Context: You were the definition of 'minding their own business' before something unexplainable happened. You went to bed one night, in one place, and woke the next morning in a cage, surrounded by others in a similar predicament. Apparently, someone has sold your life away to the vampires you'd heard about in myth and legend. Before you can even attempt to escape, the Prince himself has set his eyes on you and you doubt it is for anything wholesome.

Setting: The human shop, in whatever silly name it has in this installment

Tags:[MM4A][Strangers to ?][Vampire Shopkeeper Speaker][Vampire Fae Prince Speaker][Cryptid Listener][Comedy][Mildly Spicy][Himbo Energy]but[Smug Rich Boy][New York Rage][Mystery][Betrayal][Hypnosis][TW: Trafficking/Betrayal]

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[S] = Alex, the shopkeeper. Really fucked up

[V] = Prince Sabriel, the Vampire Prince. Somehow a smug himbo.

[Scene opens in… a cage???]

[BGM/SFX: Jaunty shop music slowly fading in as the Listener wakes/chains and cages rattling]

[You slowly find yourself waking up to both a migraine and a cage surrounding you. As you glance about, you can see other humans passed out in similar cages]

[SFX: The cage rattling]

[You give the bars a few firm shakes and, before you know it, a young man darts in front of you soundlessly]

[S] “Hey! Stop that, you!”

[Pause?!!?]

[S] “Firstly, I made no sound because I’m a vampire. Secondly, if I gathered the question from all the profanity surrounding it, you are in a human shop in Rosalia, a vampire kingdom. Lastly, there was absolutely no need to bring my mother into this…”

[Pause???]

[S] “Why were you taken…? Look, the short of it is that someone sold you off. Sold your life to us. That’s all I know. I don’t know who or for what or why. Now can you please quiet down? I like quiet when it’s early in the morning and there are no customers!”

[SFX: A bell ~ bing bong, but in vampire]

[S, groaning] “Oh, good. A customer.”

[He puts on a hollow smile and heads around to where you can’t see]

[S] “Good morning, welcome to Human Pals and Gals, I-”.

[Pause-]

[S, startled] “M-My Prince…?”

[The voice that answers immediately makes you picture a man with a punchable face]

[V] “Good morning to you, Alex. Got anything interesting in today?”

[S] “We just got in a new shipment, actually, but I haven’t had a chance to register them yet. I do have some really interesting oldies, though!”

[V] “Oh?”

[Their voices fade into nothing but babbles as you put everything you have into getting free of your cage]

[SFX: The gents conversing fading against the cage shaking, bashing, etc. to show the Listener is putting up an impressive fight]

[As you struggle, you hear something that freezes you:]

[V] “What is all of that racket…?”

[You stop struggling and listen, despite knowing the vampires themselves won’t make a sound]

[S, closer] “My apologies, Prince Sabriel. There’s one human that shook off the treatment abnormally fast and hasn’t seemed to have given up yet… They should be exhausted.”

[V] “Oh…? This human, here?”

[. . .]

[The odd-eyed gent stops in front of your cage and you feel your throat tighten]

[S] “Ah, that’s one, aye … We haven’t had a chance to ID it yet, Your Highness. It just came in less than, oh… ten minutes ago. We haven’t even checked its lowers!”

[Pause?!?!]

[At your raging, the two strangers perk their eyebrows. One smiles while the other does not]

[V] “Oh, how spirited!”

[SFX: Violent cage shaking]

[S] “I’ve never seen a human shake off our sedative blend that quickly! Perhaps we happened upon a noble blood by pure luck?”

[PAUSE!!]

[V, smiling] “Aww, I like its accent… Where are you from, cutie? Hmm?”

[PAUSE]

[S] “-oh no.”

[V] “Bruh-ronx? I’ve never heard of such a land… Hm.”

[S, sighing] “This human is, what they call, a ‘New Yorker’. They’re a sub-breed of Americans with volatile tempers, hilarious accents, and memory issues from our, admittedly somewhat limited, intelligence on them.”

[V] “Hmm… What dog breed would you say is a fair comparison?”

[The shopkeeper ponders this while you give him a mean side-eye]

[Pause…]

[S] “...I’m going to say… French bulldog mixed with chihuahua?”

[V] “Ooooooh! I love those!”

[PAUSE!!!]

[SFX: More violent cage rattling]

[V, affectionate] “Oh my goodness, listen to them! Such passion in each of those deeply offensive slurs and curses!”

[S, taken aback] “I’m disturbed that this human knows my mother…”

[PAUSE!!!!]

[V] “Oh, I simply can’t help myself! They’re just so fiery and cute! And I bet they could handle themselves in a sparring match, unlike my other poor, squishy little pets… How much for them, dear boy?”

[S] “We would need to properly assess them first, with due respect, Prince Sabriel.”

[The Prince looks at him, all mirth gone. It only takes a few seconds of that stare before the shopkeep whimpers out:]

[S] “F-Forgive me, sire! Whatever you think is fair is fair!”

[Sabriel returns to smiling lazily]

[V] “MUCH better… I could be a right mean prick about it and take them for free… buuuuut I have had all of my pets tell me that they hated that nonsense in their old life, so how’s about I give you two million from my ‘fun money’ and we call it good?”

[PAUSE]

[S] “U-Uh, I…”

[V] “And another two million that your boss doesn’t need to know about, necessarily…?”

[S, nervous] “Eheh… I can, ah… I can see you’re not going to give up on this one, my Prince. A-And me, of COURSE, being a loyal citizen of Rosalia, would never deny his Prince such a courteous exchange!”

[V, a touch smug but oddly adorable about it] “Your patriotism is noted and appreciated. Now, if you would be so kind?”

[S] “I need to tranquilize them first, my Prince. If they somehow manage to cause damage to a vampire, well… you know their fates…”

[V] “That won’t be necessary… Here, my dearest pet. Look into my eyes, won’t you?”

[PAUSE!!!]

[SFX: The cage shaking violently]

[No matter how you resist or try to shut your eyes, you’re forced to look into his brilliant red gaze]

[PAUSE!]

[V] “Oh?”

[The Prince smiles at you, mildly surprised]

[V] “Oh… You can resist my hypnosis just a touch? Mmmh… I am salivating at the thought of taking you home and playing with you… But you need to play nice, alright?”

[Pause.]

[Sabriel chuckles, eyes burning brighter]

[SFX: The hypnotic effect growing stronger]

[V] “There you go… give in to me.”

[. . . PAUSE-!]

[SFX: A thud from the Listener collapsing against him]

[V] “Ah-! Caught you, my pet…”

[S, in disbelief] “...Forgive me, sire, but… did they just yell out an exceptionally curt “FUCK-!!” before giving in to your hypnosis…?”

[V] “Yes. That is what just happened.”

[S] “OK, just making sure. It’s been an odd morning and sometimes I forget if I’ve day drunk or not.”

[V] “Well, I hope you have an easier rest of the day, at least. C’mon, Bronx, let’s get you home so I can pamper you. Hmhm, I bet the other pets will be so glad to have a new playmate as well. One rule: you little cuties can play with one another, of course, but any pregnancies you’ll have to sort yourself. I can’t stand infants.”

[. . .]

[V] “Ah, I do love the first ‘yes, sir’ from my pets. Shopkeep, do be a love and get the door, won’t you? I think I might have made their brain forget how to walk… Doing alright down there in my arms, champ?”

[. . .]

[SFX: Three or four facetious little head pats in rhythm with him saying:]

[V] “Pat, pat, pat. You’re doing great, love! Just float on up into my arms so we can steady you-”.

[You do. Obviously]

[V] “There we are! Oh, I so look forward to picking out a ribbon for you. What color, what color… symbols? Gemstones? Who knows, hmhm…”

[SFX: The shop door opening]

[S] “A good night to you, my Prince!”

[V] “And to you!”

[SFX: Big old wings spreading and the Prince taking off]

[Pause…]

[S] “...Ohh, I fucked up. I fucked up SO badly! I need to call the boss, NOW!”

[SFX: The door slamming shut, locking, and a hasty call being made]

[Pause…]

[Presumably, the call is answered]

[S] “Boss?! It’s Alex! The Prince has the cryptid, I repeat, Prince Sabriel took the cryptid!”

[To be continued]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: “FUCK-!” - local New Yorker cryptid comments about first meeting local vampires. When asked for a follow-up, they answered “I’M GONNA SAUCE THEIR FUCKIN’ ALFREDO-!”, more at 11.

Second note: What kind of cryptid do y’all think Bronx is?

Third note: (Merry Christmas/Holidays/All the other things <3)