Context: In this house of criminal werewolves, there are set rules: Peaches runs the house. Peaches does the chores and shopping. Therefore, Peaches shall be appreciated, loved, and respected. Disrespecting Peaches shall be met with swift punishment. So, who the Hell is Peaches?? You, silly!

Setting: Home

Tags:[MMMM4A][Established Relationship][Four Himbo Werewolf Speakers][Neko Listener][Yes, Polyamory][Crime Family Vibes][Comedy][VERY SPICY][Reverse Comfort][Domestic Bliss?][Werewolves x Neko][TW: Talk of Murder/Mild Angst]

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[V] = Vic

[D] = Di(amond)

[M] = Milo

[Z] = Zev

[Scene opens in an older, but well-kept home]

[SFX: Some golden oldies crooning/sweeping]

[You’re taking a lazy afternoon while doing the chores, when you hear a car door slam shut and muffled voices. Sounds like your boys are home]

[Pause]

[SFX: The car door shutting/the radio being turned off]

[From the sounds of it, it's been an eventful mission]

[SFX: The kind of chaos that comes from four big himbos that are good friends/brothers trying to enter a house at relatively the same time/the door opening]

[Pause!]

[All of them simultaneously] “Peaches!!”

[Pause…]

[They all grumble but dutifully take their shoes off and set them aside]

[Z] “Fine… Shoes are coming off… S’ dumb for werewolves to wear shoes anyways.”

[V] “It’s almost like a sassy Neko forces us to so-”.

[Pause~]

[Z, annoyed] “Yeah, yeah… We always come back with glass in our paw pads if we don’t, we know. Peaches is smart, we aren’t.”

[Pause <3]

[V, teasing] “They did just walk into our house when we were little, declared, ‘Y’all’s cooking is garbage and I’m sick of gagging on it, so I’m cooking from now on!’.”

[Z] “Worked out for them, I’d say. Four werewolves to spoil you?”

[Pause!]

[D, stern] “Peaches cooks and cleans the whole house and does the shopping. Leave them alone, or you two can be on cooking duty for the evening.”

[Z, sarcastic] “Yes, Di, o’ fearless leader. We’d hate to anger our dearest Neko, who is oh so sweet to u-OW! Peaches, your claws and my ass cheek are not a winning combo! Also, we just got home and are hungry, you know your boys are grumps on empty bellies!”

[Pause~]

[V] “Where’s Milo? Seething outside, presently.”

[Pause?]

[Z] “Enh, he’s mad because he got a switchblade to the snout. Took out like ten of the other clowns there before he just punched a wall for fifteen minutes. Finally got him to chill enough to get into the car. Now he’s mad because he’s embarrassed at himself. So… Code 25?”

[Pause…]

[V] “He’s on one to two-word answers now, yeah. Tag-in?”

[SFX: High-five tag in/Peaches walking outside and peering around the corner]

[You see Milo sulking on the porch, beat up and grumbling]

[Pause!]

[M, angry] “Hi. Peaches.”

[Pause!]

[M] “Am. NOT COPING!”

[Pause!]

[M] “RRGH! WILL! COME IN! WHEN READY!”

[PaUsE]

[SFX: Milo apparently being ready to come in]

[He stands with a growl and stomps over to you. He’s always been the largest of the group, but you hardly mind it as he towers over you]

[Pause.]

[M] “No, YOU’RE… a butt!”

[Pause!]

[M, with a sigh] “...Yes, Peaches…”

[You march him back inside and call out to the others:]

[Pause!]

[Z] “It’s OK, Peaches, you calm the Big Guy down. C’mon, idiots, tag-in!”

[Pause]

[V] “Yeh, I’m on it. Di, set the table, will ya?”

[Di grunts in his elegant manner and sets to work]

[SFX: The kitchen falling into slightly more organized chaos as the Listener and Milo walk away/door open/close/them sitting on a very old mattress together]

[Pause…]

[You let him cradle you against his mountain of a body. Your fingers run through his wild, shaggy mane in kind]

[M] “...Confused. Angry, still, but confused.”

[Pause?]

[M, anger ebbing] “You’re small. I’m not. Size difference. Disarming my defenses.”

[Pause <3]

[M] “Arlaslrs…. Missed you. Also.”

[Pause…]

[M] “I’m breathing, I’m breathing…”

[Pause - Breathing exercises]

[SFX: Some muffled kitchen chaos]

[M] “...Fine. I’m better… But you need to get off my lap, you know how we get when we’re riled up.”

[Pause~]

[He gives you a surly pout]

[M] “Peeeaaachhhess, c’mon! We’re not human! You’re a cat, we’re four dogs with foul tempers, and the passions run high!”

[Pause~]

[He growls as you sway your tail at him, smiling the most innocent of smiles]

[M] “Ooh hoho, you do love to play with fire, don’t you, kitty cat? I’m a lot bigger than you, you know~”.

[Pause~]

[M] “A lot stronger~”.

[Pause~]

[M] “Ooh, I could just snap you in tw-”.

[Pause.]

[He laughs]

[M] “I know, I know… We don’t hurt the Peaches, we love the Peaches. They take very, very good care of us four idiots, and we’re all very grateful… Hehe. No one would believe me if I told them how much of a wicked genius you are, little Stripey Wifey. Any time we mention we have a Neko at home, they think you’re our pet.”

[Pause <3]

[He snorts and grumbles as you kiss his nose]

[M] “Rlrlr hey! My nose is ticklish, alrlar… Hmph. Rude. I don’t bite at your tail or boop your nose!... Anymore. One clawing was enough…”

[Pause?]

[M] “Pfft, yes, I do feel better… It’s just nice to get to hold you in my arms and feel how itty bitty you are. Very relaxing.”

[Pause <3]

[He laughs]

[M] “Enh, fuck you, too! Hmhm… I know Di says he doesn’t want you going on ‘family trips’ with us, but this last little field trip was a hoot. Rolled up on this gent who thought he’d ghosted us out on a little rowboat, having himself a nice bit of fishing.”

[Pause!]

[He laughs again]

[M] “Hehe, yeah… Under before he even realized what was happening. Di cut his neck with a stealth claw, Vic got the cement on him, Zev took the kill shot by informing him he’d be sending someone to have the poor man’s wife properly tended to after his passing, and then I ACTUALLY killed by popping his eyes and shoving him into the ocean.”

[...Pause]

[M] “Hey, I thought it was overkill, too… Bossman said he wanted it done exactly like that. Erm, Zev’s improv aside, of course.”

[Pause…]

[M] “Yeah, no shit. All assassinations are personal but this was personal... Here’s hoping it’ll ease up moving forward. It’s usually a lot less involved.”

[Pause?]

[M] “Me? Pfft, yeah, I’m fine. I’ve killed plenty of people… I don’t know… There’s something about him still being alive when I threw him in the water… Tried to at least make sure he was unconscious but… Bleh.”

[Pause…]

[He sighs]

[M] “...I know none of us are technically good ‘people’, given our line of work. Di says that it’s how we have to survive. That werewolves can’t get work like the humans do… And he’s right. We’d starve otherwise… Still feels shitty, you know?”

[Pause…]

[He pats your back gently a few times]

[M] “...How was your day?”

[Pause <3]

[M] “Shut up… I’m trying to be more considerate. You got really mad at us that last fight and almost left, remember?”

[...Pause]

[M] “Yeah, it WAS six years ago, and it still freaks me out that you were halfway across the city before we found you… That other pack nearly tore you to bits, Peaches…”

[...]

[M] “...Glad you had a nice day, at least. And thank you for what you do.”

[SFX: Pat, pat]

[M] “...Right. I’m starving. Can I be excused to go eat? Cause I’m going to become less and less of a good boyfriend the hangrier I get.”

[You roll your eyes but dismiss him to the table]

[Pause]

[M] “Nice. BOYS SERVE UP THOSE PORKCHOPS, IT IS GO TIME!”

[SFX: Him heading into the kitchen/the others razzing him - rec. Improv, if desired]

[You hang back for a moment, lost in thought… but your boys need you. You’ll have to wonder about life later, it seems]

[To be continued?]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: I’ve only just noticed that all of my tsun bully characters have uttered the phrase, “I’m breathing, I’m breathing!” and I’m here for it <3

Second note: Me, realizing that the NSFW for these idiots is going to be a fivesome and super complex: ಥ_ಥ . Me, remembering it’s four werewolves and a Neko: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)