Google Docs ~ ScriptBin

​

I, SplashiestPig, the author of this script, personally endorse the pursuit of any typical action taken with this text. You can edit it. You can put it behind a paywall. You can monetize an audio made from it. You can even comfort it as it massacres a foam pillow! Dive In! Credit SplashiestPig, and if it could be managed, I'd love to get a link to your work.

​

​

Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

~ ~ = Emphasis

{ } = Line Delivery

Holiday Cheer (Up)

Knock knock! Halloween? Are you uh… planning something spooky in here? No one’s seen you in a bit, but-

Wait, are you… Oh! Tears! Um…

Here! Recycled Tissues! Every one of these bad boys saves two sheets of office paper from a landfill, so you can clean your tears and the Earth!

Ah! I went into Reduce, Reuse, Recycle mode, didn’t I? Sorry, I just… here, please.

Is that uh… any better?

Right, of course not! So…

Damn, where’s counseling awareness month when you need ‘em?

Do you um… want to talk about it?

Okay, would you like to talk about something else then? Like… uh…

Snickerdoodles! Let’s talk about snickerdoodles.

Oh, um… well, I like it when snickerdoodles have lots of stuff on top. Cinnamon, ground fenugreek… ooh, and pumpkin spice! That’s always-!

Aah! Why are you crying more? I didn’t mean to… and-!

{Choked Up}

Oh great, now I’m gonna cry…

(Quick Exhale)

No! Hold it together, Earth Day. Later! Cry later!

(Deep Breath)

Okay, no snickerdoodles, forget snickerdoodles! Focus on me. I’m here, I’m with you, and I’m not leaving. We’re in your domain. We’re safe. Whatever it is, it can’t get to you in here.

Take a breath with me. It can be shallow, that’s okay. Just get some air in your lungs, and then hold it.

Now look at me. You’re gonna match my breaths, okay? Just focus on the rise and fall of my chest, and let your heart slow down. Let all these feelings get just a little bit smaller.

(Exhale)

And in.

(Inhale)

And out.

(Exhale)

Again.

(Inhale)

Hold it for a little longer…

(Exhale)

One more, big breath!

(Inhale)

And then hold it for as long as you can and-!

(Exhale)

There. Is that any better?

Perfect, let’s keep going. Can we lay on your bed?

Great. Let’s take it nice and slow. We’re in your home. It’s familiar. It’s safe. You’re safe.

Yep, just lay down, and relax. And here, hang on to this pillow. If you start to feel stressed, I want you to squeeze it as hard as you can.

Yeah, just like that. That’s good. You-

[A Foam Pillow, Tearing In Half]

Ooh… no worries! You’ve got plenty of pillows, and I’ll replace however many you can… mangle. Better to take that stress out on them than on yourself.

Could I give you a hug?

Woah! Okay, yeah that’s… you’re alright. You’re safe.

No, it’s fine. We can sit here for as long as you need. I’ve got nothing but time.

Hey, what are friends for if not talking you off the proverbial ledge?

You uh… you weren’t actually on the proverbial ledge, were you?

Aah… I see. Well, don’t think about that. You were hyped up on a lot of big feelings. You weren’t thinking straight one way or another. And most importantly, that’s over now. You don’t need to pay it any more mind.

Not yet. I think you could use a little more time before we try to unpack.

Are you sure?

No, that’s completely valid. If talking now would help you cope, then we’ll talk now.

So, what happened to get you… here?

You… spoke to Christmas? And I take it Christmas didn’t have anything nice to say?

Yeah…

You know, you don’t have to repeat it, if you’re not ready.

Okay. I’m all ears.

And you do know that’s a lie, right? That’s not what you are.

No, Christmas is dead wrong.

I don’t care who was with them. It’s not like any of them actually want to be around Christmas. They just aren’t as brave as you are.

You have been very brave, Halloween. For years. No one else ever stands up to Christmas. Most holidays just try to pretend Christmas isn’t such a bully! And every holiday as close to December as you just falls in line. You’re the only one who actually does something! And that takes… a very solid character.

I mean it. You might not get to hear it all the time, but a lot of us smaller holidays look up to you! You didn’t have some massive empire to shove you into everyone’s lives, and you didn’t get to where you are by exploiting the rest of us. You’re just a really fun holiday! And deep down, a lot of us wish we were more like you.

Honestly, I think Christmas feels the same way.

Yes, I really think that! Especially that Christmas being jealous bit, I’m very sure about that part.

Because they try to mess with you every year! If they weren’t at least a little scared, they wouldn’t do that!

No. As much as I don’t want to keep pushing against what you’re saying, I won’t let you internalize any of this. Christmas doesn’t have anything on you. You’re funny, and smart, and friendly, and protective, and calming, and accepting, and very intimidating to a shallow holiday like Christmas.

I ~know~ all of that is true.

Because those are the reasons I love you.

Oh no. Did I just say that out loud?

Ooh, I am so sorry! I promise I wasn’t trying to manipulate anything by saying that while you were already vulnerable, it just slipped out! I didn’t even realize I was saying it!

No um… We still need to focus on you! We can talk about that later but for now, you need to… say some affirmations! Or maybe some I statements… whatever you think would be best!

No! We can’t talk about that! We um… and you-! I…

[A Soft Thump]

{Muffled}

I am not hiding in a pillow! I’m just… giving you privacy so you can make some honest affirmations!

No! I’m not coming out until you are fully healed!

Ah! No, don’t take the pillow! You can’t be exerting yourself in your condition!

You’re back to normal? Um… no you aren’t! You need at least another hour of calm times.

Nope! You need to say… a hundred, “I am loved and appreciated” -s before you’re ready.

No, not loved by me! Loved by yourself!

(Forced Laugh)

I don’t love you! I mean, I love you as a friend, because, we’re friends, and so, you could say, I love you, but not that I ~love~ love you, moreso than I-!

Ah, I’m taking up your healing time! I’m just gonna go! Bye!

Hey, wait! What do you think you’re doing? Don’t-!

Oh, you are very close! Or… I guess ~I~ am very close to um…

Why am I on your lap?

Sure, sometimes we sit like this but um… only when we don’t have enough chairs! Or when we’re watching movies… Or when I’m overstressed. Or…

Huh? You just um… wanted to hold me close… because you’re still sad. But uh… that’s what the pillow’s for! And since you can’t squeeze me, I should just head out and-!

Oh, well… if you really insist then… I kinda have to stay, right? After all, we’re such close friends that um… yeah.

So… for approximately how much longer would you think we need to stay like this?

Why’d you say it like that?

Ooh, um… please don’t look at me!

Because I don’t want to be seen right now, but I can’t hide if you’re holding me in your lap!

Ah, no! Stop! You are way too clever to look at me right now!

No, there’s nothing I’m hiding!

Did I say that? I don’t know, it’s all so fuzzy that-!

Aah, this is close! I uh… I can hear your heartbeat. It’s actually really nice… In a platonic way! Just because I’m so panicky. Not that I’m panicking about anything in particular!

Yeah! That’s right! I’m just kinda skittish in general! See, that’s the type of deep insight that only two perfectly friendly friends could have!

Not working? What’s not working? I don’t know what you’re talking about!

No um… that can’t be right! I can’t love you like that because uh… it’d never work out! I mean, you are ~so~ out of my league that I would have to be stupid to develop a crush on you!

(Nervous Laugh)

And it’s not like you’d ever like me back! I mean, you’re like… a major holiday! One of the big three! I’m just some day in April that most people don’t even remember unless they see a banner or maybe a-!

(Kiss)

Wow, that was uh…

Hey, do you like me too?

Ooh, yeah, that makes the kiss make much more sense.

Wait, no it doesn’t! Why would you like me?

Really? I don’t know if-

Oh! Well um… that’s very nice of you to say!

Aah, okay, let’s stop with the compliments now!

No, I just uh… want to tell you some! After all, this is still your healing session, right? I mean, you’ve comforted me more times than I can count, I don’t need to hijack this one too!

Ooh, I didn’t think this far ahead. Um… I really like your smile!

Yeah, basically just your entire face! And um… your hair smells nice!

Yep, I like your body too! Wait, no! I mean, I do, but, I don’t mean it like that!

Ah! Don’t look at me like that! It’s not fair!

Wait, really? You’ll stop?

Aah! It was a trap! Abort, abort! I need to escape!

No, shush! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice-!

What?

I don’t get it.

Really? If I say that, you’ll let me go?

O-kay… trick or treat?

(Kiss)

Ooh…

Wait, that was the treat and not a trick, right?

Hey, I’ll have you know I positively exude confidence! Just… not when I’m with you.

{Quietly}

Yeah, because I love you.

Wait, what? Where are you going? Was that not real?

It was, you just want closure? On the whole Christmas thing?

Oh, well that’s great! I always feel better when I get to formally bring something to an end! I’m sure you’ll-!

What are you doing with that axe?

Halloween? You’re scaring me. Which is kinda your whole schtick but, this feels different!

Oh good! I was worried for a sec’ there, but if you say I don’t have any reason to be then I’ll-

It’s… ~Christmas~ who should be scared?

Why should Christmas be scared, Halloween?

Halloween?

What did that face mean? Halloween!

Hey, wait! Where are you going? You can’t just march out of here holding your axe! Halloween?

Halloween!