*** = listener speaking

Can be monetised, just please link back to either this post or my YouTube!

Gender(s) can be changed if wanted!

~~~

[alarms going off; speaker running/escaping]

[stops]

Ahhh, if it isn’t my favourite detective!

To what do I owe the pleasure?

***

The energy crystal? What energy crystal?

***

Ohhhh, you mean that energy crystal! Gosh, I’d forgotten all about it.

[speaker pulls it out their pocket]

I mean, can you blame me?

Such a dull thing. Perhaps being left in a museum its whole life has made it ugly?

Even though the tiniest sliver of this crystal could power our city for a hundred years…

Oh, well. I’m sure my buyers won’t care – I already verified it still works.

Maybe it’ll start glowing once it’s being used~

***

Oooo, you’re going to say that spiel again?

How many times have we had this conversation? Twenty? Thirty? A hundred?

Just because I think your voice is beautiful, doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to what comes out of that pretty mouth of yours~

***

Precious relic?

Everyone in this city knows what it does – it powers every single bit of our lives.

What else is there left to learn from the past?

***

Appreciate history?

Pffft, sorry my dear detective, but I don’t see how that makes any sense.

You really think people have the time to appreciate history when the energy crisis has become so bad people are freezing in their homes?

It’s why I’m not the first person who’s tried to steal this.

I remember an article about a man who was so desperate he was tried to steal it in broad daylight… he’s serving 25 years in prison now, isn’t he?

Were you a part of that case as well, dear detective?

…What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue all of a sudden?

Don’t leave me high and dry, dear detective~ I want to hear your thoughts on this!

Though I suppose I can survive on just looking at your gorgeous face~

[speaker chuckles]

Since you let me see that adorable blush of yours again, I’ll be nice and change the subject~

If that’s what he got for just ATTEMPTING to steal the energy crystal, I wonder how much time I’ll get behind cold bars?

Can you answer me that, my dear detective?

***

Aww, you don’t like this topic either?

You’re free to choose either one! Talk about the crumbling power crisis, or how me agreeing to your ‘hand over the crystal and turn yourself in!’ spiel will always be a bad thing for me.

I think they’re both quite good topics in the current situation.

Or maybe… you’d prefer if we continued our conversation from last time?

My offer still stands, y’know.

I have my ropes on me right now… we could make this quick.

***

[speaker laughs]

If you really didn’t like it, would your face be that red?

You’ve considered it, haven’t you?

Well, my dear detective? Are you going to tell me the truth?

If you do, I might be nice and make that fantasy a reality~

Don’t by shy now~ tell me, tell me~

***

Oh? You only just realised I’m not holding the crystal anymore?

My dear detective, you need to be more attentive than that~

I put it down ages ago~

What will your boss think if he hears the crystal slipped out of your grasp?

No matter how many times you’ve foiled me in the past, if you let the crystal go, it’ll all be for moot~

Do you want to run away with me to avoid the shame?

***

I’m not playing around! I’d be more than happy to have a partner in crime.

Or a partner in something more~

***

As much as I’d love to comply with your demands my dear detective, I’m afraid the crystal is simply not on my person anymore.

Therefore, I cannot ‘stop messing around and hand it over’.

So, so sorry.

***

I suppose it being ‘somewhere on my person’ IS possibility.

Would you like to give me a pat down, detective?

What’s that surprised look for? That’s what you’d have to do to make sure, right detective?

Don’t worry~ I give my full consent to the search.

You can pat my down wherever you like, for as long as you like~

[listener pats down speaker]

…Cold…

Cold… getting warmer… colder again… cold…

Oo, warmer… warmer… hot… colder… hot, hot, burning hot!

[listener pulls something from speaker’s pocket]

Du-du-du-dah! You found my beach stone~

Seriously, that thing had been poking into my side and weighing me down the whole heist, I don’t even know why I was carrying it around…

Thanks for taking it off of my hands! Or, well, my pocket. My side is already so relieved~

***

Hmm? Who said I was playing hot and cold for the crystal?

I was just doing it for the hell of it~

Like I said, I don’t have the energy crystal anymore. I only said it being on my person was a possibility~ not that it was!

Of course, if you don’t believe me, I’m more than happy to let you search me again.

[listener searches again]

Hmm, hmm, hmm… oh, what’s that you’ve got there in your back pocket?

Don’t mind if I do.

[speaker pulls something out of listener’s pocket; the two switch places]

Relax, my dear detective~

Like I said earlier, you really do need to be paying more attention to what’s happening around you.

That protection of yours is long gone. In its place…

Was the crystal you were so desperately searching for~!

Such a shame~

If you’d just been able to take your attention off me just a liiiiittle bit, you would’ve noticed I’d already given you back the crystal.

But since you don’t seem to appreciate my gift, I’ll be taking it back.

And since you were so kind as to switch places with me and stop blocking my exit, I’ll also be taking my leave~

[speaker blows a kiss]

So long, my dear detective~ I’ll see you at my next heist!