Notes: This script is okay for monetization. Can be used on Patreon, just let me know if you do. If you use it, please give credit. You can change pronouns if preferred but otherwise please don't edit the script. My scripts are meant for adult audiences and all characters are 18 . For clarification on the format of the script, any place that says (Pause) is a place for the Listener's response. Anything in \asterisks and italics** isn't meant to be read aloud, it's there to either hint at the tone or provide context that might help the script make more sense.

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Summary: Listener and their naga spouse, Narrator, shop for sweaters online because Narrator keeps stealing Listener's clothes.

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Word Count: Approximately 1,088 words (Not including any actions or cues left in asterisks and italics)

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Writer’s Notes: A short script I wrote to try and get out of a small writer's block.

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Script Below:

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\Heavy rain falls against the window panes, the sound unrelenting in the cold night. However, it’s only the cold that bothers Narrator, and it bothers them a great deal, which is what led them on this online scavenger hunt.**

“Add to cart.”

(Pause)

“What do you mean?! It’s perfectly fine! It's cute, even!”

(Pause)

“Yeah, well, I like it! And since I’m going to be the one wearing it, it’s up to me.”

(Pause)

“Yes, really! I think it’s a nice pattern!”

(Pause)

“Well what’s wrong with that, huh? I happen to think that the googly eyes and weird patches of fur make it even better.”

(Pause)

“So what if it's ugly?! I thought those were like, a thing right now!”

(Pause)

“Ughhh, fine, alright! It’s not great, but I want more sweaters! It’s so damn cold out right now, and I can’t stand it! Even the inside of our hose is cold! And don’t you dare tell me to ‘jUsT uSe AnOtHeR bLaNkEt’ again - you know that it won’t help.”

(Pause)

“I can’t help it! I’m cold-blooded! I have to be in a warm environment to stay warm!”

(Pause)

“Because I don’t want to move somewhere warmer! This is a great town; it’s not too small but not too big, and it’s great at supporting local businesses! Seriously, where else are we going to find a bakery that makes cinnamon bread like Jackie’s? Nowhere!”

(Pause)

“Exactly! And that’s why we’re buying new sweaters, and not a new house.”

(Pause)

“Fine, or a new apartment. Can’t you just let me dream that we’ll be able to afford a house someday?”

\Narrator huffs dramatically before laughing.**

“Though maybe you’re right about this sweater. The longer I look at it, the more I feel like it’s watching me. It’s those googly eyes - they follow me no matter which way I move my head.”

\Narrator laughs.**

“Alright, hit the back button so we can look at the rest of the sweaters. It’s a really good sale and I’m gonna get as many sweaters as I can.”

(Pause)

“Yeah, but I still need more. Do you see how long this tail is? If I’m gonna cover all of it and keep it warm, I need at least six more sweaters.”

(Pause)

“Absolutely not! Ten will barely get me through the week! Six more, and no less!”

(Pause)

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I’ve been saving some money so I could afford them. It’s not like I didn’t need more clothes anyway, and since it’s starting to get cold out, I might as well buy sweaters.”

(Pause)

“I just like them. They’re soft and cozy, and they go with almost everything. Obviously, when I’m at home, I’m just gonna wear them all and not try to match them with anything. I’ll just be a fuzzy, rainbow colored snake.”

(Pause)

\Joking** “It could be worse, you know. I could be buying a ton of those uh, anime hoodies. You know, the ones where they’re making those faces-”

\Listener groans, making Narrator laugh.**

“I’m joking, I’m joking! …But I mean, would that really be the worst-”

\Narrator laughs.**

“Wait, wait, I’m joking! Don’t push me away! Nooo! Baby, honey, my dearest sunshine - you have to let me cuddle you! I’m just a cold little slithery snake who desperately needs to steal your body heat in order to be happy!"

(Pause)

“Mhm, I do. I need to steal all your warmth in every single way I can. Especially if I get to coil around you like this.”

\Narrator sighs happily as they cuddle Listener more. Listener scoffs, mentioning how Narrator always steals their sweaters.**

“Yeah, I know you’re tired of me stealing your sweaters - even though you should feel honored that I like them so much. That’s exactly why we’re buying more sweaters.”

(Pause)

\Smug, playful** “But you know what this means, right? Since I can’t borrow your sweaters anymore, you can’t borrow any of mine, either.”

(Pause)

\Faking surprise** “Wha-?! No! That’s not fair at all!”

(Pause)

“No, it definitely isn’t! Why would it be fair for you to borrow my sweaters when you won’t let me borrow yours?!”

(Pause)

“Oh, c’mon, that isn’t fair at all! If you’re gonna wear my clothes, I should be able to wear yours too! That’s like, one of the best benefits of marriage! You know, besides the actual bond of true love and adoration we have for each other.”

\Narrator laughs.**

“But really, why can’t I keep borrowing your sweaters anymore? I love wearing your clothes! They smell like you and are super soft, and you always look so happy to see me in them! Why won’t you let me wear them anymore?”

(Pause)

“Well if you’re cold, then just tell me! You know that I’d love to coil and cuddle you as much as you want. I’d be more than happy to drop whatever I’m doing and cuddle you until we both fall asleep right where we are.”

(Pause)

“Yep, I absolutely would! Which is why you should let me wear your sweaters - because I can always keep you warm.”

(Pause)

“‘When you go to work?’ I mean, you can always steal them back before work, if you really need to.”

(Pause)

“I don’t wear all of them at once! …At least…not usually.”

(Pause)

“Okay, okay, okay, fine! I get what you’re saying. But that just means we need to buy even more sweaters, so we have enough to share between both of us.”

(Pause)

“Or I could keep stealing your clothes, if that’s what you really want-”

\Narrator laughs.**

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. Guess we’ll just have to keep shopping for more sweaters, won’t we? Now click on that one. The red one, with the turtleneck. Mhm, that one.”

(Pause)

“I just like turtlenecks. They’re snug and fit really nicely around the tip of my tail. It’s like when you wear those fuzzy socks and feel all snuggly. That’s why I make you buy sweaters with high necklines all the time!”

(Pause)

“I mean, yeah, I can use the sleeves, but turtlenecks are better because they cover my tail without the sweater being at like, a weird angle.”

(Pause)

“Exactly. Now zoom in on it, I wanna see what the material looks like.”

(Pause)

“Hmm… Yeah, that looks good. Add one of those to the cart. Oh, they have it in other colors too! We should get a blue one, too.”

(Pause)

“Perfect! Now go back to the other sweaters. I wanna look at more.”

(Pause)

“Alright, fine, then I guess you can choose the next one, since we’re gonna be sharing all of them.”

(Pause)

“Oh my god, really? Are you really gonna choose that one? It’s so uglyyy!”

\Narrator laughs.**

“You know what? Do it.”

(Pause)

“Yeah, sure, go for it. But if you buy that awful sweater, just know that I’m gonna find one that’s even worse and buy that one. So just know that if you start this battle of wills, I will absolutely win it, and it will not be a kind victory.”

(Pause)

“Alright, you’re on! Now pass the laptop over here and bear witness to the sheer destruction I’m gonna unleash on our wardrobe.”

\Narrator laughs as the audio ends.**