Context: You've been roommates with Gael for a good many years. He's a sweet guy but seems down on his luck quite often. You two are close and do a lot for one another, but it's hard to see him stumble from bad relationship to bad relationship, low to low... You just wished you could help him, but all he seems to want from you is your company and companionship...

Setting: Home

Tags:[M4A][Established Relationship][Roommates to ?][Depressed Roommate Speaker][Compassionate Roommate Listener][Cozy Angst][Bed Visitor][Sleep Confession][Cuddles][Mild Flirting][TW: Mentions of Suicidal Ideation/Break-Up]

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[Scene opens at home]

[SFX: A knock at your bedroom door]

[You’re lying in bed when you hear a knock]

[Pause?]

“It’s Gael. Can I come in for a sec?”

[Pause]

[SFX: The door opening]

[Your roommate opens your door and pokes his head in]

“No lewd?”

[Pause…]

“...True, if I was worried about that, why would I ask AFTER poking my head in. Ya got me.”

[Pause?]

“Hm? Oh, right. Some of the guys are coming over for a super tiny party and some gaming. I just wanted to let you know in case you wanna join or put on some headphones or whatever.”

[Pause?]

[Gael hesitates but nods]

“Yeah, my boyfriend’s stopping in… and, for what it’s worth, no, we haven’t really resolved that last fight. I’m kind of hoping that some chill time will give us a chance to relax and talk about it later, you know?”

[Pause…]

“...I’m fine…”

[Pause…]

“No, really… It was a bad fight but… I’ll be OK. I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”

[Pause…]

[He gives you a tired smile]

“Hey, if you want to catch an early night, all power to you. I’ll save you some pizza, promise.”

[Pause <3]

“Yeah… Catch you later, Starling.”

[SFX: The door gently shifting shut/the Listener settling in bed]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time Change: Seven Hours

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Sometime later, you feel your bed shift. You recognize Gael’s scent immediately, he’s the only man you know who has such minty-smelling shampoo]

[SFX: Bed creaks]

[Pause???]

“Sorry… Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up… Please, can I just sleep with you? Please?”

[Pause…]

“I don’t care if Kyle thinks I’m cheating by cuddling, OK, he broke up with me anyway, I don’t care anymore and I just…”

[You groggily start]

[Pause????]

[SFX: The bed shifting]

“Mmh here… See for yourself. Per his texts, apparently, I’m a little bitch and should have ‘fought for him harder’ because he lost a fucking round of a game, Tony called him a shitter, and I didn’t tear my fucking shirt off and defend his honor. ”

[SFX: Phone typing]

[He unlocks his phone for you and the texts pop up. You wince]

[Pause…]

“...yeah. I know I’m not perfect but he didn’t have to railroad my insecurities like that AND break up with me over text… Yeesh. Guess you were right about him…”

[...]

[He sighs]

“...No… I know you’d prefer not to be right… I know you don’t want me unhappy.”

[...]

“...I’m sorry I snuck in your bed… I’m just… numb. Completely cold, inside and out, and I remembered you were sleeping next door and I just… fled to safety, I guess… ”

[...Pause]

“Yeah? I can sleep here?”

[Pause]

“Thanks… Really, I… Thank you… You understand and I just… Yeah. I’ll shut up.”

[SFX: Them settling in bed]

“I’ll sleep with my back to you, OK? Hopefully, that’ll disturb you less… Thanks again.”

[Pause…?]

“...No, I don’t want to talk about it… I just want to sleep until this shit feels less real… Or until things feel actually really again, I don’t know. I’m just trying not to combust, OK??”

[...]

“...Sorry… Thank you for having me.”

[Pause]

“...Goodnight, Starling.”

[...Pause…]

[Long Pause - VA’s discretion]

[You fall asleep for… an amount of time. When your senses focus back in, you realize, at some point, that he’s wrapped his arms around you. You’re about to shake him gently when he speaks:]

“...I wish I could be enough for you…”

[...]

[His voice is tired in a whole other way]

“...I know you’re sick of watching me fall apart… I know you want me to get my shit together, and I know I’m failing. I’m trying to be better… Make less stupid choices, date less shitty people, but all this has done is show me that I shouldn’t date anyone else because…”

[...]

“...I’m in love with you… and that’s not fair to them because, Jesus, no one can be you… Not ever.”

[...]

“...I haven’t been happy in so fucking long, I just… Lying here with you, even if you’re asleep and just talking… it feels so nice. It makes me feel like I almost could be happy again or… not numb… Sometimes I think about all of these hypotheticals…”

[...]

[A shudder runs through his frame and you feel him cry silently against you]

“...But being with you wouldn’t fix me… It’d just make you unhappy, and I don’t want to lose this. Even if we’re just roommates, even if that’s the extent of closeness we’ll ever have, I… I just don’t want to lose you…”

[...]

[SFX: The Listener shifting]

[He gasps quietly as you resettle…waiting to see if you’re awake in pure terror for a moment before he exhales in relief]

“...Can’t even let you sleep, can I? Heh… Yeah. I’m definitely the man for you, huh? I keep you awake, I annoy you with cuddles, I constantly make bad decisions and I sleep a lot. Basically a cat with more trauma… At least you’re a cat person, huh?”

[...]

“...God, you’re beautiful in the light… The lights from laptops usually make things seem so uncanny, so artificial, and spoiled, but I guess it can’t manage with you…”

[...]

[His smile fades slightly and he eases back into holding you]

[SFX: The bed shifting]

“...You’re the only one who has believed in my whole life… My parents know there’s no hope for me, my sisters mock me for being a college dropout working some dead-end job, and it just… I try so hard in therapy, I try so hard to work my way up, I try to actually focus on learning, but my brain wants me dead. It’s like it wants me to die but my body disagrees…”

[...]

[He sighs deeply]

“I don’t know why you’re so nice to me. I don’t know how or why you still believe in me… I’m so passive and pathetic…If it wouldn’t leave you without rent, I swear the biggest favor I could do for you is to just walk out on the balcony, hop on the rail and…”

[Pause!]

[He jolts as you hug him]

“Guh-!”

[Pause….]

“...O-OK… I’m listening but, um, you’re hugging really-”.

[Pause…]

“...I know… I… I know I shouldn’t say it but I just-!”

[He breaks down sobbing in your arms as you hold him]

[Rec. improv for the crying]

“I-I’m so sorry-!”

[Pause…]

“...I know! I know, but it’s so hard and I don’t even know what I’m fighting for at this point! What do I have to look forward to besides you?!”

[...?]

“...It’s not fair to you… Living solely for one person is too much pressure for anyone… I love you. I want to be a man you could love back, one day, but I also don’t know who I am, what I want, I… I’m just lost…”

[...Pause?]

“...Ask my therapist if you could sit in on some sessions…? Why?”

[Pause]

[He snorts, good-natured]

“Yes, you’re definitely good at motivating my stupid ass…”

[Pause…]

“...You think maybe she could give us tools we could use together…? Why…?”

[...]

“...I know you care about me. You’re the only one that does…. Wait, are you saying-?”

[Pause]

[He holds his breath for a moment before he exhales and nods]

“...You’re right… We can discuss that later… I’ll call her when it’s not 3 AM, OK?”

[Pause <3]

[For the first time in a long time, his smile feels genuine]

“...You’re welcome… U-Um… Goodnight, again…”

[SFX: The bed settling]

[Fade out on the two of them finding comfort together/any 3 AM ambiance you deem appropriate]

[To be continued]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: Oh no, not cozy angst :/