Summary: You’re laid-up at home after surgery, trying to calculate just how soon you can get up off the couch and back to your regular “hero” routine. Then, without warning, you’re startled by the voice of your nemesis, wondering why you failed to show up to stop their latest scheme. When they hear about your recovery, they take it upon themselves to be your personal caretaker, ignoring your protests. After all, without their dear hero, who would they vanquish?

CW: mention of surgery/recovering from surgery (no gory details, though), taking medicine, use of a sleep ray, pet names, hero-and-villain tropes galore

Usage:

• OK to record & monetize, as long as you give me credit in the video/audio description as the scriptwriter! I would also love to listen to the recording when it’s done–please send me the link on Reddit! Paywalling is okay; however, if you paywall, you must make it possible for me to listen to the finished product.
• Gender-flipping and small tweaks are okay (e.g., changing pronouns, leaving out curse words), but no large edits are permitted.
• Feel free to use music or insert sound effects if you’d like. Any sound effects given are suggestions–use at your discretion. *Sound effects in bold, set apart by asterisks\*
• Any dialogue or reactions given by the Listener are purely for the benefit of the VA, to help them feel like they have something to respond to while they’re acting. Listener reactions in italics.
• Please let me know if you have any questions!

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Good lord, hero! What happened to you!?

The hero jumps, instinctively releasing a punch/bolt of power at the villain.

\zapping noise, or else a whoosh of air as the hero tries and fails to punch the villain\**

Whoa! Oooh, nice try. A little more to the left, and you’d have had me. I suppose there’s always next time.

[...]

Indeed. It's me, In the flesh. So lovely to see you again. As for what I’m doing here, well, do I really need to answer that? Tell me, hero, what do you have to say for yourself?

[...]

How’d I get in? Oh, darling. Even the world’s worst criminal could get past your door. I’ve seen childproof locks on cabinets that are more effective. You’d think the city would spring for some better security, especially for its beloved hero…but anyway! Don’t think you can distract me with questions. Does the phrase “City Hall” ring any bells?

[...]

What do you mean, “what”? You and me?...The unveiling of that frankly hideous new statue?...The Shrink Ray?

The hero suddenly remembers—“Oh, crap!”

Oh, now you remember. At first, I thought you were just running late, but no matter how long I stalled, you never came. It’s not like you to just ditch my schemes. I’d broadcast the day and time every way I could think of—I even hijacked the city’s emergency alert system, which wasn't easy, let me tell you. And yet, when the crucial moment came, you were nowhere to be found.

[...]

(theatric; exaggerated) Well, of course I’m pissed! How was I supposed to know you were laid up on the couch? You could’ve been kidnapped by another villain, or gotten into a car crash en route, or passed out and hit your head! Or a million things!

[...]

What? Worried? (scoffs) Wha—don’t be ridiculous! If anything, it’s my reputation I’m worried about. It’s a bad look when your nemesis doesn’t show up to the final confrontation. I’ve got an image to maintain, after all. So, in the future, just try and let me know ahead of time if you’re—wait, are you sick? Injured?

[...]

Surgery??? Oh, lord. What kind?

[...]

Yikes. Wait, is this—? This isn’t because of me, is it? You know, our little skirmishes?

[...]

Okay, well, that’s good to hear. Still…that sucks. What’s the recovery time supposed to be?

[...]

Ouch. (sarcasm) Bet you were overjoyed to hear that. Are you in pain?

[...]

(fake announcer voice) And the award for “Worst Liar Ever” goes to…my dear hero! (back to their normal voice) Come on. You don’t need to put on a brave face for me. On a scale of 1-10, how bad?

[...]

(sarcasm) Uh-huh. Sure. And I’m the mayor of the city. What’s this? \rattling of a pill bottle\** Is this your medicine?

[...]

I thought so. How often do you have to take it?

[...]

Mmm. In that case, no time like the present. Let me get you some water.

\clinking of a glass, pouring water\**

There we go. Alright—down the hatch.

[...]

I know, I know. I hate pills, too. You can do it.

The Hero reluctantly swallows the pill.

…Good. Take another couple sips for me—you’re looking pretty dehydrated. Now, let’s get you comfortable. The blankets are still in the closet, right? Top shelf?

[...]

What does it look like I’m doing? You really call this a recovery setup? Only one blanket, and a criminal lack of fluffy pillows? Plus, it’s an unwritten rule that one can never fully recover without a good pair of fuzzy socks. You still have that pair I gave you for Christmas, don’t you?

[...]

See, that’s where you’re wrong, hero. Of course I have to. If we don’t get you back on your feet, then tell me, who am I supposed to fight? I’ll straight-up die of boredom if you’re not around to defeat me. (realizes what they just said; hurries to correct themself) I-I mean, if you’re not around for me to defeat!

[...]

No, no. Shut up. You didn’t hear anything.

Suddenly, the Villain sees the Hero trying to stand up.

Wait, wh—? What are you doing? Lie back down!

The Hero protests that they’ve got stuff to do.

(sarcasm) Well, yeah, you’ve got “stuff to do.” It’s called “watching Netflix, playing video games, and sleeping.” You’ve got to rest.

[...]

\shushing noises** Come on, now, darling. No arguing. You know what’s going to happen if you try and push yourself. Lie back down. Or do you want me to use force? I can think of several ways I could help to…persuade you.

[...]

(slightly exasperated) Good lord, it’s a good thing I came. Seriously, hero? Are you really going to try and just go about your business like nothing happened!? You’re recovering. I know you’re used to being on-the-go, all the time. Believe me, I know it’s hard to just let yourself rest. But, I promise, you don’t have to feel guilty about it. You’re not being lazy. And if anyone gives you a hard time, then by all means, send them to me. I’ve got a few new evil gadgets I've been absolutely dying to try out.

[...]

(playful) Of course. Anything for you, my dear hero. Now, lie down and rest. If nothing else, consider it your way of paying me back for ditching me today.

[...]

Oh, on the contrary, darling. Like I said, without my beloved nemesis, who am I supposed to vanquish? Besides, having you right here in front of me, helpless, at my mercy? It seems like a perfect trade to me.

[...]

Hmm...I hadn't thought of it that way, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess it is a bit like being my prisoner. (playful) Does that bother you?

[...]

Oh, really? And just what are you going to do about it?

[...]

\snorts out a laugh** Oh, please. Just look at yourself. You couldn’t fight me, even if you tried. I win by default.

[...]

Shhhhh. Don’t be a sore loser. I promise, you'll enjoy being under my power...at least this time. Now, enough talking. Let’s get you all snug and cozy.

\rustling of blankets/fabric/pillows\**

There we go. Here—let me tuck you in.

\rustling of blankets/fabric/pillows\**

Perfect. When was the last time you ate?

[...]

Mmm. Too long ago, in other words. I’ll send Hal out to grab something. What would you like?

[...]

\chuckle** How did I know you were gonna say that? Consider it done. Now, get some rest, hero. Feel free to sleep, if you’d like—I’ll wake you up when the food’s here.

[...]

…Hmm? Oh, of course. That would explain the shadows under your eyes. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but let’s just say I’m glad I’m your nemesis, and not your makeup artist. Well, you’re in luck—look what I happen to have, right here.

The Villain pulls out their Sleep Ray.

That’s right. My, my; it’s been awhile since you’ve been the victim of my Sleep Ray, hasn’t it? Usually, I only use it for work-related purposes…but, I suppose I could make an exception, just this once.

[...]

\chuckle** Wonderful. Don’t worry—I’ll use the lowest setting. A soft flash of light, and a wave of tiredness—that’ll be all there is to it, I promise.

[...]

Alright, then. Are you comfortable?

[...]

Okay. Ready? Three…two…one…

\soft laser noise\**

\optional sound effect\*—**the villain's voice starts to echo/fade out, as the hero drops off to sleep\*

There we go. Shhh…it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. Just sleep, my dear hero. Yes…close your eyes. That’s it. Sleep, my darling. Sleep, and rest.