*** = listener speaking

Can be monetised, just please link back to either this post or my YouTube!

Gender(s) can be changed if wanted!

~~~

[fade in; thud]

And you lot better not mess up this time. You know what will happen if you do.

Tch…

…You finally waking up? Welcome back to the land of the living, love.

***

You’re at my place. Don’t ask where my place is specifically – because I won’t tell you.

It’s for your safety as much as it is for mine.

[listener tries to move, but is chained to the wall]

Before you start freaking out at those restraints – don’t. Those are built to keep rabid animals in place.

Try to break yourself free from them and you’ll just end up hurting yourself.

***

You really don’t know why you’re here, love?

Though, given how we found you, that’s no surprise…

That girlfriend of yours sold you to us, the mafia, to pay off that debt of hers.

When my men came to shake her down for money, they found you passed out on the couch in her apartment with a note stuck to you about you being the collateral.

They guessed she probably put something in your drink.

***

Not surprised you don’t believe me. Sounds like something out of a bad movie, right love?

Unfortunately for you, things only pop up in movies because there’s some truth to them in reality.

Your girlfriend is one real nasty piece of work.

But I’m not in the mood to drag this out. Here – it’s the note she left stapled to your clothes.

You should recognise her handwriting.

***
Shhh, don’t cry, love. Trust me, she isn’t the kind of woman worth shedding tears over.

***

You didn’t know she was deep in debt?

Love, she owed us over £500,000. And that’s without the interest added.

God knows what she spent it on…

***

Ah… I’m afraid I can’t do that for you, love.

As bad as I feel for you, I’m in a tight spot.

My men are out looking for her, so I don’t plan on keeping you around… but the debt still does need to be repaid.

And whether either of us like it or not, you’re now part of the solution.

***

Woah, woah, calm down. I’m not going to do anything drastic like that.

All I meant was that I need you to do some work for me until that girlfriend of yours can come to sort that debt of hers out herself.

***

Not any shady kind of work, relax. You never signed any of the paperwork, so you aren’t technically involved in the debt, and the monetary worth of a person is difficult to calculate… what I’m saying is, I’m not in a rush to ruin your life.

Believe it or not, you’re not the first person to try to be made collateral. Human beings really can be despicable… not that I’m in any position to say anything.

***

What am I gonna have you do, then?

Typically I’d have you running around doing errands and passing messages to other members of the mafia… but lucky for you, there’s an opening as my ‘secretary’.

Opened up quite recently, actually, Let’s just say the last person in that position pushed my patience a bit too thin…

But an upstanding, law-abiding citizen like yourself isn’t going to give me those issues. Right, love?

***

Good to hear.

[papers shuffling]

Here – you can use the desk next to the couch you’re on.

Should still be a pen on there from the other day.

***

I know it isn’t nice, but debt paperwork’s pretty much all I’ve got that I can give you, love.

You can go be an errand runner instead if you’d like, or I can have you checking inventory on certain ‘intimidation’ items… but I’d recommend against it.

***

If it’s any consolation, that ex of yours will be doing a lot more gruelling work.

***

I’d assumed you’d want her to be your ex after all this.

This would be enough of a dealbreaker for anybody.

***

Love, I’m going to lay it out for you – she sold you to the mafia for a debt she accrued out of pure greed.

If she’s capable of that, nothing’s off the table with her.

Trust me. I’ve seen all the bad sides of people, in clients, other members of the mafia… myself.

If even a mafia boss is telling you someone isn’t good enough for you, it’s time to get out of there.

***

Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in or out of a relationship. If someone isn’t treating you right, you shouldn’t be around them.

Get her out of your mind and focus on the paperwork.

***

Thanking a mafia boss for being your relationship therapist? …Never thought I’d be in this kind of situation.

You’re an interesting one, love.

Say, when you’re officially over with your ex, want to grab some coffee?

***

[speaker laughs]

Don’t have to get yourself in such a state, love.

I’m not gonna go all crazy if you say no. I’m not in the most reputable line of business after all.

Just thought I’d shoot my shot since interesting ones like you are my type.

***

You’ll think about it? …Alright.

Don’t make me wait too long, or I’ll start thinking you’re stringing me alone… last person who did that had to leave town.

Anyway… hurry up now, love. Until that ex of yours gets caught, you’ve got a lot of work to do.

[optional kiss]