Context: You are the lone monster princess at a ball full of snooty, uptight royals. After reducing you to tears, you happen upon a spare room with a strange prince in it. Very, very strange... but also, surprisingly sweet.

Setting: A royal castle

Tags: [M4F][Strangers to Lovers][Friendly Baka-Yandere Mimic Speaker][Sad Monster Princess Listener][Internal Monologue][Comedy][Oh No, There's Two][Kisses]['Trying' To Be Honest][Courting/Flirting]['Marital Bliss'][TW: Murder/Spicy Topics]

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Dialogue Note: All dialogue is Merrick, anything italicized is just his internal monologue

[Scene opens in a royal castle]

[BGM: Elegant ballroom music]

[SFX: Faint laughter/The Listener running away hurriedly]

[You race through the castle as cruel laughter fades behind you, searching for some space… anywhere. Anywhere will do… What you don’t know is that an unusual young man is just behind the door, just having finished his meal…]

[SFX: Cloth rustling about]

Phew, I was hungry… Thank goodness this guy had such fancy clothes. Father will be so proud of me! Well… Maybe not of the mess… But he was really tall, how was I meant to get him into my stomach without breaking bones…? At least he’ll reincarnate or…whatever he was yelling…

[SFX: Footsteps/a door opening and slamming shut]

[You run into a spare room and slam the door behind you. Almost instantly, you come face-to-face with a regally dressed young man]

“OH NO, A PRETTY LADY!”

[...]

“Uh… Sorry, I meant…”

[He squints like he’s thinking really, really hard]

OH NO A PRETTY LADY!

[The man tries to smile but it looks more like an awkward grimace]

“I… uh… Hello!”

[...]

[He jumps a little as you sob to yourself]

SSSHIT, a CRYING PRETTY LADY! Father’s worst nightmare… OK, he’s bad at it but… Does that mean I have to be…?

“...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry… Can I do something to help?”

[Pause…]

“...All the other royals were picking on you and calling you names? That’s awful! Why would they pick on someone as sweet and nice?”

[You side-eye him. He’s either a liar or stupid]

[...Pause?]

[The Prince looks at you, flummoxed]

“W-Why, no! I think you are lovely, my fair maiden! The prettiest person I’ve run into my whole life!”

[...OK, he’s stupid. But sweet…]

[Pause…?]

“Me? My name? Fuck, what is my… I MEAN! It is, um… “

[He struggles while you watch him]

“...Mimic?”

[Pause?]

“MERRICK! Haha, yes! Merrick.”

[You jump as he corrects himself]

“Yes! I am Prince Merrick of the… ahhhhh… Hang on, I’m having such an off night. I swear, it’s like I forgot who I was the moment I saw you. Where’s the damned crest….”

[P-Pause?]

[He searches his clothing but speaks, upbeat:]

“Well, of course, you had that impact on me. I’ve never seen a lovelier princess! Here! I am Prince Merrick of…”

[He squints]

“...Mezaria… That’s a silly name…”

[Pause?]

“Well, in the local language that means, ‘Place of Thieves’. It’s… not a nice name…”

[Pause…?]

Oh… she’s asking about growing up there, um… Damnit, what did Father say about it???

“Oh, uh, well… I got… shanked… once or twice. By prostitutes! That I absolutely did not purchase, they just didn’t like my hat.”

[...]

Nice. Nailed it

[Pause…]

“Oh, right! Forgive me, Princess, I’ve been so rude… What should I call you?”

[Pause…]

[He bows, taking your hand and giving it an… ‘affectionate’ kiss]

“It’s my pleasure to meet you! Let me just give your hand a proper kiss-”.

[...]

“OH! Do forgive me, fairest maiden! I, uh, slobbered a bit, it seems. My apologies, I have the worst habits…”

[...Pause?]

[He pauses, his… unique….tongue still waving about]

“...Erm… Yes, my… tongue is on the longer side. Sorry, I…”

[Pause <3 <3 <3 ??]

“Am… I another monster royal? Uh… Yes! Haha, yes I am! Super monster-y!”

[Pause!!]

[He smiles as you clap in excitement]

“You’re the only monster princess? Get out, you’re kidding! No wonder the other ladies didn’t appeal… Not that they would have against you anyway. Blech. Bad hearts ruin any outer beauty, you know? I’d much rather be wed to someone like you.”

[...<3]

[Merrick leans in, conspiring]

“Erm… That’s what we’re here for, right? To be wed off?”

[Pause…???]

[He looks up at you, dopey and adorably clueless]

“Am I… asking for your hand…?”

[Pause? <3]

It is a beautiful hand… Maybe she’d let me hold it down the wedding aisle one day… Whoa, now, let’s not get carried away. Just because I ate the real prince and assumed his identity doesn’t mean I can just assume his life, marry this beautiful monster lady, and- hey she’s leaning into us, what-?

[You lean up and excitedly kiss him. He, in turn, greets your kiss eagerly]

[SFX: <3 Smooches <3]

Wow! This beautiful lady is kissing me, just cause I took the time to listen to her and engage in her interests! And something to do with my tongue, I guess! Being a human man is kind of fun… I don’t know what could make this more fun

[SFX: More smooches]

I can’t wait to tell Father that I got my first kill, became a Prince, got engaged, and got my first kiss, all in my first night of being allowed to hunt solo! Eee, I’m so proud! I should arrange a dinner for them to meet! That way I can…

[You feel some of his eagerness seem to break and pull back, studying him]

[Pause…?]

“Oh… No, everything is fine… It’s just… Would you still like me if I was born in a questionable way? Like… Morally questionable? I feel like keeping things from your soon-to-be-wife is bad, you know? It doesn’t feel nice… I hope I’m doing the right thing…”

[Pause…]

“Erm… Well, I wasn’t born in quite such a violent manner, no… But I’m not… natural? And you’re sweet but I don’t want you to wed me and it be under false pretenses…”

[Pause…?]

“Am I a homunculus?”

[He ponders this for a moment, still adorably clueless]

“I guess? I was made in a lab by an alchemist. I call him ‘Father’, haha. He super hates it… But he raised me to be more than I was originally meant to be! And I’m figuring out what that ‘more’ means… Or trying to, at least.”

[Pause…?]

“No, I DO want to marry you! That’s something I want to do, like, more than I want to eat, and that’s saying a lot! I learned a lot about love from my Father… He loves his Queen so much that he’d do anything to be with her. It’s sweet, I think.”

[...?]

“Court first? I mean, we could go and say hello to a judge, sure!”

[You smile. You can’t help it]

[Pause…]

“Oh, spend time together while the other royals are being wed off to one another? Yeah! That sounds really nice. We can get to know each other in fun ways.”

[Pause <3]

[You gather your cloak while he waits… until he decides to speak in a lower voice:]

“So, um… Can I have permission to eat anyone that flirts with you?”

[You laugh. He doesn’t]

[Pause…?]

“O-Of course, I’m joking. Haha…”

Is it a lie if I’m crossing my fingers behind my back? Father says not, but… he’s a good liar… He’s so devoted to the Queen, so I just need to show the same devotion, right?

[Pause <3]

[Your new friend smiles]

“A walk in the courtyard sounds lovely… Could we hold hands? I think that sounds really, really nice!”

[You take his hand. It is… more solid than you expected]

Eee, I’m holding hands with my WIFE. I like it… I like it a lot… It doesn’t even make me want to gobble her up… That’s weird… I don’t think I actually told her I’m a mimic, though… That’s probably to be a problem…

[Pause? <3]

“I’d love more kisses, thank you!”

...Maybe… ‘after’ the smooching…?

[Definitely after the smooching]

[SFX: Fade out on the ballroom music changing to courtyard garden ambiance - nighttime]

[To be continued]

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Note: Merrick is the world’s cutest mimic and the second cutest yandere on record. I’ll let you determine who is first.