Part 1

Context: You were on vacation with your ex-husband and two kids, trying to enjoy a nice Christmas together since the split. In the middle of a pit stop, your world was changed forever when a loose criminal wandered in and made it clear he aimed to kill you and your family. You stood up to him and got a bullet in your trouble. The last thing you remember seeing is your ex-husband holding you and pleading for you to live before it all went black...

Setting: A hospital

Tags:[M4F][Exes to ?][Remorseful Ex-Husband Speaker][Emotionally Withdrawn Listener][Divorcees][Trauma][Hurt][Confession][Kisses][Injury][Regret][CW: Monster-in-Law][TW: Mentions of Abuse/Gaslighting/Emotional Incest]

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[Scene opens in the hospital]

[SFX: Faint hospital grandeur slowly fading in as the Listener gains consciousness]

[Ice is in your spine. There are voices, incoherent, compared to the numb pain in your abdomen and back]

“- no, Mom… Mom! Who the fuck cares if I stopped the killer, all I did was shoot him after she stood up to him!”

[... Your ex-husband is here, for some reason… Is it Christmas?]

“...You are walking on thin godamned ice, Mom… I mean it.”

[...]

“Mom, she walked in front of a gun for me. For our children. Sorry, but I’m going to have to agree to disagree.”

[Pause]

[You hear him wince in pain and can hear the explosive, motherly yelling even from there]

“Mom! You screaming your head off isn’t going to work this time! I… W-Wait… Sweetie, are you blinking?!”

[Pause…]

“Mom, I gotta go. Bye.”

[SFX: The call ending/someone stepping on his soon-to-be grave]

[Your ex hurries to your side, tears spilling down his face]

“Oh, honey… My poor sweetheart, you look so small and broken…”

[...]

[He blinks and then laughs at your quip, a little manic about it]

“Did you just say, ‘Thanks, you look like shit, too’? Eheh… I forgot how hard your swears hit, we usually have to censor for the kids…”

[...Pause?]

“How long? ...It’s been months, sweetheart. He… When you maced the maniac, he fired wildly and the bullet hit you in the abdomen. Missed your lungs by an inch… You stopped him, honey. Do you remember? You were so brave…”

[He breaks down sobbing]

“... C-Can I see your hands, please…?”

[P-Pause…]

“Thank you… I just want to rest my face in your palms…”

[He does so, making those upset Dad rumbles that he’s so good at as he tries to be as close to you as he can]

[Pause…?]

“The kids are with your parents… Rowan hasn’t talked a lot… I have him with a good therapist for someone his age, don’t worry. When he does talk, it’s always about you and how brave Mommy was for standing up to the bad, bad man.”

[...]

“...I do want a hug, yeah. Come here…”

[SFX: Him gently hugging the Listener and crying with them]

“...I was so scared… I-It all happened so fast and then you were… DYING in my arms and the kids were crying and I just… It hit me… How unbearable life would be if you were gone. And I don’t mean gone as in I’ll see you at the next custody hearing, I mean… gone.”

[...]

“...I’m sorry… You were right, I was… an awful husband. Great father, sure, but… you needed more than that…”

[...Pause]

[His voice catches, pained]

“I know you just wanted me to stand up to my mother for you. I know… And I still couldn’t even see it until she uttered the words I knew meant I’m never going to speak to her again.”

[Pause…?]

[He looks at you, heartbroken. Some of the grays in his hair wink under the hospital lights]

“...I told him the love of my life might pass away in my arms… and she said good riddance…”

[...]

[He laughs, though it is sad]

“Yeah… Normally when you looked me in the eye and said, ‘Honey. Your mother is a raging bitch’, I’d get mad at you. I’m sorry… I don’t know why it took me so long to see it. When Dad left, I was all she had and… It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter anymore… It’s just so nice to see those beautiful eyes open again.”

[He kisses you before either of you can really react. He seems startled for a moment… but doesn’t break the kiss]

[Pause…]

“...I’m sorry I can’t stop kissing you… I think I might still love you, or something…”

[Pause…]

“You still love me, too…? Really…?”

[...]

[The wind deflates out of him instantly]

“...but you can’t trust me…”

[Pause!]

[He sighs and sits by you, rubbing the back of his head]

“...I understand. You needed me to be on your side when my mother was coming at you like you were the enemy… and I wasn’t. No matter how many times I told myself, and you, that I was, all of that anger and resentment just came from me knowing I was failing you and being too much of a damned coward to do anything about it…”

[Pause…]

“Oh no, I’m aware that this is all coming a bit late… I never claimed to be a smart man, sweetheart. Probably came from all the beatings I took from my old man as a kid, hehe. He always swung for the head…”

[. . . ?]

[He seems surprised, then ashamed in the same stroke]

“...I never did talk to you about my Dad, no. I was terrified I would become him, to a lesser degree, and, bloop, here I am, one divorce and existential panic later… Yeah. Dad was always trying to ‘toughen me up’ by instigating fights. Of course, I routinely got my ass kicked until I turned about twenty. I got one good hit in on him… and then my parents divorced. Heh… One of the most confusing four years of my life.”

[...Pause?]

“I mean… you grow up with a Dad who looks for excuses to beat you up, a mother who tried to defend you when she could… who then also blames you for the divorce…”

[He lets out a sigh again, tears creeping down his face]

“... I thought she’d fall apart without me… Even though she blamed me, she’d always encourage me to be ‘the man of the house’, and whatnot. Stuff needed fixing, she’d call me. Another boyfriend dumped her? There I go to comfort her and assure her all men are garbage… me included, I guess…”

[...Pause.]

“...I wish I’d opened up to you when we were still married, too. I just… I wanted to be a better man, somehow. Men don’t burden their wives with their feelings. We don’t have feelings, if anyone asks, really…”

[...Pause <3]

[He smiles slightly]

“Yeah…? You liked it when I was a goofy, affectionate dummy versus trying to do the ‘manly’ thing?”

[Pause <3]

[He laughs quietly and looks away]

“That’s one thing Mom could never convince me of. ‘She doesn’t really love you’. I said, ‘Mom, she’s dealt with me when I got food poisoning twice in a row because I insisted on risky tacos not going to waste. If having to comfort your husband through two bodily exorcisms in a row isn’t love, what is?’.”

[Pause?]

[He giggles]

“Her answer was, ‘I’ve seen your father shit himself more times than a politician has lied, don’t you talk to me about that’. I’d like to think Dad gets a cold chill every time his name is mentioned.”

[Pause <3]

“That was a yawn… Come on, you go back to resting, OK? I’ll bring the kids as soon as it feels like a good time for them, I promise. Right now, I just…”

[His voice catches]

“...Get better, OK? Seeing you like that… I never want to see anything that awful again… Plus, it’d be nice to see a genuine smile versus a, ‘I’m putting up with this dick for the sake of our kids’, smile.”

[...Pause]

“...I love you. You don’t have to say it back, it’s OK… I know I lost that when I lost you.”

[He gives one more tired smile and gives you your peace… and a lot to think about]

[SFX: Fade out on oh-so-wonderful hospital ambiance]

[To be continued?]

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