’d send me romantic letters, talking about settling down once we were done with school and established in our careers. Then we were, and the goalpost moved to ‘when we find a place’, ‘when I get this promotion’, and so on… It’s funny. Part of the reason I don’t have a family anymore is my mother told me I’d never find someone who’d love me like that. Like the stepdad that used to hit me when I wasn’t good enough in one way or another. Your screaming in my face reminded me a lot of him. I wish it hadn’t…”

[Pause]

[SFX: Fill with disjointed office noises, if desired]

“Cal taught me this little rhyme about a girl turning into a little grey rock to withstand the tirade of the ocean. How that rock was thrown everywhere but didn’t care because, well, she was a grey rock. But it gave her perspective to see the violence of the ocean versus the innocent things she was being slammed against. I thought it was silly, of course, but when your emotions turn off, all of a sudden, you start to see things in a new light…”

[Pause]

“I paid for your schooling after your mother booted you out because I saw someone with a good heart struggling. I helped you reconnect with her because I fell in love with you. I helped start your business. I helped work at your business and didn’t take a paycheck for several years so you could find equilibrium. I’ve done millions and millions of tiny and huge things for you because I love you, and only ever asked for the honor of being your wife in return. If you had told me then that marriage meant nothing to you, I would have understood. I probably would have swallowed yet another bitter pill that our relationship is so incredibly one-sided at times that it’s honestly embarrassing… and I’m still not good enough to be your wife”

[Pause]

“I don’t want to make you feel like you have to settle anymore, hon. You were right. Your mother isn’t some sanctimonious bitch who hates me. She was trying to warn me that you’d never want to marry me. She told me as much when I called her an hour ago. Scoffed and said, ‘Just like his father’. I told her that was a little mean and she said I was just too hopeful to believe her. Fair enough, I suppose… I thought the man who swore a hundred times I was the one wasn’t lying. The self-improvement and talks were to try and figure out why *you had an issue with me, not your mother. Maybe marriage isn’t important to you now. I just wish you’d tell me what changed. I tried to fix everything on my own but there’s nothing left to fix, right? There never was…”*

[Pause]

“...I guess there’s no real point in dwelling on it, is there? You’re happy where you are, and I’m not. I kept all of my promises, made your meals, cleaned, handled appointments, and worked my own job with minimal complaint, just happy to be close to you. But I can’t pretend anymore… You scared me that night. You showed me you aren’t above abuse if pushed. Whatever I am to you, whether I have a family or not, you hurt me and barely apologized until you saw the full consequences. Even if you wanted to be my family, still, I don’t want to be part of another one that hurts me… And you and your mother hurt me. It’s scary, but… I want a family that will love me as much as I love it. I don’t think I can find that here, with you”

[Pause]

“I’m sending this so you can enjoy the award ceremony without worrying about all of this. I’m not sure what time you’ll get home, but I should be out of your hair by then. I still have some things to pack but I’ll stay out of your way. I made your lunch for tomorrow one last time - it’s not poisoned but I flipped it off, sorry. Even shutting down my emotions isn’t enough to make me hate you”.

“For what it’s worth, I know you won’t have trouble finding someone else. Even when you’re a grump, it’s easy to fall for you… Not loving you is a lot harder.”

[Pause]

“Good luck out there, Stranger.”

[A terrible, drawn-out [Pause]]

[He stares at the screen for a good bit, completely frozen in place. When he does finally react, he grabs his coat and sprints from the office, shouting only one command to his receptionist:]

“I HAVE TO GO! ACCEPT THE STUPID AWARD FOR ME!”

[SFX: A stairwell door opening and slamming shut]

[Fade out on that echo and a bewildered receptionist]

[To be continued?]

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Note: There are three ways I can see this going and all three of them make me a massive dick. But which one makes me a slightly smaller dick? That’s the question…