Context: You're a kindergarten teacher. Your fiance is the world's great supervillain, reformed ever so slightly under your care. Called 'The Phoenix', he was once hellbent on destroying humanity so the world could be reborn anew. You manage to convince him otherwise and, how, a few years later, you're trying to plan your wedding together. Trying being the keyword.

Setting: The Lab/Home

Tags:[M4F][Established Relationship][Loving Supervillain Fiance Speaker][Stressed Fiance Listener][Villainous Speeches][Flirting][Wholesome][Comfort][Wedding Planning][Alien x Human][CW: Mentions of Genocide/Discrimination/Wedding Dysfunction]

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[Scene opens in a supervillain’s lab]

[Before a professional TV crew, the world’s greatest supervillain stands as he addresses the world’s governments:]

“Greetings, humanity. My apologies for interrupting your various meals this fine day…”

[BGM: Dark, villainous music if desired]

“To the powers that be currently watching… Though you already know you speak with The Phoenix, I shall declare myself as such once more.”

[He brushes his cape to the side, eyes cold as they stare down every major government in the world]

“Ten years ago, I declared that said powers have ruined this world to the point where it is hardly alive anymore…Clinging on to the once primal, untamed beast that it once was with only one pitiful, wheezing gasp… And I look at you humans, as a being not from here, as evidence of how utterly lost all of you are.”

[Pause]

“Know that your continued existence is simply my mercy, humans. Your politicians, your rich, your armed… all of them are powerless before that which can return from death, stronger with each rebirth. That which has the power to shape your world into what it should be - in its prime… and without the stench of humanity washing over it daily.”

[He gestures dramatically, voice raising in impassioned hate]

“Know that your reckoning is coming! Know that you can do nothing to stop it. Weep or fall into vices, I do not care what you do. Progress will be made, regardless.”

[SFX: A phone notification]

“And further-! Oh, wait. Cut!”

[BGM: The music cutting]

[SFX: The crew murmuring/equipment being shut off]

[He takes out his phone and checks it with a frown]

“...Ah, so sorry, everyone. The missus just texted me a ‘frowny face’, I’ll need to finish shooting this villainous address after a break, alright?”

[Pause]

“Yes, yes, Greta, give me thirty minutes. The world’s politicians can sit and be anxious for a bit longer, just say we had technical difficulties.”

[SFX: The lab door opening and shutting with a hiss]

“Honey? Honey!”

[Pause?]

“Ah, you’re in the kitchen, one moment!”

[You hear him approach but keep idly fixing a sandwich you don’t even know if you want]

“There’s my little bookworm!”

[Pause…]

[Gentle fingers rest on your shoulders and lips kiss your hair]

“Hello, gorgeous… I thought I saw a frown on that beautiful face… What’s wrong, hmm?”

[Pause…]

[He rubs your shoulders for you, voice soft]

“It’s not ‘nothing’ to me… You don’t have to, darling, but my ears are open if you need to vent… The silly speech can wait.”

[. . .]

“Ah. More wedding drama, is it? Alright, let’s see… Is it… Big Sis Lisa planning on showing up drunk and in white? Mother Dearest planning on showing up in white while drunk? Your father boycotting my existence? Or has Cousin Darlene not accepted that children won’t be allowed to suck champagne out of a fountain literally?”

[Pause…]

[He chuckles, unbothered]

“Darling, I’m the world’s top supervillain. Your family’s dysfunction isn’t going to bother me, I promise. Honestly… I kind of get tickled when your father pulls his, ‘Rahh rahh, you can’t marry that man he’s evil! He voted for the other political party! And he doesn’t care about SPORTS!’.”

[Pause <3]

[He chuckles and embraces you from behind]

“I can handle Doug, love, I promise. Is he the one that’s been causing trouble this go around?”

[Pause…]

“Ooh, he’s bringing up my career, now? You know, I’m honestly touched he cares enough to remember my profession! Hmhm.”

[Pause <3]

“Heh, yes, alright… I’m being a little petty… Well, he can think what he likes about me being a villain. As long as you don’t mind, then I don’t have a care in the world, do I?”

[<3 <3 <3]

[You turn and hug your villainous fiance]

“Mmh, there’s my affectionate love. I do mean it, though… I want you to have the wedding of your dreams. I know you’re inviting your family out of politeness, more than anything, but if you ever feel like it’s too much, and you need them thrown out? You let Daddy know, OK?”

[Pause!! <3]

[He laughs]

“Stop, you’re so cute, blushing! Hmhm, my little kindergarten teacher… I guess I shouldn’t make that word even more confusing, given your profession, hm?”

[Pause!]

“Hmhm… cute. But, seriously… If you want to go low or no contact with them, I’m behind you, one hundred percent. If you want them in our lives, I will be polite and respectful. OK? I just want you happy.”

[Pause <3]

“I know, you like the idea of a big family… but we’ll build one of our own, in time. Children, grandchildren, far too many cats and dogs, friends that are loveable oddballs, ride or die, and I’m sure the odd hero archnemesis here or there. It might be a little… messy, but it’ll be ours AND an excuse to get a ‘Bless This Mess’ sign for the hallway.”

[Pause <3]

[He smiles, his normal calm, snarky self]

“Oh, don’t tell me I’m the best, I’ll get a big head! I promise I’m no pinnacle of husbandry. At my core, I’m still a snarky little villain who enjoys messing with the government and enjoys spoiling his many nieces.”

[Pause <3]

“I’m glad you agreed to seven rings so each could be a ring girl and a flower bearer~. You are good to me, my darling… It’s honestly so refreshing considering how most of society typically treats my kind…”

[...Pause </3]

[His frown turns to a weak smile]

“Now, let’s not spoil this chat with talk of my rather unfortunate backstory, hm? We’re planning a wedding, our days together are happy ones, and I’m not destroying the world presently. I think that’s a pretty happy outcome.”

[Pause <3]

[He smiles, a little twisted]

“You really should petition the proper authorities to give you a fat paycheck for wrangling their number one problem… I’m sure they’d be more than happy, considering you, you know… stopped the apocalypse and all.”

[Pause <3]

“Hehe… Just by being nice to the villain, I know! What a story to tell our kids one day, though, isn’t it? ‘Yes, actually, your mother and I got together when she brought me snickerdoodles mere seconds before I pushed the button to activate a doomsday device, she talked me through my crisis, and then we kissed because were two wine bottles in and very emotionally charged’.”

[Pause…]

“...I’m not going to hide my past from our kids. I don’t expect you to, either. I was a bad person. A dangerous, rogue agent that nearly did the unthinkable… Now, I’m just a heel that puts on a show and comes home to his fiance, aren’t I?”

[Pause…]

[He snorts]

“Oof… Yes, I suppose, somewhat like a professional wrestler… Though, if I start grunting ‘brother’ at people, please have me checked for brain injuries, won’t you?”

[Pause <3]

“Mmhm, I know. I will put on spandex for you if you like~”.

[Pause <3]

“Hmhm… Yes, later. I do still have a few villainous speeches to make, some photos to shoot for Bad Boy Bi-Weekly and some world domination mock-ups to sort. Then, I’m all yours for the evening, alright?”

[Pause!]

[He kisses you and ruffles your hair]

“Mwah~. Love you, sweetie. I’ll see you later, OK?”

[Pause!]

[SFX: Him heading back to his lab/the door sealing shut behind him]

“Ah… Now, then. Let’s get back to recreating the world in my image, shall we?”

[SFX: Fade out on lab sounds of your discretion]

[To be continued?]